BubblyPopcorn Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 How does everyone cope when someone you were involved with/cared about is dating again? It has been a very long time since I've dealt with this sort of thing so I hardly remember the stages you go through when things don't work out but aside from the jealousy factor, how long does it take when things like this happen, where it doesn't feel like you've been hurt all over again by it?
popey Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 not sure, but I'm thinking that maybe the fact that it hurts means to some extent you maybe had some lingering thought of it possibly not being over for good? If so, then you are experience loss of the hope, and will probably need to go through the basic stages of grieving again too.
EmperorR Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I just found out my ex is dating already, yesterday, I felt like crap all day, then i just slapped myself, and im doing good again today, I can care less what she is doing, I'm just keeping myself busy. Secretly I'm hoping her heart gets crush but I know I shouldn't care but I would take pleasure. And I agree about the hope being crush, like you think oh maybe she will come arounnd but with someone new do you really want her back after she's been with another dude.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Thanks Pope & Emp. I see what your saying & I did have hope, I had hope that he was the person I initially met and fell for because I really thought he was a good guy and I really felt differently towards him versus other people I've been in a RL with. I met him and I was like "wow", attractive, smart, kind/considerate, etc. that's the kind of guy I wanted but he didn't turn out that way and it just hurts is all.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I think everyone has their own way of dealing with an ex dating again. My ex from 3-4 years ago, when he dates someone new, its weird its not jealousy I feel, but more like annoyed. Annoyed because he prides himself on the fact he never gets hurt in relationships, he goes into them knowing he will hurt the girl eventually. For my most recent ex - well he started dating 4 days after we split. We split over this girl. So, its painful. Its day it hurts less. In fact, it doesn't really bother me at all anymore, but it definately did for a solid month and a half. Now and then I feel a tinge of jealousy, or... not even jealousy but like, "**** you". But um, it never lasts that long. Once you realize you and your ex just are not happening again, I think it just doesn't matter. Its like... who CARES. If they end up married? I'll feel bad for him, he missed out living his life, dated two girls only and never got out and saw the world. If he dates 10 other women and loves each more than the last, and much more than me? Good for him I guess, he's finding his way. You'll get through eventually. Just hang tough. I found thinking of ways my ex was a bad date really made me happy about this new girl dating him. For instance, he was really bad in bed (lol). When I first discovered this, I tried really hard to subtlety bring it up, but I don't think he really understood, I tried to suggest new things but he'd be reluctant, so eventually I just resigned to telling him he was great, because at the end of the day, I really just liked being near him and intimate in that way. It worked out in the end, because they POOR girl is going to have a miserable time in bed. Holy.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 I think everyone has their own way of dealing with an ex dating again. My ex from 3-4 years ago, when he dates someone new, its weird its not jealousy I feel, but more like annoyed. Annoyed because he prides himself on the fact he never gets hurt in relationships, he goes into them knowing he will hurt the girl eventually. For my most recent ex - well he started dating 4 days after we split. We split over this girl. So, its painful. Its day it hurts less. In fact, it doesn't really bother me at all anymore, but it definately did for a solid month and a half. Now and then I feel a tinge of jealousy, or... not even jealousy but like, "**** you". But um, it never lasts that long. Once you realize you and your ex just are not happening again, I think it just doesn't matter. Its like... who CARES. If they end up married? I'll feel bad for him, he missed out living his life, dated two girls only and never got out and saw the world. If he dates 10 other women and loves each more than the last, and much more than me? Good for him I guess, he's finding his way. You'll get through eventually. Just hang tough. I found thinking of ways my ex was a bad date really made me happy about this new girl dating him. For instance, he was really bad in bed (lol). When I first discovered this, I tried really hard to subtlety bring it up, but I don't think he really understood, I tried to suggest new things but he'd be reluctant, so eventually I just resigned to telling him he was great, because at the end of the day, I really just liked being near him and intimate in that way. It worked out in the end, because they POOR girl is going to have a miserable time in bed. Holy. Thanks Tokyo. I am not wanting to put the blame entirely on him because it does take two but I try to look at how we both acted and I can honestly say, never in a million years could I have treated someone with such magnitude. But that is where we weren't compatible.
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