Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I'll make this short, cause I dont want to write a book. I met this guy 2 years ago. I asked him out, he said he wasn't interested in dating me. 2 years have gone by and he hasn't dated any girl. He is shy, quiet and always leaves the first move to the girl. We are friends, but see each other maybe once a week. Mostly we chat through email. A while back (couple of months) he couldnt look me in the eyes while chatting. He was also nervous around me. Then he started to become very chatty in emails with lots of teasing and in person. Then it stopped. We recently attended an event together and we got a bite to eat for dinner, then he snubbed me all night. I then ignored him the next day. Now he is chatty, makes a point to come and sit with me, calls me to see if I made it home ok. Whats up with this?
MrMe Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I would say he does. He reminds me of how I was around girls that I've liked in the past.
Author Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 I am leaning in that direction too. I've tried very much to think that he doesnt have interest in me, and have asked people many questions. The thing is, if youre a guy would you tease a girl that you have no interest in dating. If he didnt show any interest in teasing, chatting and the whole nervous thing...then I could accept that he has no interest. So now, he has interest. What do I do about it? When I show interest he backs off...right now he is 'in'...cause I am ignoring him. I hate games. Do you think if I show 1/2 the interest as before I wont lose his interest? The simple thing is to just come out and say the truth...but there are some people that are turned off with that...
MrMe Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Before I try to answer your questions...how is he around other girls, if you would know? I know he's shy, but once he gets to know other girls is he kinda flirty? I dont know, really. It sounds like he's kinda unsure about how he feels about you. Not necessarily that he's trying to play games with you. I dont think its intentional. Maybe he's kinda just testing the waters, so to speak. Or, it could be he just craves attention.
Author Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 No, he's definatley not an attention seeker...shy people arent like that (I'm one). He doesnt have many friends and we are in our 30's so there's none of that school stuff. When he's around other women he's quiet and lets them initiate contact. Or if he knows them better he will chat with them but doesnt tease them (maybe cause he knows me well enough and that I respond by teasing him back). The girls he knows are much older (50's) and doesnt know or hang out with any (other than me) his age. So, how can I test the waters with him, to see if its real or a game? Without pushing him away again.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 OP, some people aren't relationship people. Think about that, irrespective of whether he does or does not "like" you
trueblue72ny Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Go out for a few drinks, get him loosened up and then plant one on him. If he waits for other women to initiate chat, I am sure you would have to in other areas as well?
Author Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 hmmm, thanks, but this isnt where I want this thread to go. He has been married before and so much wants to again. We both dont drink, so that wont work. I'm just wondering about this ignorance thing all of a sudden. I was just ignoring him because of his behaviour towards me. Then all of a sudden he is chatty, friendly and caring. This means he must like me. Cause I have ignored other guys and they dont respond like this. But I just dont know what to do next. I dont like to ignore the guy I want. But if I start to show interest he backs off....I'm lost.
carhill Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 But I just dont know what to do next. I dont like to ignore the guy I want. But if I start to show interest he backs off....I'm lost. Yes, you are, and do you really want to invest time and energy into such a venture? Seriously?
BCCA Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I would say he does. He reminds me of how I was around girls that I've liked in the past. I'm going to disagree. I think he told you two years ago that he didn't want to date you, and regardless of how he acts at times, until he retracts that statement or makes actions that disprove it, I would stick with that. Don't attach too much meaning to flirting. Yes, when you first meet someone, it can be a good way to gauge their interest, but when you know someone for a while, its also an easy way to get some attention when you're lonely. I would approach him again about the subject of you two dating, in a casual way, and see what he has to say. If he backs off again, then there is your answer: he likes to flirt, nothing more. It doesnt mean he doesnt like you, it just means that he might not like you in the way you want him to. Get your answer now, dont play anymore games.
Author Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 theres a lot of history that you guys dont know and I'm not going to write about it. Which means its very difficult to give an accurate opinion. He is very different from most guys, which is why I like him so much. Its just that he is shy and so am I. And I dont know how to appraoch a guy. People can change their minds in dating, I've seen it happen many times. We didnt know each other at all when we first met and he was having a difficult time then.... But he knows me a lot more now, plus he is having a very diffult time meeting anyone...which means I should make a move...but i just dont know how. Just because someone may not be "perfect" doesnt mean we need to dump them and move on. We all have out negativities and I see the positives in him over the negative ones...he just needs someone in his life to help support him to become the kinda guy he wants to be. We all ahve lots to learn in dating and make mistakes.
BCCA Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 No one is perfect, and to expect that they are would be foolish. However, I just want to point out that you're problems seems to be that he appears to be playing games or giving mixed signals. The only discussion you two have had about a possible relationship occured 2 years ago when he said no. All I'm saying is that you can play this game for as long as it takes to get an answer, or you can take the bull by the horns and get your info now. Don't be affraid of the truth, you'll get it sooner or later. The fact that you're avoiding talking to him or thinking about acting differently tells me that you're affraid of what his answer is going to be if you ask him an honest question about where you two stand. I'm not saying at the first sign of a problem you should ditch him and move on, however, you're in limbo-land, and don't even know what to think or expect, and you dont want to be there any longer than you have to. Don't lie to yourself, this can't be a lot of fun for you. All I'm saying is that you need and deserve to know where you two stand so you can act accordingly. He could just be shy, but you'll never know if you don't find out.
Author Flowerpower7 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 yes, youre right...waiting is very difficult. I just have to find the right time. My horoscope told me that I am ready and am clear about what I want, but he isnt ready as he is waivering. Then it said for me to wait as the right time will come soon. The guy I like has shown interest twice before by the way he looked at me, but I didnt catch on and missed the chance. So, I just have to wait for the time to come again. I cant approach him, when his ego is super big, I have to wait for it to deflate.
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