kizik Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Let's admit it, a lot of us who are here posting are suffering from loneliness. Most likely, we have recently (up to a year ago or less) gone through, or are still going through a breakup. What happens is that the person you used to call, text, etc. MANY times a day - is no longer there. You're in No Contact. There's a huge void in your life, and it's where the ex used to reside. It doesn't solve itself automatically. In fact, it hasn't solved itself in the 6 months since mine and I broke up. What do you do when you KNOW you are a great person, intelligent, kind, etc., but NO ONE else is around to see it? Or, rather, they ARE around, you just haven't MET them yet. I'm in college, I'm working, I'm recording music but I have not yet met a good friend, male or female, who is willing to be as good a friend to me as I am to them. It's hard to be your biggest fan all the time. Sometimes we need a little encouragement. We're human, after all. And for anyone who understands this post, really gets it, know that I feel your pain, as cliche as it sounds. -Josh
Chinook Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Hey Kiz Yep, know what you mean. 18 months and counting. :-|
Yamaha Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from the world. (fromWikipedia). It looks depressing just reading about loneliness. Time to join the world. ....but I do get it.
EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Let's admit it, a lot of us who are here posting are suffering from loneliness. Most likely, we have recently (up to a year ago or less) gone through, or are still going through a breakup. What happens is that the person you used to call, text, etc. MANY times a day - is no longer there. You're in No Contact. There's a huge void in your life, and it's where the ex used to reside. It doesn't solve itself automatically. In fact, it hasn't solved itself in the 6 months since mine and I broke up. What do you do when you KNOW you are a great person, intelligent, kind, etc., but NO ONE else is around to see it? Or, rather, they ARE around, you just haven't MET them yet. I'm in college, I'm working, I'm recording music but I have not yet met a good friend, male or female, who is willing to be as good a friend to me as I am to them. It's hard to be your biggest fan all the time. Sometimes we need a little encouragement. We're human, after all. And for anyone who understands this post, really gets it, know that I feel your pain, as cliche as it sounds. -Josh ah thats basically me, I mean I love my ex even though she cheated on me and treated me like dirt, but I guess the number one thing I miss the most, is just having her there when I neded, whether on yahoo messenger, msn, or just texting, or just talking about anything.
gilbert Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Hello everyone who is lonely as me too. Maybe this isn't the best way, but it is a way to express your feelings and sometimes people write back and tell you that you do matter.
Author kizik Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 Time to join the world. Do your best not to be condescending, and please don't come on here and act like you're better than me. I am not f-ing detached from the world, in fact I try quite hard to be outgoing and make friends. I don't sit around here all day crying either, I live my life and I am simply disappointed in the amount of lame-a$$ people out there. So, in conclusion, I am not your classic hermit, I am not a hermit at all. I love life and I don't have anyone cool to share it with.
Green Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I post on here for the fun of it same reason I turn the tv on. Although I know some people turn the tv on to keep them company like old people. If your going to win the fight against loneliness your going to have to get out there and start fighting
ioncebelieved Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Hey Josh!! Glad to see you back around!!! Do not make the mistake I did and spend time with someone you KNOW will not be in your life for the long haul! I allowed a woman in my life and I really should not have. She wants too much out of our time together and I made it clear to her that I was still hurting and getting over a break up. I really am trying to be JUST friends with this woman, but she just tries too hard. Now I am finding spending time with her DOES nothing for me emotionally and does nothing for the loneliness. We first hooked up knowing the score of each other, but she thinks she can turn me around. I feel like I really am just wasting time with her and need to let her move on. Again, Josh, glad to see you around!
ioncebelieved Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Do your best not to be condescending, and please don't come on here and act like you're better than me. I am not f-ing detached from the world, in fact I try quite hard to be outgoing and make friends. I don't sit around here all day crying either, I live my life and I am simply disappointed in the amount of lame-a$$ people out there. So, in conclusion, I am not your classic hermit, I am not a hermit at all. I love life and I don't have anyone cool to share it with. WOW!!! Since my break up, I feel like a hermit at times, but I am okay with that as I still heal. I could use more friends, hell, who couldn't? You are still cool with me K!!!!
lonelybuthappy Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Let's admit it, a lot of us who are here posting are suffering from loneliness. Most likely, we have recently (up to a year ago or less) gone through, or are still going through a breakup. What happens is that the person you used to call, text, etc. MANY times a day - is no longer there. You're in No Contact. There's a huge void in your life, and it's where the ex used to reside. It doesn't solve itself automatically. In fact, it hasn't solved itself in the 6 months since mine and I broke up. What do you do when you KNOW you are a great person, intelligent, kind, etc., but NO ONE else is around to see it? Or, rather, they ARE around, you just haven't MET them yet. I'm in college, I'm working, I'm recording music but I have not yet met a good friend, male or female, who is willing to be as good a friend to me as I am to them. It's hard to be your biggest fan all the time. Sometimes we need a little encouragement. We're human, after all. And for anyone who understands this post, really gets it, know that I feel your pain, as cliche as it sounds. -Josh Great post I feel the same.. I can only say don't give up. I'm almost 39, and 17 months into NC. Try this, it helped me... http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/cms/index.htm Good luck
Lovelybird Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I found out nothing can sooth my loneliness except of God. Ok, if a man cares about me and desires me, it does make me feel good and feel like singing in my heart. But sometimes even a man who love you cannot get what you really feel. Only God does. And I found out if I search fellowship with a certain group in order to lessen my loneliness, and rely on the group or a man for my happiness, it would get sour at some point, I am sure you all know what I am saying. Anyway if my heart is joyful because of God's presense, then certainly other areas of my life are joyful. That's my personal discovering
SoundTribe Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 i know what you mean buddy. Me and my girlfriend broke up a month and a half ago and I feel lonely on the days I don't have work. (i can't go to college until January) and all of my friends are in college out of state. Keep fighting!
