jinx55 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 So this girl I have been dating now for about a week, and we have been friends for a little over a year is even though we are now an offical couple she still flirting with guys in front of me. Yesterday for example at a friends place there is a guy who is across the hall and both my friend and this guy like to keep there doors open. So my gf will randomly get up and walk over there and just flirt with him in front of me... for example they would make flirtacious jokes toward each other and then have friendly fights where she would pull his chair away from him and then he would grab her and they would laugh and it would seem if I wasn't even around. I am a very trusting person as I have had past relationships to learn that it is one of the most important things but none of my past gf's ever did this atleast in front of me. So my question is how should I approach this? I don't want to attack her and as far as I know her reputation isn't one that sleeps around and I enjoy her company except when she flirts excessivly in front of me. So I need some advice
EnigmasMuse Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Just tell her in a nice caring way how you feel. If she continues to flirt after she knows how you feel, then maybe you need to rethink why you're with someone who feels the need to flirt with others.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Date a month and then come back here. Did she flirt with you during the past year?
Federica Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 There's no need to quote the whole post all over again, especially if you're first response. if you need to reply to specific points, that's fair enough. But copying & pasting the whole post for no reason is just a waste of 'space'!Thanks!!
AAlike Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Another thing to realize is that people oftentimes set the bar of what constitutes "flirting" at a different level than others (or another way to look at it is that we're all always flirting to some degree, it's just determining when a line is crossed - haha). so she might not even realize that what she is doing has crossed the border of acceptability to you. i'm kind of a naturally off-the-cuff, silly guy, so I tend to make jokes in situations that don't always merit them...and hence i've been accused by my gf of flirting in scenarios where in my mind I was just being myself. so consider that she may not realize that she's affecting you (I've never seen the flirting so I don't know the severity, per se), and that should help you be able to approach this in a logical manner versus attacking her.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 IMO, that's a healthy perspective and why I asked for some "flirting" background from the OP. Since they've known each other for a year, he should be aware of her flirting "style". That's telling...
Author jinx55 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 We were acquaintances for that year for the most part, I should have stated that. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that we really started hanging out and became closer. I doubt she would approve if this situation was turned the other way around. The thing is that I am not push over and I don't take crap from people for very long, but other than this thing everything seems to be going okay so I don't want to just throw it away for something that could be fixed...
EnigmasMuse Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 That's why you tell her how you feel, then wait and see if she continues to act that way. OR, you could wait it out, and say nothing, and see what happens, but shes not going to know it bothers you unless you talk to her. Then again, maybe she does know it bothers you, and its what she is trying to do. If that's the case then shes playing games with you.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 As acquaintances, did she flirt with you and/or did you observe her flirting with other men? During the year, was she dating/in a relationship with someone? What I'm trying to establish is a pattern of behavior (or not).
AAlike Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 yeah I think that Carhill is on the right track. if you never observed this sort of behavior before you dated, then it's a strong possibility that she's trying to mess with you a little bit - this is not uncommon, especially if you guys are younger.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 If she is trying to "mess with you", remain calm. Do what you do. Get a bit quiet. Let her wonder how her behavior affects you. There is an appropriate time to set a boundary, and, IMO, after a "week of dating", now is not the time, regardless of how long you've known each other. Look around. Lots of ladies out there
blair08 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I agree a week is kind of short time frame, however, I do think you need to set your boundary now. Stand up for what you will or will not tolerate upfront. It must bother you, and obviously care what she's doing or you wouldn't be asking about it.
Author jinx55 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 thanks for the responses! I don't think she is playing games with me or anything but I can't say that for sure. I do want to say something but I am stuck on the fact that we have only been a couple for a week and it seems too soon to say anything. However on the other hand I don't want her to go on and think this type of behavior is fine because it does bother me. So should I wait it out (like a month to see if she continues) or say something to her next time we are alone?
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 IMO, it is too soon. You are dating, not in a committed relationship. She should be enjoying the attentions of other men, just like you should be with other women. Territoriality at this point will just drive her away. So, just to prove me wrong, be firm about that flirting boundary and see what happens
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