alwayssme Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 what is wrong with me? why do i still love someone who changed so much and moved on with his life so fast? and i still LOVE HIM. i have cried to him and told him i missed him (not recently but at the begining) and 3 weeks ago i called him and said "i miss you, not just as my boyfriend but simply as a person. i want us to be friends because we were really good friends many years before we went out and i dont want to lose my best friend" and he said "i'm always your friend and i will always be here for you" then we hung up.....and he texted me days later, casual short converstaion...i feel so confused...because honestly i do love him as a friend too...BUT as a true friend, NOT how we are. it is so awkard being his friend. the weird thing is he doesn't even flirt with me AT ALL, we always had that there since the first day we met. i don't know what to do. i feel like i have lost all my pride because i have showed him how i feel too many times and i am not trying to get my BOYFRIEND back, im trying to get my BEST FRIEND back, but i feel like i'm losing him altogether! i don't want to lose him but i also am scared to talk to him about this matter because i do not like feeling rejection over and over again.how is he my "friend" if he never calls me or shares nothing with me anymore? why can't i have some dignity and WALK AWAY!! i love him too much. what am i doing? somebody please give me some advice
Geishawhelk Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Listen, and listen good. You can't turn the clock back to the way it was, before the way it was. You were friends, then lovers, then you broke up. Things can never go backwards. It's impossible, too much has happened, and the feelings are different. He won't ever flirt with you again, because now, it wouldn't be right. Can't go back. Have to move on. Let go. It's not going to happen.
Author alwayssme Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 Listen, and listen good. You can't turn the clock back to the way it was, before the way it was. You were friends, then lovers, then you broke up. Things can never go backwards. It's impossible, too much has happened, and the feelings are different. He won't ever flirt with you again, because now, it wouldn't be right. Can't go back. Have to move on. Let go. It's not going to happen. so what you're saying is we can't even be friends now? love sucks! life sucks at this moments!
Karma101 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I'm not sure if I agree that you can never be friends with an ex, though it may not be the norm. I had a fairly serious relationship with a man and a painful break up. After almost 5 months of strict NC on both of our parts, he reached out to me and we have become great friends. Then again, I also question how I ever dated him! Honey, you are not ready to be friends with this man. You are using friendship as a 'link' to him that may lead to reigniting your relationship. Friendship can work, but only when that's all that you are truly after.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 The friendship link thing is true. I wanted to be my ex's friend, but when we started hangin out as friends.........it SUCKED. She wouldn't say cute flirty things to me, we couldn't joke around the same way. I was jealous when she got a text froma guy...I was in the dark. I was a lame ex-boyfriend trying to keep that link. She was not romantically interested, she was not sexually available, she was done with that aspect of me. I can find someone else to eat popcorn at the movies with, or go out for a quick beer. Best friend my a**. My best friends don't put me through months of heartbreak and anxiety. They just make me laugh and feel good. I am so tired of hurting.
Author alwayssme Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 The friendship link thing is true. I wanted to be my ex's friend, but when we started hangin out as friends.........it SUCKED. She wouldn't say cute flirty things to me, we couldn't joke around the same way. I was jealous when she got a text froma guy...I was in the dark. I was a lame ex-boyfriend trying to keep that link. She was not romantically interested, she was not sexually available, she was done with that aspect of me. I can find someone else to eat popcorn at the movies with, or go out for a quick beer. Best friend my a**. My best friends don't put me through months of heartbreak and anxiety. They just make me laugh and feel good. I am so tired of hurting. it's crazy how things turn out in life. those who made you the happiest at one point turn out to hurt you more than anybody.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I think the big issue here is that you have a very specific idea of what you want out of your relationship and is not something that is entirely fair to your ex. You want him to flirt with you. Thats hard when you know that you used to flirt and it had romantic emotions tied to it. Its really really hard to flirt with an ex that is not over you. The other thing is, while you were dating, you got used to a certain type of friendship with him. That friendship is gone, he is not as devoted to you as he used to be. When you become friends with an ex you cannot expect them to treat you as they used to. You'll probably just be a friend on the fringe. Think about it this way. I'm sure you have female friends who don't call you for a week or so, but you still consider a good friend. They don't flirt with you, they don't start **** up with you, they just call you whenever and its fine. Thats how you'll be with him.
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