bigalvi Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 My wife and I have been married for 15 years. we both have never cheated. She recently has came out and said she would like to have sex with another man. she said she doesnt have anyone in mind just wants to leave it open.My delima is I feel that I am happy and dont want anyone else. we both have never been with anyone but each other. I think if I let her do this I would never be able to accept it. If I dont let her she wont be happy in our relationship. when I ask her what is the reason and she says its because she doesnt know what its like to be with someone else. is there answer here that I dont see. Lost
a4a Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 well you could always just try a threesome..... if you don't cross sword it isn't gay. Many people think the way your wife does.... but heck at least she is honest about it. I could not imagine only having one guy for my entire sexual experiences. Perhaps if you spice things up in the bedroom this will just be a passing fantasy of hers.
blair08 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Have you asked her why after 15 years she is wanting another man? I know she says she doesn't have anyone in mind, but kind of odd that she wants to be with another man, and says she has no one in mind. It is a real delimma that's for sure. Its something she is wanting and something you're either not wanting or at least are not sure about. NEVER go along with something that YOU don't find acceptable or are uncomfortable with just because you think if you don't it wont make her happy. OPen marriages are usually based on both people being on the same page and wanting the same things, it doesn't sound like you do.
angie2443 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I think if I let her do this I would never be able to accept it. If I dont let her she wont be happy in our relationship. Read up on these situations on LS. Search "open marriage" and so on. You'll see that it rarely works and if one partner isn't completely open to it, it will cause a lot of pain and slowly destroy the relationship. If your wife is unhappy because she can't be with others, then she might not be able to stay in a monogomous relationship any longer. I wish I could tell you something else. I hope you get some better answers.
Lizzie60 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 My wife and I have been married for 15 years. we both have never cheated. She recently has came out and said she would like to have sex with another man. she said she doesnt have anyone in mind just wants to leave it open.My delima is I feel that I am happy and dont want anyone else. we both have never been with anyone but each other. I think if I let her do this I would never be able to accept it. If I dont let her she wont be happy in our relationship. when I ask her what is the reason and she says its because she doesnt know what its like to be with someone else. is there answer here that I dont see. Lost Humm.. I think what your wife is feeling is very common AND very normal... Everyone, at one point, after so many years together, and especially if you've never had any experiences with anyone else.. could be curious as to how it would feel to have sex with someone else... She could be just curious about it and not be totally serious about trying it. How about you having sex with another woman, what does she thinks about that?
EnigmasMuse Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 It's something that really needs to be discussed. I agree with Lizzie, is it ok that you're with other women? I'm assuming so, since she wants a open marriage, but perhaps she is caught up in something right now that she just thinks sounds good to her? Is it possible there already is someone else she might be interested in, and that's what brought on this wanting to try an open marriage thing?
angie2443 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Is it possible there already is someone else she might be interested in, and that's what brought on this wanting to try an open marriage thing? I forgot about this aspect to these situations. Often, when one partner suddenly wants an open marriage, it is because they have someone on the side or because they have someone they want on the side.
Geishawhelk Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 There is another possibility.... (ugh! I hate thinking of these things....!) Could it be possible that your wife has already met another guy she's attracted to....? Could it be that she's suggesting or voicing a desire, because she wants to have sex with this guy - and wouldn't it just be the greatest thing if you said - "Ok, hun, if that's what you really want, go ahead. It's not for me, but I'm here for you.....always will be - have fun!!" Possibly?
Geishawhelk Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Or to put it more briefly - what angie2443 said! (sorry angie, didn't read enough!!)
Lizzie60 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 One question.. how old are you and your wife?
JackJack Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 This is what it sounds like to me..... I'm not saying it is for sure, but it sounds like she may have another man in mind..... She is either possibly seeing someone or wants to, and if you go along with this open marriage thing, then it will just justify her wanting to be with this man with your consent, so to speak..... In other words, if you're ok about it and know about it then perhaps she wont feel as guilty with wanting to do this. It would also be easier for her to say for you to go ahead and get you another woman too, because if she already has another man, then there again it takes alot of the guilt off her. Bottom line, what do YOU want? I didn't see anywhere in your first post, about her asking you how you feel on the matter or what you want, just that she told you she wanted to be with another man, because she wondered what it might be like.
popey Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Maybe you can talk about trying some alternatives that you might find more agreeable, and that maybe could be enough to give her some newness w/o actually having to have sex w/ someone else?
