JosiePosie Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 On September 15, 2005, I left a live-in relationship and it tore me apart. I was living with my ex and over the last month or so, he made it obvious that he wanted out of the relationship. His actions spoke louder than words. My pride wouldn't let him do that to me and I couldn't take his distance and coldness anymore, so I got up and left. I was so shocked and stunned at how fast his feelings for me changed. I admit that we both had our own personal issues (he had an addiction to pills, and due to past relationships..I had a difficult time fully trusting his loyalty) that came into play at different times in our relationship. I did my best to be a good partner and stepmother to his son. There were many times when I felt that it always had to be about him and his life. I resented that. About two months after our break-up, he quickly started another relationship. She was someone I saw at various functions but didn't know personally. They became engaged 5 months later. It added salt to my wounds. I felt like I was falling into a black hole and I was scrambling to hold on to something. I lost quite a bit of weight and sleep. Just thinking back to that time reminds me how hard it was to readjust not having him in my daily life. Fast forward to today, I have been in a more mature and comforting relationship for the past 2 years. It took me about 7 months of casual dating to be open for a committed relationship with him. He has been so kind, caring, and patient with me. We have been living together for almost a year now. and brought a baby girl into this world in late August. I don't understand why I still think back to that old relationship. Perhaps because we never really sat down and talked about us. There was no closure. My pride wouldn't let me contact him and talk about reconciliation. There were many times when I wished he would...I never heard from him either. Now when I see him at functions with his fiancee, I can't imagine us being together. I shudder whenever I do...lol. His fiancee makes it obvious that she does not like me. They tend to run to the other side of the room whenever I enter. To be honest, I like seeing that reaction from them. I am still angry over what happened between Ryan and I. I felt like I did and gave whatever I could and it wasn't enough. I still carry some hurt feelings. I think to myself "Get over it already. Your life is so much better now." He hurt me badly and wonder when I will be unaffected by the memory. Am I the only person who feels like this?
Lovegod Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 If you're still thinking about this guy, it's likely that you're not getting something from your current relationship. Perhaps the guy you're with now isn't really Mr. Right if you find the need to think about your ex and how you could have fixed things. You wouldn't be thinking about the need to fix those things if your current man isn't as satisfying as your ex was.
JooLee Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 i dont think its that youre not getting something from your current guy. i think its just some unsettled issues, like how you feel you been treated wrongly by someone that you trusted. you probably never expected out of all people, someone that you once shared yr life with could be so cruel. i think its all based on how you were wronged. the betrayal. and perharps you just need to hear the apology from him.
tinke Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 No, I don't believe you are the only one to feel this way. When a R. ends bitterly without any discussion, of course, one would have unresolved feelings. An aquaintance of mine has carried feelings for an ex for over 20 yrs. Why? There was never any closure, no last conversation, etc. After 20 yrs., she finallly met up with him and had "their" talk! Not to add salt to an injury, I am just statng that it is not "ridiculous" to have these emotions. You are human and were hurt badly, and it is also difficult to digest the difference in the ex's behavior. I agree, this is someone you trusted to sit down (as an adult) and talk things out that were troubling him, he did the R. a disservice if he did not. I believe the reason the memory is still painful is because the hurt was so great, not necessarily that you are lacking in your current R.
Author JosiePosie Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Thank you for the responses to my issue, even though I haven't been on this website since it was posted. I still feel the same. He was someone that I cared for deeply despite the issues that were coming up. I felt like he turned it all onto me, and that it was something that I was doing wrong. I don't know if we will ever have the opportunity to sit down and talk it through. I need to find a way to resolve this on my own. Let me know if there are others who are going through the same thing. Thanks.
jtaime Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 IMO, I think it is closure that you are looking for, but will closure do you any good in this case? You are right Josie.. you need to find a way to settle this on your own.. dont let it deplete your emotional energy or inflict negative energy in you. Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. Let the past stay in the past as it is where it should be. It wont do us much good digging up that bitter past and to re-live those painful moments again.
red shoes Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 IMO, I think it is closure that you are looking for, but will closure do you any good in this case? Are closures really necessary? I didn't have a closure because I didn't think I would have gotten anything that would make me feel better. I'm still reminded of what happened sometimes but I'm not sure it's exactly because I didn't have a closure.
Scottdmw Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My situation is similar, over two years since the breakup and I still feel angry sometimes. Never got the chance to have a real closure talk, she quickly cut off contact and started seeing someone else. Then she refused to talk to me at all, which really hurt and still does. I can say that it's gotten better, I feel less angry and spend less time thinking about it now than I used to. I'm not sure I know any real good solutions other than just try to focus on what you can do right now rather than spending a lot of time thinking about what happened. Scott
Recommended Posts