Sysyphus28 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I have been writing poetry, reading, hanging out with new girls...............etc I am having trouble shaking her!! I still want to call/write/txt/ I DON' because I am trying to stick to NC, but I want to. I miss her. Or the memory of her, or whatever......... This Nc forces you to feel the void, it is really hard. I don't want to find out the hard way and call her and feel like a piece of sh**.
foxh1234 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Hey Kiz, I just found and read your post. I agree about loneliness. I have lots of great and very close friends and I still feel lonely at times. It is the intimate connection that I miss with my ex. Just the simple squeeze of my hand or a hug. I haven't found that intimate connection yet but I will and so will you. It might just take us a bit of time. We both have to be grateful and happy for how far we have come in this crazy thing. Think back to where we were 3-4 months ago. You my friend have come very very far and I am pround of you. The loneliness your feeling is normal and part of the aftermath. Just when you least expect it, you will meet someone and all of this will become a distant memory. Hang in there my friend and keep in touch.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I have been writing poetry, reading, hanging out with new girls...............etc I am having trouble shaking her!! I still want to call/write/txt/ I DON' because I am trying to stick to NC, but I want to. I miss her. Or the memory of her, or whatever......... This Nc forces you to feel the void, it is really hard. I don't want to find out the hard way and call her and feel like a piece of sh**. I'm with you SYS. I've been following your story for a while and can relate. You miss what you thought was her, but the truth is far from your perception (mine too). You're better off without her, but just need to get past that glorification stage. Crazy how it sounds so simple, yet is so difficult. The mind plays terrible tricks on you sometimes! I'm close to three months NC (at least from my end) and still have bad days. Hopefully they will end sooner rather than later! HPD
SRV Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I think some of the clinical psychologists need to visit this site and read the valuable information and support from people going through the emotional distress of relationships. The advise on here has been invaluable in my case, knowing that you are never alone in the suffering.
RogueAC Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Kiz, great thoughts here! I try to anticipate times that I may feel lonely. This gives me an opportunity to plan ahead—be it an activity, hobby or whatever and enjoy the time alone. When having a similar conversation with a close friend, she said something along the lines of “imagine this is the last day you will ever be alone. What would you do?” Worth thinking about.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I'm with you SYS. I've been following your story for a while and can relate. You miss what you thought was her, but the truth is far from your perception (mine too). You're better off without her, but just need to get past that glorification stage. Crazy how it sounds so simple, yet is so difficult. The mind plays terrible tricks on you sometimes! I'm close to three months NC (at least from my end) and still have bad days. Hopefully they will end sooner rather than later! HPD I have to be better off without her............she is forcing me too. I could try to weasel my way back in with some kind of dignity-crushing, humbling, walk on my knees, gestures that would make her question her decision. BUT I can't brnig myself to do it.....I would always resent her, plus I couldn't take another second of her cold treatment. She actually said........while I was crying like a bitch and asking her to be with me again, "you are making me uncomfortable". This is what you get when you date someone 7 years younger......she was 21. All of a sudden after the break-up she was "young-minded" she wanted to be around people her own age. This is after living together and everything,........... I feel like a moron who wasted his time. Her actions at the end of our relationship were so BRUTAL. She hasn't shown one drop of respect or kindness.........she just moved on and started F-ing her best friend. 6 weeks NC and I feel like a jackass still!
ViperGTS29 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I was thinking the same exact thing the other day. Im in the same boat as you bro. I feel your pain.
Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I have to be better off without her............she is forcing me too. I could try to weasel my way back in with some kind of dignity-crushing, humbling, walk on my knees, gestures that would make her question her decision. BUT I can't brnig myself to do it.....I would always resent her, plus I couldn't take another second of her cold treatment. She actually said........while I was crying like a bitch and asking her to be with me again, "you are making me uncomfortable". This is what you get when you date someone 7 years younger......she was 21. All of a sudden after the break-up she was "young-minded" she wanted to be around people her own age. This is after living together and everything,........... I feel like a moron who wasted his time. Her actions at the end of our relationship were so BRUTAL. She hasn't shown one drop of respect or kindness.........she just moved on and started F-ing her best friend. 6 weeks NC and I feel like a jackass still! i hope my ex does this to the dude who she went onto from me, he was 5 yrs older than her. she is 21. edit, actually i hope he drops her and she can feel pain. sorry to hear that happend though. life is a b*tch then you marry 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 What do you do when you KNOW you are a great person, intelligent, kind, etc., but NO ONE else is around to see it? Or, rather, they ARE around, you just haven't MET them yet. It's hard to be your biggest fan all the time. Sometimes we need a little encouragement. We're human, after all. And for anyone who understands this post, really gets it, know that I feel your pain, as cliche as it sounds. I feel ya. In the past, I have very rarely felt lonely, even when single. I have always enjoyed my own company and known how to entertain myself. But I think I am figuring out that that is because I have always had prospects on the horizon, and a lot of hope. I am feeling cynical these days, and intentionally keeping myself off the market for a while, and it IS lonely. It's SUCH a foreign feeling for me. It is very hard to derive all your own inspiration and will from within, with very little outside encouragement or validation. I don't like to admit that, but it's true. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish with this single time, but my challenge right now is working my drive and inspiration back up so I can do everything I want to. I have started so many music projects in the past (including with some exes), and this time I am going to do a SOLO album (with guest musicians, but most of it will be my work). No excuses for not getting it done because it's all in my hands.
