BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well, her email to me was generic. It was like, I hope everything is ok, whats new, hope youre doing alright - i mean that. So, to me, it was almost not worth responding to. Also worth noting is that she was supposed to call me a few weeks before so we could meet up and talk, but that call never came. I felt like I gave her back what she gave me. She wrote an impersonal/generic email that could have been from a co-worker, I gave her the same. I know why she didnt reply - she was probably pissed that she didnt get a mushy/begging email to boost her ego. Chances are, thats all she was looking for. Once she saw that this well was dry, she went elsewhere. It actually felt good to be able to respond to an email without any emotion. I was pleasant, some have said too nice, but I wasn't overly excited to hear from her, I wasn't really interested in what she was doing, and I didnt try to see her or ask if we could talk. I also waited a day to respond, which probably pissed her off even more. I dont really care if I ever hear from her. Not because I dont still hurt or care, but because I just dont see her calling to say shes sorry and made a mistake or something like that. The most I can expect is her asking me for a favor or just making chit chat. No thanks, I dont need that from her. Its Friday night, and Im going out to drink and be merry as soon as 5pm rolls around I'm actually going to be in NYC in early december, so I might have to swing by your bar so we can drown our sorrows together.
Eyeofthoth Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 "You're not supposed to have someone there for you as long as you need, and then turn a cold shoulder to them when they need the same." Hear, Hear. When we need something back, apparently we become creepy and <gasp> human! It's a sin, really. It just isn't reasonable to expect anyone to stick around . . . My bitterness is seeping out tonight, sorry.
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Eyeofthoth..it is a sin.. and i certainly harbor bitterness.. I just hope its not aging me yet.. BCCA- yah she should have called you .. because she said she would...Yep your doing the right thing by not doing anything... I know that if i ever meet the next right person to date.. i am fairly sure that things wont hurt and i wont think of him much anymore.. the problem is... i am afraid that person wont come around. That i might be single for a long time. Its not easy meeting someone that can like you for you and trusting them..and all that jazz.. I think thats mainly why im hanging on to him in my mind.. I was single a long time before this relationship( maybe im picky) and that one was the longest one ive ever had. This was my first huge breakup (maybe not picky enough),, i guess you could say my first huge love. So i know how to be single. Its just I also know how long it can take to meet the "right" guy to date. knowing that makes me hang on to every memory that made me feel like i was dating the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with. This is holding me back. On that note..BCCA How was your night ? Mine was alright... none to eventful but i do have a headache today.. Your going to be in NYC? what brings you to our parts? And Yes you should come by my bar and we can drink and drown or sorrows.. tis the season in december...
Peter_pan Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 hey reply to the message on other thread to you but here if that makes sense lol yeh i know what you mean, you have to live not expecting that call or answers etc and what you said >> I was single a long time before this relationship( maybe im picky) and that one was the longest one ive ever had. This was my first huge breakup (maybe not picky enough),, i guess you could say my first huge love. So i know how to be single. Its just I also know how long it can take to meet the "right" guy to date. knowing that makes me hang on to every memory that made me feel like i was dating the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with. This is holding me back. but change him for her lol, this is totally me. i know i am young (21) but i cant help feeling she was "the one" i just know it. bugs me so much. ive dated another girl and that was an awful experience tbh. at first it was really nice and new etc but then feelings for my ex crept back in plain tears me up she didnt give us another chance and dated her manager straight away. it feels like everything got left un closed y
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Peter pan.. i dont know how long you have been apart from your ex.. BUT In order to really give another person a fair chance.. we have to be healthy in the head about our ex. Who knows how long that will take, Its different for everyone. It least you tried to date.. 21 is young so the good news is you got all kinds of time on your side.. and you never know what the future holds maybe you could get a second chance with you ex... hopefully it will go better then my second chance,.. In the mean time, try to not to think about that. I to feel things were unclosed and its hard for me to close them. as my friends keep saying "just let go" i havent yet.
Peter_pan Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 hmm yeah i would like a second and last chance ever as i know it would be forever. so is staying in NC the best option if i want/would like that to happen? believe me i gave the new girl a very very fair chance but her ex spoilt it and we argued and things didnt go well after that. she said i was an amazing guy but our relationship isnt. plus i felt like she made stuff up to much and i just had a part of me that couldnt and wouldnt trust her. but yeah if i wanted another chance in future with ex, is it best to stay in some form of contact or is staying in some form of contact with a shared friend and her family good enough:?
