D-Jam Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 But as someone mentioned earlier, men care about looks first. This is repeatedly beaten to death that men must be physically attracted to a woman before she can even get through the door. She can be caring, fiscally conservative, brilliant, etc but if she isn't good looking, then most men would look right through her. The OP mentioned that she must be physically attracted to the man in addition to other critera, thus why is she told to see beyond physical looks, when most men won't. I agree that physical attraction is a must, but I also believe too many people out there carry that ideology to a bad extreme. Some might think I'm a handsome guy, but many other women I've met thought I was more "ok". I am of a healthy weight and stay in shape, but I am not some toned athlete. Now, my whole reply here and my other one isn't some "nice guy is angry" thing, but more me pounding it into the heads of every woman out there who has the same "where are all the decent guys" complaint that they're out there. Chances are you're passing them up left and right. I've had some think that maybe I'm "too nice" to women, but my actions have never been doormat. I will disagree with women on things, and have opinions of my own, and not make my life about her. Yet in my life I've noticed that so many women have been treated badly by other men that they tend to look at normal gentlemanly etiquette as also "doormat". I'll plan a day around things she wants to do, shut off my cell phone when out with her, give her attention, open doors, help with coat on, pull chairs, maybe bring flowers, pay for things, etc. It is amazing how many women in my past felt like I was "too nice" to them simply because I did what I felt was "being a man" to them. This isn't a case of worshiping her, but just treating her like a lady...and thus these poor souls have been conditioned to think it's a sign of weakness. I'm not trying to turn this into a "nice guy VS bad boy" topic, but more again to prove that for every woman out there who complains that they can't meet a decent guy, I'll bet money that if I looked they met decent guys...but couldn't see attraction to them because of conditioning brought on by terrible exes and the media telling them to find a "Mr Big". Coming back to the subject, physical attraction is needed, but I think too many MEN AND WOMEN set the standards so high that they are their own worst enemy. Look at the women I mentioned who now REGRET not taking me on before my current GF did. Back then they thought they could do better, and now they wish they had taken a chance. Same deal with many men who pass up what I think are decent women, but maybe they're not fashion models or athletes. I originally thought my GF was "ok" looking, but it was her heart, mind, and soul that made me see her as absolutely beautiful. Now I just want to tear her clothes off when I see her. I think that too many men and women want to see the panties get wet and sparks fly off an initial meet and want a mate who makes them feel "hot for them" right of the bat...when in reality it doesn't work that way. It never worked that way for any of my exes. Take a chance. Change up your routines. Try out the men and women you think are decent looking and sweet, but you initially thought were not what you would want. I see loads of happy RLs out there where someone took a chance on said "nice guy" or "nice girl", and yet all the "hot people" are still chronically single, getting older, and moaning how they can't find anyone.
Trimmer Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Please quote where I said that. Well, OK, here we go: Regarding your high standards (note I'm not saying they're too high, or that you shouldn't have them, just that you have high standards; haven't you said that yourself?): In my book (and probably most women's), a well balance man will need to have: Physical Attractiveness Good Income Matured behavior/responsible/emotionally stable Unconditional love Intelligence Sexual capability Most of the well balanced men are overlooked because they are not good looking and rich. They are not well balanced, then. Look, I don't want to feel like I have to settle with someone. As far as you not finding any men who meet your standards: Appears like well balanced men do not exist anymore, unless you want to date their fathers. No more honest men who can genuinely love ONE woman, and stay faithful to them..... We'll just have to deal with the generation of unbalanced, needy, immature, cheating, mind-game playing individuals calling themselves men but still expect a woman to foot the bills. Isn't that the story you've been telling? "I have high standards, and I can't find men who meet them." If that's not the problem, then why did you post? Once again you misunderstood my statements just like before. What I meant is that I would rather wait forever than waste my time with someone who will not deliver for me. Isn't that just what I suggested in my alternative statement that follows the one you quoted: Do you mean that you will raise your standards of who you will date, holding out until you meet someone who you can be assured is a higher quality prospect, so you won't waste time dating less likely candidates? That's certainly a worthy goal - wouldn't we all like to figure out that shortcut? The question is, how will you put it into practice?
