Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 There is no right or wrong. If you have question about it and you are at this point that you have to ask people what should you do. Your not ready for it. It is NOT a bad thing and you would NOT be doing anything wrong by telling your wife your not okay with it. I saw a Dr. Phil episode on the same thing, etc. it was the other way around. And Dr. Phil not only chewed out the man for pushing her into doing something that caused her such distress, but he chewed her out for going along with him. There is a time to compromise, there is a time to submit, and there is a time to stand your ground. This is the time when you need to stand you ground. While by Biblical belief, I believe you should NOT be inviting anyone else into your bedroom, because even if you two were not be cheating or defiling the marriage bed, you would wrong be because the other person would be fornicating with you. But, if you are one of those who don't care, you could always talk it over with people you trust and/or a marriage/relationship specialist and see if there is something you could to to prepare yourself and your wife if after all this you decide to go ahead with it. Really think about it. If no is your answer, make sure you keep it clear. If maybe or yes is, then just don't jump into it. Seek outside advice first before you proceed. DNR Some fantasies are left in the head or in the land of written and video make believe than lived.
Holding-On Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I think DNR wrote a very good post there. Caveat: I am in an open marriage and even, very selfishly, would love it if the MM I fell in love with (and am currently avoiding) would talk to his wife and have her say "yeah, go ahead". It is more likely she would say "ew", just like you. Basically I read from your few words that indulging your wife in this endeavor will make you feel resentful at best. Open marriages that work require more communication, more scheduling and more compromise. It helps if you are wired weird too. Sounds like fun doesn't it? I think marriage counselling would be a great idea. You can get to the root of this desire with her (perhaps it is an emotional affair she is having, who knows?) and discuss this idea of opening the marriage and how it will make you feel with a neutral party. You can also have her examine whether it is worth leaving the marriage over. You can also read up on poly relationships. There are quite a few forums about this and people are generally friendly and willing to talk to you/tell you of their successes and struggles. Another poster asked your age. I'm wondering, if you are her first and only and married 15 years, perhaps she was quite young (18-22 ish?) and is now in her late 30s? So the desire for other men may coincide with the peaking up of her sex drive. I have observed a tendency for women to crave men and a variety of men at this age whether they act on those desires or not. I have this pet theory it's a biological drive to get your DNA out there and with as much variety as possible. Is she willing to play act with you? Taking her on dates pretending to be someone else might be fun. Or as DNR suggested, having her write out her fantasies and reading them to you. Or buy a few wigs etc. all while you are going to MC. Do not do anything in a rush. It sounds as though she is working on being honest. Remind her that she needs to be compassionate too. Best wishes.
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