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 peter pan i wish i could tell you the formula... but i can not. Take your time, if you feel like you really have to make contact.. 2 months should do... once you make it to that.. try longer...... keep doing that... see where you get...if you find you still need to talk, then do it.. the longer you wait the better for both parties involved... sorry but it's true. i can tell you that keeping up with shared friends and concerned family will only damage your "second" chance. Most often friends and family of you're ex are not on your side(childish that may seem) only you and your ex know your relationship,,, nobody else. The less your ex know's anything about you, the better... its easier on YOU to stay(thou its' a bitch) NO CONTACT p.s trust takes time.. its not easy to trust. that is not abnormal. if she "made up stuff" then there is good reason to not trust>> never doubt your instincts.
Peter_pan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 thanks L FUZZ, yeah i feel she lied about somethings or wasnt straight with me and that was enough for me to just know i wasnt ready for mind games tbh. my instinct was just saying no. my post above was referring to my main ex who i was with for 3 years ish. not the girl i dated for 2 months, (just to clarify) as for waiting 2 months and see how i feel, the last time i tried to initiate contact was end of may! since then ive not contacted her in anyway, and SHE was the one to speak with my Best Mate to find out stuff and ask how i was. even telling him she wasnt with her new guy!!!......wtf i met her brother when i was out in town, and he said to me, i dont care what my sister says, i love you and ive missed you so much. he told me he went to live with her up north and hated it, he said how on earth you managed 2 years i'll never know! i couldnt even handle 2 months! so i am still close to the hearts of her family by looks of it. but i will never know "what" she told them, for him to say "i dont care what she says"/....
BCCA Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Peter pan, just to give you a point of reference, my ex's dad called me after she broke up with me and said she was a huge idiot, and would never find anyone half as good as me. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and I would always be part of the family. Thing is, my ex didnt feel the same way, so it doesnt matter, unfortunately. NC kind of does a few things at once. Not only does it put your ex out of your mind, and not give them the opportunity to feel like they aren't so bad because you don't hate them, but it also keeps you from knowing what theyre up to. Trust me, you cant handle what they have to say. You'll never be ready enough to hear what they've been up to. NC is really the ONLY option for getting over a breakup. And even if someday down the line you got back together, initially you still need to get over the break and accept things for what they are. One of the most frustrating things about dating, especially post-breakup, is that 95% of the people you go out with are just going to be no good for you. And of the few that you like, most all of those will either not return calls or just generally be a douche. I think when we get into relationships we tend to forget just how painful it actually is to find someone who you actually want to date, and then when you do, you still have to wait and see if they like you as well. If you were single for a few years before you met your ex, you cant expect to find a new relationship in a few months. Especially because we all unknowingly wear the stench of a failed relationship until we've completely gotten over it, which takes time. My weekend was ok...a new girl I was starting to like joined the many others that just went MIA. It's honestly been eye opening how many people really just dissapear instead of tell you whats really going on. I'm going to NYC for work. I work at a lawfirm, and we have a case going to trial out there that we need to get geared up for. I'm always up for a drink
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Peter pan thats along time you have made it doing no contact... i dont know if i will be able to make it that long. hmm sounds like she was deffinetly sniffn around.. so i guess that should boost your ego a bit...id like to think my ex thinks about me.. i hope he misses the heck out of me.. but i wont find out from anyone.. i wasnt close to his friends,,, his parents live in Tenn... thou it seemed they really liked me the few times we hung out.. it seems most people have some to little info about there ex... and i was left with absolutly no info from him or anyone else.. Yah maybe her brother should have worded that differently.. but its nice to know he loved you.. but like BCCA said its not the ex saying it and i guess that would matter more. BCCA .. sorry the girl went MIA... maybe she will come around during the week.. im not looking forward to dating.. which leads me to think, why are ex's so ready to let go of us,, to go and start dating all over again,,, how do they muster up all that courage do dump us .. to go out and start all over with someone else that is going to have their own set of issues and differences and sooner later that new relatoinship will have problems aswell... why keep starting over? so your a lawyer huh? well im not talking to you anymore. hah hah:p Cool a NYC case.. hope its a good one... guess you will be needed a drink.