Bryanp Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Hello, I can certainly understand the curiousity factor. I would guess more than likely that she has somebody in mind that she wishes to sleep with. By saying to you that she has nobody in mind at present but wishes to keep it in play down the line says a great deal. She wants you to agree with it with you hoping that she does not ever use it. She is probably planning to do this with somebody she already has in mind. When she does have sex with this guy she will claim that you had already previously agreed to it and therefore she was able to do it with no guilt. I think she is probably manipulating you. Again I can certainly understand the curiousity factor but this is something you have to be on board with. Would you be able to stay in a marriage knowing at any time you wife feels free to screw another man when you are not around? For many men this would be an absolute deal breaker. Only you can decide what you are willing to accept or not. Again I would bet she already has somebody in mind which is why she brought it up to you right now. Good luck.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 My H asked for an open M like that. It just so happened that he had been in contact with a girl he had been in love with in high school, and intended to open the marriage to explore things with her. I would bet a large amount of money that she has someone in mind, and has already laid the groundwork and is looking for permission for something she has already started on.
changchewsoon Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 If I were you, I would kick her sorry ass out of the house.
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 ......and wouldn't it just be the greatest thing if you said - "Ok, hun, if that's what you really want, go ahead. It's not for me, but I'm here for you.....always will be - have fun!!" Yes, I agree! The greatest thing to follow this up with, would be - "Oh, and Honey? Pack your bags, because you go over this particular threshold, and you're not coming back."
Dexter Morgan Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 My wife and I have been married for 15 years. we both have never cheated. She recently has came out and said she would like to have sex with another man. she said she doesnt have anyone in mind just wants to leave it open.My delima is I feel that I am happy and dont want anyone else. we both have never been with anyone but each other. I think if I let her do this I would never be able to accept it. If I dont let her she wont be happy in our relationship. when I ask her what is the reason and she says its because she doesnt know what its like to be with someone else. is there answer here that I dont see. Lost yes, the answer is she isn't worthy of being your wife. She wants to screw another man!! Why would you not be enraged at this? If I was married and a wife of mine suggested this, thats all I'd have to hear to file for divorce.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 bigalvi, how would she like to watch another woman riding you?
lkjh Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 She most likely has someone in mind. Don't give in she probably started an EA and wants to go PA
a4a Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 bigalvi, how would she like to watch another woman riding you? She might dig it!
AAlike Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Here's a question - obviously, your wife has never been with any men other than you. but what about you, was she your first as well? I'm just trying to contextualize this request of hers. also, did she actually say that she "wouldn't be happy" in your relationship unless you let her do this?
imagine Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 The first rule when dealing with the devil: Don't.
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well, we obviously made a HUGE impression on bigalvi..... more tumbleweed.....
circusgrrrl Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 If you are not comfortable with it, either don't do it, or prepare for the worst. I have some friends that had one because the W would NOT be monogamous. It slowly killed the H; no personality, he was depressed al the time. Yet still... he accepted it because that is what his W wanted. It was horrible to watch hi go through it. If you go down that path... it has to be something you are comfortable with. Then there are the boundaries: does she do it in front if you, without you.... once a month, once a week, daily? you need to discuss it in detail if you do go for it, or you're going to get hurt. Badly. my .02
Caitlan Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I'm sure many people think about being with other people but they don't act on it. If you go with this it will eat you alive. Both people have to be interested in it to work. If you don't want her to do it tell her why and ask her what you can do with just the both of you that might spice things up. If my husband came to me and asked to be with another woman I'd be so hurt. Sure, he might be thinking about sex with other women in fantasy but if he actually wanted to do it I'd say we had a real problem in our marriage.
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