ahhhchooo Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I probably had one of the worst feelings yesterday, sitting in my car after work for over an hour wondering what I could do. Cycled through my list of contacts on my phone and there was noone I could call to organise something that would make me feel any less bad. I just sat there staring into the distance, feeling that void and how my ex said this situation would never happen. I got so angry with her then, but really I'm getting angry with myself. I can't be angry with her because she'll never even know I'm angry with her. I'll never tell her these thoughts, never again let her know the depth of betrayal and loneliness she has caused. Don't feel entirely great to report I've had quite a few ill feelings, wishing her to be betrayed in the same way I have been - then having noone to turn to. Haven't been keeping busy enough this week, lol
Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 ^ Ugh, sucks! I have not had much motivation to make friends or hang out, myself. Good thing I got a cat recently. At least she loves me.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I probably had one of the worst feelings yesterday, sitting in my car after work for over an hour wondering what I could do. Cycled through my list of contacts on my phone and there was noone I could call to organise something that would make me feel any less bad. I just sat there staring into the distance, feeling that void and how my ex said this situation would never happen. I got so angry with her then, but really I'm getting angry with myself. I can't be angry with her because she'll never even know I'm angry with her. I'll never tell her these thoughts, never again let her know the depth of betrayal and loneliness she has caused. Don't feel entirely great to report I've had quite a few ill feelings, wishing her to be betrayed in the same way I have been - then having noone to turn to. Haven't been keeping busy enough this week, lol Damn, its so scary to read things that you could've written yourself. I wish we could all meet somewhere and have a party and see that we really aren't alone.
Author kizik Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Well, I've been hanging out with people lately, but no one that matches my intellect or that I really like very much. As a result I have found myself feeling MORE lonely being around people that don't understand me or care about me, than if I was literally alone. So, the guy who started this thread - me - has actually turned off his phone and gone into self-imposed solitude. Don't ask me why, I guess it's nice to not be "on-call," if you can understand that. Nothing wrong with reading a book, watching a movie, playing some guitar and jerking off.
motive2002 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm learning that my own loneliness is a comfort zone. Somehow I've adopted the idea that this is my fate. That I am somehow unworthy of love. It is this belief that unglued my last relationship. My constant need for reassurance brought things to a breaking point. It is something I am working on. This comfort zone. I also find it difficult to meet new people at times for similar reasons. So many people seem shallow or dare I say, dim-witted. To paraphrase a line from a movie I once saw.. "It's easy for most people. Give 'em a Big Mac and a pair of Nike's and they're happy. I can't relate to 99% of humanity..." I feel like that sometimes....
Author kizik Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Don't worry, m: just because you feel like most people are f*cking idiots does not make you an elitist. The fact is that there are 6 billion of us, at least half of which (that's putting it optimistically) are really not worth getting to know. I do, however, want to tell you that hell yes, you deserve love. I can understand your mentality, but don't let that one terrible woman change your self-image. Lately I venture out into the world a bit, don't like it, and return to myself. I've got one or two people in my life that are worth my time. That's fine. I'm not going to compromise my time anymore - it's too valuable and I have too much to offer to just give it away without receiving it in return.
ahhhchooo Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Damn, its so scary to read things that you could've written yourself. I wish we could all meet somewhere and have a party and see that we really aren't alone. Yes, get tipsy and bitch about the lies and deceit
EmperorR Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 You guys want to know about loneliness? here is my sad sad tale Was with my ex for 3 years, jealous as hell most of all my close friensd were girls, she was so jealous I gave up all my friends (yes I know a idiot), she cheated on me dumped me, I literally have no one, im like a damn recluse now, thats the thing I hate the most is the loneliness, I could get another gf but I'm not ready ofr that, and I would hate for someone to get attached to me or have feelings and then I feel nothing towards them and have them feel like I have. So here I am all alone in a apt, with memories everywhere and the urge to text or call but I will not.