BCCA Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I dont think anyone really looks forward to starting over, and thats probably a big reason why people stay together longer than they probably should. I just think people get the idea that even if it sucks in the short term, if they can find someone they feel is a better match eventually, its worth some temporary frustration. Also, people generally refuse to take as much responsibility as they should for their part in the relationship problems, so just finding someone new gives them the ability to go a while longer without taking a look at themselves. Some people will never change, and will just keep going from one person to the next, blaming the relationships for everything. I have no info or updates about my ex, and I would just assume keep it that way. It wont do me any good to hear about her life or what shes doing right now. I also avoid her family and friends, because I dont want to get caught up passing info back and forth. Yeah, thats the standard response I get L-Fuzz lol I promise Im not a bad guy, though
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 well im sure BCCA your not a bad guy by what you've been writing here... im just glad you didnt say that your a NICE GUY:rolleyes: you said "I dont think anyone really looks forward to starting over, and thats probably a big reason why people stay together longer than they probably should. I just think people get the idea that even if it sucks in the short term, if they can find someone they feel is a better match eventually, its worth some temporary frustration. Also, people generally refuse to take as much responsibility as they should for their part in the relationship problems, so just finding someone new gives them the ability to go a while longer without taking a look at themselves. Some people will never change, and will just keep going from one person to the next, blaming the relationships for everything." boy you couldnt have said that better,, thanks for that,, made me feel better reading that.. you really seem to have good insight to things and really good at wording them in way that makes obvious sense.. not to dig bcca,, but what is your age? i dont think ive heard you mention that on any of your post,, but im curious..?? hope not to rude to ask:o
BCCA Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Believe it or not, I am actually a nice guy. I didn't have to sell my soul off to the devil for admission to the bar haha I'm 27. In my short life, I'm convinced that I've encountered almost every kind of jerk, a-hole, selfish girlfriend there is to have. Only after finding myself burned countless times did I finally start to take red flags seriously. Also, a big chunk of my life is spent writing, and formulating what Im thinking into words. Writing is actually a hobby of mine. Also, I really feel for people here, and I honestly take my responses seriously because I know how horrible life can seem when your relationship goes bad. Since you asked, how old are you? You dont have to answer, Im just curious
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 no problem im 30.( its in the first paragraph of this thread;)). by your writting i thought you'd be a bit older but sounds like you deffinetly been seasoned.. lucky you ..I certainly appriciate your feedback on here,, glad you still have your soul speaking of bars im off to work.. my soul is still intact just to let you know... till later have a good rest the day
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 i saw my ex walking down the street yesterday, not sure if he saw me. He was walking across an intersection away from my direction.. the odd part was it was only a block from my work were we met... weird timing that he happened to be walking by right when i was to be at work..what are the chances of that? I noticed he did not look towards my work place at all.. i just watched as he walked by from about half block away... i almost caught up to him..but decided not to.. i so wanted to .. if only i had been walking faster we would have run right into eachother.. that would have been crazy!...that would have shocked the **** out of him.. but then again he certainly didnt have to take that route to were he was going.. funny, the first time we broke up he lived two blocks from my work place and worked four blocks away from that.. in four months i never saw him.. he now lives and works in the financial district .. NOW we almost run into each other? i wish i hadnt seen him,,, i wish it had been the other way around... i cant believe i saw him,, i have not seen him since he left my apt July 6th.... and then called to break up with me from an airplane! God i just wanted to go up to him and say hi or say something>>> but i cant ..
BCCA Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Yeah, that's rough. I know what you mean about wanting to catch up and say hi, but who knows if he would have even been friendly about it. Just think about how it would have made you feel afterward, too. I doubt you would have felt any better, and you would have been tempted to give him a call/etc. You did the right thing. It's funny, my ex lives less than 2 miles away, and there are a lot of place I go all the time that I know she goes to as well, but we've never run into eachother ever. I guess its just random luck, but I really dont mind at all.
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 i know that if i hadnt had to go to work right then,, i would have caught up to him..... the weird part is while i was on the train i got this strange feeling i was going to see him... and when i did ,,, it was extra strange...like i had some warning system going on... hah! my ex has always been in shape.. but he looked extra slim when i saw him...I was surprised by that... i wonder if its because he been meloncholy?.. or if he's been working out more to look extra good for the next girl... Seeing him got my mind all worked up... like why did he choose to walk by right at the time he know's im to be at work... on the street that id have to pass to get to work,,, he deffinetly knew there would have been that chance...
