MitchRapp Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 So this is a very long and complicated story, aren't they all. I will try and shorten it to the best of my ability. Several months ago I started dating a girl a year younger than me and things went incredibly well, we both really connected and agreed that there was some great chemistry between us. She is 17 and I am 18. I was also her first boyfriend. About a month ago I got the "I'm really busy and I'm not ready for a relationship and just want to be friends" line. I do understand because she is incredibly busy with school and rides horses almost daily in order to get ready for national competition next summer. She said that it wasn't fair to me that she couldn't fully commit and such, and of course I said that I was willing to wait and be patient etc. Well a couple weeks after that episode we ended up spending 5 wonderful days together and she was talking about how much she loved me and never wanted to let me go yadda yadda the whole kit and kaboodle. Anyway, skipping ahead another week she has reverted back to the very busy can't commit line. That was two weeks ago so now we are all up to date. Now, having just read that it sounds like she needs to disappear from my life right? Well, the thing is she changes her mind a lot and so on some days she will call me multiple times and text me until 3 in the morning. Then I don't hear from her for 2 days and she got mad because I asked what was wrong, she said that she didn't have to check in all the time. Following that she has now moved into limited contact on a daily basis...no more than hi and never lasting more than a few minutes. She called a couple of days ago and asked what my plans for the weekend were. I told her that I was going to the game. She promptly said that she was going to be riding horses that night. I then replied that I didn't ask if she wanted to go. She said that she understood and felt like I didn't want to see her. I was confused because after all, I have let her know that she broke us up, not me, and that I still have feelings for her and want to see her. I told her that when she was ready, that I wanted to see her and she said that she's afraid that if we see each other, that her emotions will change again. I asked her what they would change to and she said that she would go back to loving me. The day after that phone call she posted up on her facebook status that (names changed) "Sarah is 'smitten'. What else is there to say?" Anyway, I know that she still has feelings for me, she has stated it. Furthermore and this part might seem a little weird to some of you but hear me out, both of her parents like me a lot and feel like she is just confused and is pushing away people that care about her (them included) because she is going through a phase. Her mom talks to me multiple times a day through text and phone and lets me know what's up. Anyway, her mom said that she's seemed kind of down and just a few minutes ago her mom texted me saying that it seemed like she was really upset and might cry. So, that's a really short and sweet version of the story, but the point here is this. What's my next move? I really would like to have a relationship with this girl and it seems like the only thing that is stopping her from sharing that feeling is some fear of commitment or something. She doesn't really fit the norm here, I know that she's not seeing other guys and both of us are virgins so sex isn't an issue. I've analyzed this from many different angles and both her mom and I have come to the conclusion that I didn't do anything wrong and that she's just going through a phase. Problem is, she's really pushing me away and I'm not so sure that she wants that. For now I'm playing along with her limited contact and letting her initiate conversations. What should my next move be guys?
Author MitchRapp Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 no one has anything to share?
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Yes. She's not in love with you, and is making a real hash of dumping you. She's not into you. I'd move on. Goodness knows you're both young and it's waaaaaaay to soon to be commiting to a 'one and only' just yet - ! Go out, have fun, don't be so serious!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Yes. She's not in love with you, and is making a real hash of dumping you. She's not into you. I'd move on. Goodness knows you're both young and it's waaaaaaay to soon to be commiting to a 'one and only' just yet - ! Go out, have fun, don't be so serious! Yup, listen to Geisha on that one. You're too young to be all wrapped up in this kind of stuff. I'm 19 and... I am so so SO lucky I ran into a group of old friends the other night that are all 21-24. They're just LIVING life. All single, all happy, all just ENJOYING EVERYTHING to the fullest. I envy them, and aspire to be like that someday. I think its really easy with first loves to just... believe in the magic. You're wrapped up in transitioning from a highschool student to a college kid, you;re realizing "holy crap I'm starting to get old". So you feel pinned to the person you're with. I think eventually, you just realize though, you've gotta LIVE life! Get out there, have fun, be single! Its not so bad!
BCCA Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 She's very young. I'm going to tell you straight up, 99% of couples your age don't last. You both have a lot of growing up and experiencing to do, and to put it bluntly, this "I'm not sure what I want/change my mind every 10min" stuff is going to get even worse between 18-22. Both of my ex's parents loved me to death and wanted nothing more than for the 2 of us to get married. Problem is, my ex didnt feel the same way, so what they thought was irrelevant. What to do? Back way off this thing and focus on other people/things. It doesn't sound to me like this girl is currently relationship material, shes all over the place and her feelings change with the winds. That's a very dangerous person to involve yourself with, because you'll always be a distant second to her own wants. Do you want to continue on this rollercoaster ride? Is it fun to wonder everyday if youre going to get dumped or if this time its for real? I dont think so.
Hersheys Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 You're young and you can and WILL experience so many other things in your life. You love your ex but she doesn't want you. Politely tell her mom that you and her daughter are no longer together. After doing that, go NC and completely ignore your ex (and her mom too). Go out, meet other girls BUT don't do to them what your ex did and is doing to you.
Author MitchRapp Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 well she kept calling and calling and so finally I answered and pretty much told her that I'm not ready to be friends with my ex-girlfriend and she didn't like that too much but oh well. So now I'm moving into total NC with them and I told her that I was planning on going NC so there are no surprises here and I'm moving on for the good of me. Thanks everyone who posted
Author MitchRapp Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 I know that we're both young and that the chances are we won't be together again...but that doesn't make this breakup any less painful for me than people who have been together for a while...to me it still hurts. Like I said I tried telling her yesterday when I finally answered that I just wasn't ready to be my ex's friend....and for some reason she seems insulted by that and can't seem to understand it. I dunno here, I've gone a whole day today of NC and I'm very proud of myself, and I was feeling good, and then just a few minutes ago she texted me telling me how great the game was that she just went to (that we were supposed to go to)...and now I'm feeling like **** again because I still do care about her and want the best for her and it goes against my nature to just flat out ignore someone that I care so much about...but I know that if I talk to her it will only be a short term fix. I was talking with one of my close friends about this, his girlfriend is best friends with my ex...and he was telling me that she does love me and that she's shocked because for several months I've been such a part of her life and now I'm not... I'm just looking for some support on here...I know it's not gonna be forever but it still hurts and I still just need someplace to vent and get it all out there, that's why I came to these forums
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