MichiganMan222 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 If you recall from prior threads, I am one that loves being in relationships. I don't like the dating thing very much. I love the chase (or be chased), the capture and then the building of the foundation. I love the companionship and togetherness. I love when we are apart we TX or email each other knowing we are thinking of each other. I don't have that now. I miss her and it kills me she's giving attention I should be getting to someone else. But do I really miss HER? I almost feel like if I had someone else in my life I would be just fine. How do you know if you are really in love with someone or if you are really just in love with the relationship. I feel in my heart if I found someone today, I would forget about her tomorrow, but I don't know if that's true or not.
Ronni_W Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 it kills me she's giving attention I should be getting to someone else. I feel in my heart if I found someone today, I would forget about her tomorrow, but I don't know if that's true or not. In my experience and knowing, the Heart will not lie to its owner, it cannot do that even if it wanted to. Your Heart is messaging you your truth, about that. Now, the part of your Conscious Mind that is telling you that you are actually ENTITLED to her attention...that part may be doing a number on you, big time. Cos, in truth, nobody else is carrying around attention that you "should be" getting, there is no obligation on anyone else's part, about that; and no entitlement or 'deservingness', on your part.
Author MichiganMan222 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 Yes I understand that, and I guess that was more an expression than anything. My pain almost feels more like jealousy than heartbreak. I don't know.
Crow9726 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I know exactly how you feel. I was with my wife for 28 years and it was the most affectionate, passionate and romantic relationship a man could hope for. When that ended, I avoided another relationship for 2 years. When I felt I was ready, a lady who I had known for awhile professed her desire to be with me. Unfortunately, she was nowhere near as affectionate and passionate as I need for my own emotional well-being. We parted some months back...and although I know that she didn't fulfill me in ways I need...I miss her terribly. One thing I have noticed through my own experiences and those of other posters is that you miss the good times...the feelings of companionship and closeness...intimacy and validation. You tend not to remember the bad times, the disagreements, the emotional emptiness, the detachment and lack of passion. I, too, dislike dating. I long for another relationship that nurtures and is mutually fulfilling. However, I know that I could easily rebound into something that I would regret later. Therefore, I am taking my time again. I also think it depends on whether or not you did the dumping...or got dumped. I think the general consensus is that the dumper moves on much more quickly since they had already dealt with it long before the one being dumped was even aware that something was going to change. When you find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her...your memories of the other will fade. Good luck to you...heck...good luck to me too!
EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Ah I know the feeling, it's like the major thing I miss is just having someone there. Sometimes I thought I could do or find someone better but I guess I was comfortable like hey she's sexy who cares if she's cranky and bossy. BUt I sfi love her ga makes no sense.
Ronni_W Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 My pain almost feels more like jealousy than heartbreak. I don't know. Ah, I see...the feeling is jealousy not pain -- that does make total sense. To me, that's one of the many normal reactions to the whole 'break-up thing', which does suck no matter what the circumstances. (((hugs)))
lofi_tokyo Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 If you recall from prior threads, I am one that loves being in relationships. I don't like the dating thing very much. I love the chase (or be chased), the capture and then the building of the foundation. I love the companionship and togetherness. I love when we are apart we TX or email each other knowing we are thinking of each other. I don't have that now. I miss her and it kills me she's giving attention I should be getting to someone else. But do I really miss HER? I almost feel like if I had someone else in my life I would be just fine. How do you know if you are really in love with someone or if you are really just in love with the relationship. I feel in my heart if I found someone today, I would forget about her tomorrow, but I don't know if that's true or not. I think thats a big part of why some people are always in a relationship of some kind - when one goes into decline they start up another before the last ends. Its a way of always keeping, and never losing, that "in a relationship" feeling.
ate_the_paint Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I think thats a big part of why some people are always in a relationship of some kind - when one goes into decline they start up another before the last ends. Its a way of always keeping, and never losing, that "in a relationship" feeling. Ya, that's my ex. She's never spent a moment as a single in her life. She always seems to have the next sucker lined up before she jumps ship.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Ya, that's my ex. She's never spent a moment as a single in her life. She always seems to have the next sucker lined up before she jumps ship. Kinda makes me wonder what those kinda people will do when they get older? When they have to face marriage, a BIG commitment - will they just hop into another relationship if things turn south? I hear children can really change people a lot, maybe that makes em stop callin' it quits rather than working things out. I have two girlfriends like this, and while they're wonderful people outside of relationships, in them, its a little bit insane.
EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Ya, that's my ex. She's never spent a moment as a single in her life. She always seems to have the next sucker lined up before she jumps ship. thats my ex we were together for 3 years she cheated dumped me, a week later already with someone new
Ruby Slippers Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I almost feel like if I had someone else in my life I would be just fine. Then that's probably true, and it sounds like you should move on.
Peter_pan Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I almost feel like if I had someone else in my life I would be just fine. at the time of my separation i thought this to, however it hasnt turned out to be the latter.
northstar1 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 If you recall from prior threads, I am one that loves being in relationships. I don't like the dating thing very much. I love the chase (or be chased), the capture and then the building of the foundation. I love the companionship and togetherness. I love when we are apart we TX or email each other knowing we are thinking of each other. I don't have that now. I miss her and it kills me she's giving attention I should be getting to someone else. But do I really miss HER? I almost feel like if I had someone else in my life I would be just fine. How do you know if you are really in love with someone or if you are really just in love with the relationship. I feel in my heart if I found someone today, I would forget about her tomorrow, but I don't know if that's true or not. You would likely not forget about her, but the massive amount of space in your head that is being occupied by thoughts of her would slowly be occupied by the new person you are seeing, and you'd be able to wean yourself off the memories and nostalgia.
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