ioncebelieved Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I found out nothing can sooth my loneliness except of God. Ok, if a man cares about me and desires me, it does make me feel good and feel like singing in my heart. But sometimes even a man who love you cannot get what you really feel. Only God does. And I found out if I search fellowship with a certain group in order to lessen my loneliness, and rely on the group or a man for my happiness, it would get sour at some point, I am sure you all know what I am saying. Anyway if my heart is joyful because of God's presense, then certainly other areas of my life are joyful. That's my personal discovering That must explain why I talk to our God often!!! The Lord never gets tired of hearing it. It has added some hope for me, well the right hope.
kelvincarol Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 ya i know how the lonleyness is... some times it will be pain full
orangehose Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Loneliness sucks. It is definitely one of the biggest challenges in the latter stages of healing. I find myself trying to jam my schedule with as many activities and events as possible, so as to avoid sitting on my rear end, alone in a dark room, posting on this website. But there are limits to this approach - you've got to come home to an empty room no matter what, deal with unfilled chunks of time, etc. And there are only so many superficial cocktail party-type interactions you can tolerate before you realize that those don't really fill the void. Now, it's perfectly natural and human to feel lonely. But at the same time - and this is a new belief that's come over me lately - a relationship just feels like a fake, unreliable, ephemeral way to fill that void. Sure, we can all fall into new relationships, but then we've again just temporarily postponed dealing with that void. So I'm thinking there's got to be some way to confront loneliness head-on other than just grabbing onto the next available human being. But I'm not sure what it is... I'm not a religious believer, but I could see how religion could fill that gap. Maybe there's an equivalent for the non-believers.
orangehose Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Just wanted to add another thought - that I'm actually rather proud, in a way, that I'm facing loneliness. My existence feels more real and human. I relate more to old people who are dying alone. I'm forced to create my own identity. I'm even forced to think about inevitable realities, like death and sickness, now that I don't have a relationship to consume my mental space. Of course, provide me with a good, smart, trustworthy guy, and all the nonsense above might go out the window. But until then... I'll continue to believe that loneliness builds character.
sunshinegirl Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I agree w/ orangehose...experiencing loneliness can build character. Question is, how much loneliness does one have to experience to build that character? I've had quite enough, thanks. I have lots and lots of character at this point!
nick212 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I'm lonely, and it sucks, but I will wake up tomorrow.
EmperorR Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 sad isnt it the only time i talk to anyone is at work, i literally feel like im going insane at home, i just have to turn on music and sing along or whatever.
alwayssme Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I agree w/ orangehose...experiencing loneliness can build character. Question is, how much loneliness does one have to experience to build that character? I've had quite enough, thanks. I have lots and lots of character at this point! i agree...that was funny
marlena Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 What do you do when you KNOW you are a great person, intelligent, kind, etc., but NO ONE else is around to see it? Or, rather, they ARE around, you just haven't MET them yet. You don't care. It's enough to know yourself. You like your own company and if someone happens to like it too, that's great. If not, that's great too. You are your own source of happiness and grief.
Author kizik Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 ...a relationship just feels like a fake, unreliable, ephemeral way to fill that void. Sure, we can all fall into new relationships, but then we've again just temporarily postponed dealing with that void. Sometimes I feel this way too, O.H., but instead of thinking as relationships as ways to avoid dealing with loneliness and being alone with one's thoughts, I prefer to be less cynical about it. I will tell you that it hurts me each and every time I see a couple holding hands, etc. I hate seeing people kissing. But I consciously realize that my reaction is so strong because I am jealous. I will allow that many people use relationships as a crutch, but for many others, they are simply lucky to have met awesome people, and I'm f*cking jealous of them.
Author kizik Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Just wanted to add another thought - that I'm actually rather proud, in a way, that I'm facing loneliness. My existence feels more real and human. I relate more to old people who are dying alone. I'm forced to create my own identity. I'm even forced to think about inevitable realities, like death and sickness, now that I don't have a relationship to consume my mental space. Of course, provide me with a good, smart, trustworthy guy, and all the nonsense above might go out the window. But until then... I'll continue to believe that loneliness builds character. Your saying this helps me. Makes me remember why I come to this site - for insights as sound as yours. You are quite right that all this sh*t builds character. And it does allow for a lot of contemplation. But like you said, gimme someone great and all that self-talk will disappear. I just wanna be in love again, or at least have someone take an interest in me. But then you have what marlena said...
Author kizik Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 You don't care. It's enough to know yourself. You like your own company and if someone happens to like it too, that's great. If not, that's great too. You are your own source of happiness and grief. ...which I think is f*cking amazing. These are some words I needed to hear. This is what it's all about. Thank you.
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