ahhhchooo Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 You guys want to know about loneliness? here is my sad sad tale Was with my ex for 3 years, jealous as hell most of all my close friensd were girls, she was so jealous I gave up all my friends (yes I know a idiot), she cheated on me dumped me, I literally have no one, im like a damn recluse now, thats the thing I hate the most is the loneliness, I could get another gf but I'm not ready ofr that, and I would hate for someone to get attached to me or have feelings and then I feel nothing towards them and have them feel like I have. So here I am all alone in a apt, with memories everywhere and the urge to text or call but I will not. I think most of us relate with this, it's about freeing yourself from this situation. I think you need to force yourself out man, a lot of the time I feel I cannot face the world and I can't feel anything for someone else, but I force myself out the door and know people are dealing with problems of their own, everyone is fighting a demon. I force myself out with people who's company I do not necessarily want or need, but by networking through these people and activities (which I have lukewarm interest in) I have met a few others I would really like to get to know. And maybe eventually find another where the feeling is pleasantly mutual. Remember, you probably didn't fall in love with your ex in a day (unless you truly believe in 'love at first sight'). So why should it be any different with a new person? I am far from claiming to be an expert.. but I believe there really is light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. We can walk there now, or later.
sumdude Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 It's that certain kind of loneliness... For about the first year after my wife left I spent a lot of time by myself, with myself. Feeling that isolated loneliness but also working on myself and getting to know myself. Now I'm busy as can be. So many social engagements and also playing a lot of gigs with bands. Thing is I can still be lonely in a crowd.. how strange is that? I'll walk off the stage and all the people there are dancing, having fun, laughing, hooking up etc etc and I'm just not in that moment. I have a lot of good friends I'm very thankful for, and some family too. That part of my life isn't lonely at all. Yet that other part... still is lonely. The void is still there, not as looming or nearly as painful.. yet there it is. ..ah what it is to be human... I still have things to learn and work on.
nopainnogain Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Don't worry, m: just because you feel like most people are f*cking idiots does not make you an elitist. The fact is that there are 6 billion of us, at least half of which (that's putting it optimistically) are really not worth getting to know. . I used to feel this way too. But for me I have realized this is a negative approach. Everyone in this world is worthy. Except child molesters and killers. We are here to help eachother in this world. I believe 99% of society is worth getting to know.
sedgwick Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm a damn bellydancer and no men want me...yeah, that makes me feel sad and lonely. I'm a published author, I have a big brain. I will happily knit beautiful things and bake bread for those I love. I give a kickass massage. I'm independent, have my own place and a good job, and have no kids. And yet still, there is no man out there who is interested. I'm very lonely, but I've accepted that love is not going to be a part of my life and I'm trying hard to just spend as much time as possible with friends.
2sure Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 A while ago, before I remarried, I was busy, had people in my life, had interests...but wasnt really happy or content. It took me years to figure out that I was lonely. I thought I was good alone before then, I thought it was a distinct possibility that for some reason I was not able to have a permanent relationship. When I realized I was lonely, and that I was not unusual or inferior to feel I wanted/needed this companionship...I very proactively set my sights in that direction. For me it worked and no one could be more surprised. But lonliness - I'm not sure if I am posting here because I am lonely. I know that I am happy , but I also know I do not have many really friends that are mine alone (not H's, not family). I miss that, so that may be lonliness. However, I definitely get some fulfillment and satisfaction posting here. The luxery of being completely honest can only be done anonymously.
Shygirl15 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I guess we are all sharing our stories, right? Well, I'm not exactly in a lonely situation; I have tons of people around and things to keep me busy but I have a tendency to shut people out therefore creating my own loneliness. Very common for me to just ignore phonecalls, emails and any type of communication for no apparent reason. Anything to get people off my back, I will do. Heck, the last time I spoke to my own mother on the phone was probably 6 months ago. I have never understood why this happens. I can't seem to stop it from happening too.
sunshinegirl Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I guess we are all sharing our stories, right? Well, I'm not exactly in a lonely situation; I have tons of people around and things to keep me busy but I have a tendency to shut people out therefore creating my own loneliness. Very common for me to just ignore phonecalls, emails and any type of communication for no apparent reason. Anything to get people off my back, I will do. Heck, the last time I spoke to my own mother on the phone was probably 6 months ago. I have never understood why this happens. I can't seem to stop it from happening too. Interesting - I find that I too have been shutting people out - not returning calls and emails, and letting certain friendships stall out for no particular reason. It occurred to me the other night that - well, jeez, this piece of my loneliness is of my own making! If I would just reach out to people more, I would find plenty of things to do.
sad&lonely Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Man i guess most of us share the same feelings. Since my breakup i have been so damn lonely that its killing me i put all my cards on the line for this girl.. while i was with her i lost touch with friends now im here alone.. this is prob the worse feeling ever when i had her i always had someone by my side i miss that so much. i have this big void in my life now where i have options to fill it up but nothing will be able to replace it i dont have the confidence or anyting to meet someone new and even then that comfort zone i had with this girl i think i will never get again and it hurts so much.. maybe im wrong i hope to god im wrong
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