BCCA Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 i know that if i hadnt had to go to work right then,, i would have caught up to him..... the weird part is while i was on the train i got this strange feeling i was going to see him... and when i did ,,, it was extra strange...like i had some warning system going on... hah! my ex has always been in shape.. but he looked extra slim when i saw him...I was surprised by that... i wonder if its because he been meloncholy?.. or if he's been working out more to look extra good for the next girl... Seeing him got my mind all worked up... like why did he choose to walk by right at the time he know's im to be at work... on the street that id have to pass to get to work,,, he deffinetly knew there would have been that chance... The problem is that you'll never have actual answers to those questions, and so you're left to just assume. Maybe he intentionally walked a different route to where he was going, maybe he was supposed to meet someone near, and didn't have any other choice. And maybe, it really didnt mean that much to him at all...totally random. You just dont know. What you do know is this: the two of you aren't together, and you can't worry about what he does and why anymore. I know, its the most buzz kill advice you can get, but its actually the truest statement I can make. It won't do you any good to wonder, because all you can do is make guesses and assume, and neither of those are doing anything for you.
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 i know that you are right ..i thought all those things myslef ,,just cant help but let it run throu my head for a minute.. its a buzz kill..but its one i need.. just to see him after all that time was an extra stab.. i just keep seeing him walking away from me ... Bcca when is the last time you seen your ex? Hey did you ever hear from that girl you said you were start'n to like?? i know what you mean about people dissappearing so easily. This guy asked me out on a date after we had been hanging out with mutual friends alot and then the next day he called to cancel..he never made new plans .. i dont really care,, except it was exactly how i remember dating to be... boys geeking out on themselves.. this is what im to be looking forward to? how fun.
BCCA Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Bcca when is the last time you seen your ex? About 2 months ago, which was a little over a month after the breakup. I got an email about a month ago, and thats the last I've heard. Hey did you ever hear from that girl you said you were start'n to like?? MIA lol Haven't heard from or seen her at all. But, at least I know that this is how she handles things, and I dont want to be involved with someone like that. Dating sucks for guys, too, and we always have to pay...
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 hah! you always have to pay.. yeah sorry i guess that might get old.. especially if they keep dissappearing.. i dont know i try and atleast pay half... but thats me..( they usually dont let me) Would you ever get back again with your ex.. say if she came around again, said and did the right things...would you ever give her a third chance?
BCCA Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 It's just annoying when you can tell within 5 minutes that youre not into a girl, but you know you'll have to sit through an entire meal, and then pay lol I dont really mind too much if people dissapear, its just confirmation that they werent the right one. Not that it doesnt suck... Wow, thats a million dollar question. I would honestly say no, and most of the reason why is that I dont see her doing enough to make me feel like giving it a try. Plus, Ive already been burned twice, and not really looking to have the same person crap on me 3 times. Also, I think the most effort she would make is to ask to hang out, and even that would probably be pushing it. If, in the very unusual circumstance of her coming back, admitting her faults, and making a genuine effort to make things right between us, would I consider giving her another shot? Yeah, I probably would. But I would be gaurded and she would get called on everything.
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 yeah i think thats why i always offer to pay half.. mainly because i dont want the other to feel obligated ... it is a million dollar question.. i had to ask you... cause you never know they could come around again with the right intent... except my ex cheated so id have to work throu a whole other issue on top of the fact he already dumped me twice... i wonder would LoveShack then start a section called Third chance?
BCCA Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 After this last relationship, I'm going to think long and hard before anyone gets even a second chance. It is true, you never know, but I feel like I know my ex well enough to know that things will probably never change between us, and that she isn't going to be beating down my door and trying to talk to me. Third chance haha I don't know...its like, we've already been through it twice, and it didnt work...I guess I dont see why next time would be different.
Author L-FUZZ Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 I know what you mean about giving anyone a second chance again..maybe if i was the dumper and i changed my mind,... i might be willing then.. hopefully that wont ever be the case i thought i understood the mistakes i made form the first round..i guess not. Now that i had my second chance... Right now im trying to learn from what mistakes i made in this relationship... but i tend to only blame myself,,, like it was all my fault for the relationship not working,, i guess that is common for the dumpee...?? BCCA, I was wondering what was some of your issues that you think lead to your breakup? I often wonder is it really the issues?... or is it the simple fact that one person is just not willing to fix the issues... because there is always something that need's to be worked on in a relationship especially if you made it past the fun.. la laaa la stage...
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