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 My question didn't require multiple posting. I simply asked you to show me where exactly I had put these words: (a) she has high standards, and (b) therefore she isn't meeting anyone that meets them. Even with multiple quoting of my posts, I cannot see anywhere where I said I have high standards and cannot meet men because of that. I now can see that maybe what I previously said in my posts implied to you that I have "high standards", and this what you should have said when replying to D-Moon, instead of claiming that I have actually said to have high standards, because I didn't. What I said in of my previous post was that I believe my standards are very simple hence my dissapointment for still not being able meeting the right partner for myself: In my book (and probably most women's), a well balance man will need to have: Physical Attractiveness Good Income Matured behavior/responsible/emotionally stable Unconditional love Intelligence Sexual capability Now, as ridiculous as this list may sound to most men here (which just proves my point ), it is really meant to find a man who will be a good father and husband. But still, there are very few men out there right now who can meet these very simple requirements. And still in those very few, we have some who are too old to date, married, or in long term relationships. Now, I can understand if these standards appear "high" to you because perhaps you do not possess them, but don't go around claiming I said things that never said. And what exactly is so high standard about my list, you feel most men cannot match up with? Intelligence? Good behaviour? Sexual capability? Ability to love? Really? Shygirl's: Physical Attractiveness Good Income Matured behavior/responsible/emotionally stable Unconditional love Intelligence Sexual capability LoveDeluxe's: 1. Caring, honest, trustworthy, loyal - but these are a given 2. True Confidence - no arrogance or too much insecurity 3. Strong sense of who he is as a person - emotionally and mentally balanced 4. Passionate about life and the people in his life 5. Multi-faceted - has many interests, open to learning and trying new things 6. Ambitious - career is not as important as how passionate he is about what he does, whether he is hardworking, financially responsible (DOES NOT HAVE TO BE WEALTHY), etc. 7. Sense of humor 8. Good sense of values Konfuzed's: Confident but not cocky Intelligent without being demeaning Knows when to be funny and when to be serious Affectionate but not smothering Rugged and tough when need be, soft and comforting when need be Physically fit but not a meathead Responsible and reliable with a childlike spirit A freak in the sheets, a gentleman in the streets :confused:! Can anybody tell me how my list is soo different from these two, to the extent it's categorized as "high-standard"??? Haven't all 3 of us talked pretty much the same things just in different forms??? Eh.
ViperGTS29 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Good guys do exist its just that you girls never give us the time of day to really get to know us....thats all we guys ask for.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Shygirl is unrealistically picky about EVERY detail about a guy. And what exactly is so unrealistic and picky about what I said? Intelligence? Good Income? Good looking? Do you lack these?
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Quantify the subjective qualifications and perhaps we'll get somewhere. Don't be shy
Sks Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 We all want different things, I don't really think what you want could be comparable to what someone else wants.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well balanced? 1. Good Income 2. Physically Attractive 3. Spends hours on internet forums debating topics like this
Trimmer Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Even with multiple quoting of my posts, I cannot see anywhere where I said I have high standards and cannot meet men because of that. I now can see that maybe what I previously said in my posts implied to you that I have "high standards", and this what you should have said when replying to D-Moon... Actually, I did: Because effectively, she is complaining (or was anyway, early in the thread) that (a) she has high standards, and (b) therefore she isn't meeting anyone that meets them. Look, you can dance around and parse words all you want. Let's get back to the point. I have been very careful not to denigrate the fact that you have "high" standards - as a matter of fact, I'm very careful in the rest of the post I quoted here to support your high standards. Nonetheless, you seem to be very defensive about using the word "high" so let's rephrase. Let's just call them "your" standards, and that way, nobody needs to argue whether they are "right" or too high, or whatever. Would you agree that your statements clearly imply (I'm parsing carefully now...) that you are not having luck finding men who meet "your" standards? Can we agree on that fundamental concept, because if we can't, then clearly I'm badly misunderstanding your issue here. Now, I can understand if these standards appear "high" to you because perhaps you do not possess them... A snappish, and not very classy, personal attack. And I'll reiterate that I was not denigrating your standards for being "high." Go back and read my post. Why are you so defensive on that point? And what exactly is so high standard about my list, you feel most men cannot match up with? Now who's putting words in another's mouth? I never either said, nor implied this. The whole point of this thread is that YOU cannot find men who match up to your standards. So if we can possibly agree that your issue is that you are not finding men who meet your standards, then all I can offer (other than to shut up and go away, which you might well prefer at this point... ) is the fundamental point of what I already said, which I hope you will now be able to receive in the appropriate context: If you are not finding men who meet your standards, there are several known solutions to this quandry: either change yourself to be somehow more attractive, change your strategy for meeting/searching, or consider modifying your standards in some way. I think that at various points, each of these has been suggested in one form or another in this thread. You don't, by any means, have to do any of them, but then you shouldn't expect anything to change, as it doesn't seem very likely that all "those men out there" are going to change into high-quality prospects in order to beat a path to your door.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 The more criteria a person has, the smaller the dating pool. Just accept it and continue looking for what you want. I have incredibly "high" standards and have dated men who've met them. They really are out there. You just have to be patient about it and continue to organically grow your dating pool by increasing the social network that you have.
FleshNBones Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I don't know about the rest of you, but I would prefer a teammate over a trophy. You can accomplish so much more with a teammate. Trophies are dead weight.
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