Melrapuo Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Even after 4 months, why does the break up still bother me? I saw her today without wanting to. She was with the new guy (guy#3 since break up). And all the old feelings came back. I felt like I wanted to disappear, sulk away. It was the feeling I had at the very beginning of the break up, where I felt like I wanted to just die. So why the re-occurrence? Why can't I just get over it? I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but yet it still bothers me this much? She ****ing cheated on me, and yet this still isn't out of my system? What gives?
northstar1 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Even after 4 months, why does the break up still bother me? I saw her today without wanting to. She was with the new guy (guy#3 since break up). And all the old feelings came back. I felt like I wanted to disappear, sulk away. It was the feeling I had at the very beginning of the break up, where I felt like I wanted to just die. So why the re-occurrence? Why can't I just get over it? I haven't talked to her in 2 months, but yet it still bothers me this much? She ****ing cheated on me, and yet this still isn't out of my system? What gives? 4 months is not a long time to have fully moved on mate, esp. if things did not end in a civil fashion. Also, seeing an ex (or any contact)usually brings back some of the fresh pain and thoughts again. Give yourself more time, you'll be over her in due time.
Geishawhelk Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Give yourself time., There are some here who are still "not over it" or 'bothered' after a year. Or more. Much more.....
sunshinegirl Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Don't underestimate the impact of her cheating. My ex cheated on me, and five months later, I still get stabs of pain when I think of his betrayal. I never saw it coming, thought him to be someone who would never do such a thing, and was thus thoroughly devastated. Sigh...give it time.
EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I could have wrote this post, basically in teh same shoe as you, being cheated on is the worst thing ee, why can't I hate her? why do I still care and worry about her, its been almost 2 months, I heard she is daitng someone new today and I feel like crap, why do I, I don't know.
kizik Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 She was with GUY #3 since the break-up?? Wow, you should be VERY glad it ended, she's clearly needy with low self-esteem. Don't let someone that f*cked up bother you, it's a joke, she's a plain idiot.
EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Just wondering how do you know she is with guy number 3? I'm trying not to here anything about my ex. etc.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 About once a week I get nostalgic and a bit sad. I could be laying in bed with a totally different girl and I still miss her presence. It is a wierd mental place to be in. I feel wide open sometimes. She caused me so much hurt towards the end. All the lying and manipulation and verbal attacks on "who i was"......burned me. NC has helped me in some respects. BUT, I will be honest....I still want to talk to her and make her laugh again. I don't know if she misses me, I am not sure. I know I have to remain strong and be a MAN about this situation. I still love her, but I refuse to contact her with any type of affectionate message. SQUARE ONE is the worst place.........I don't want get rejected again. I don't want to get re-dumped.
Author Melrapuo Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 She first left me for another guy (after claiming she just wanted a break to see what her feelings for this guy really was). I stayed in contact for ~2 months. After a month or so, she left the rebound guy, but told me she wanted to date someone else. I really started trying NC this time (2 weeks at a time. Gimme a break, first real relationship and first real break up ). Anyway, she pressured me on meeting to try and "salvage" whatever we could (didn't know if that meant as friends or more) after 4 weeks since guy#1 was gone. Went home, got a call from a friend the next day who informed me that she was hooking up with another guy he worked with. She did so with him the day before we met, the night we did meet, and the night after. At this point, I completely cut off contact. (I consider this one guy#2. They never dated, cuz my friend, who has a big mouth, told him about the situation between my ex and I, and he got smart and dropped it. He even told his friend to tell me that she wasn't worth it.) So after 2 weeks, she gets angry at me for not contacting her. I get so angry I tell her off, that we can't be friends, that its over, and to leave me alone. I decided though that maybe we should at least end it civilized, because I know my own conscious will not be happy with how things ended. I ask her if I can call her, she says she'll call later in the night. Never does. Texts me at 2am in the morning to say sorry that she didn't call, cuz everyone at her party hadn't left til late, and that I could call the next day. Again, felt disrespected. Two days later, I send her a goodbye letter, pretty much reiterating what I told her before, but at least in a more descriptive and more civilized way. Sometime during my 2 mos. NC, my best friend decides to blurt out that she's dating another guy (guy#3). Didn't wanna know, but guess I just find out this way (I already told my friends to stop giving me info from her, as I don't want to know anything about her anymore.) Best part is, the guy shares my real first name. AND he's one of the friends of guy#1. How awesome is that? There. Just summarized my past 4 months. There could be more guys, but who knows. I sure don't want to know anymore. It sucks that my town is fairly small, and if I go into town I have to go past her place no matter what. Kizik, I completely agree with you. I think she is extremely insecure. But I think I'm stuck still having these feelings because she was my first, and I obviously didn't see any of this coming. If I could, I would erase this all from my memory.
Peter_pan Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 wow no disrespect to your ex but what a sllaaaggggg lol, you are so much better off without her man. stay strong
Author Melrapuo Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 wow no disrespect to your ex but what a sllaaaggggg lol, you are so much better off without her man. stay strong I know I am. The problem is that my head is still fighting my heart. I guess I just miss the relationship. Plus, I think I'm jealous of her cuz she's had guys all over her and I'm still single. Then again, I guess the fact that I've avoided the girls that have hit on me because they either had the same habits as my ex, or I felt it wouldn't be fair to them if I was still an emotional wreck. I know I did things to push my ex away, but I know I didn't deserve to be treated as I was. I think I should've earned at least that much respect for the 21 months that we were together.
JooLee Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I know I am. The problem is that my head is still fighting my heart. I guess I just miss the relationship. Plus, I think I'm jealous of her cuz she's had guys all over her and I'm still single. Then again, I guess the fact that I've avoided the girls that have hit on me because they either had the same habits as my ex, or I felt it wouldn't be fair to them if I was still an emotional wreck. I know I did things to push my ex away, but I know I didn't deserve to be treated as I was. I think I should've earned at least that much respect for the 21 months that we were together. yes totally, you dont deserve to be treated that way at all.. no one does. and just because she's on and about needing a guy to validate her doesnt mean you should be doing the same, so i've got my hands up for you. you're doing well! let your ex do what she wants. the more we obsessed the less we are moving on. you know your own value and self respect.
Peter_pan Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I know I am. The problem is that my head is still fighting my heart. I guess I just miss the relationship. Plus, I think I'm jealous of her cuz she's had guys all over her and I'm still single. Then again, I guess the fact that I've avoided the girls that have hit on me because they either had the same habits as my ex, or I felt it wouldn't be fair to them if I was still an emotional wreck. I know I did things to push my ex away, but I know I didn't deserve to be treated as I was. I think I should've earned at least that much respect for the 21 months that we were together. i feel you man, heart takes longer much longer to catch up, its like it all makes logical sense but you do anything to battle that, in the end you know whats what the sooner you follow your head the better. you cant drink from an empty glass a mate of mine once said. another thing, it may just be me, but how much easier is it for a girl to flirt around and get a guy than it is a guy to get a girl? unless he is simply a playa. personal opinion. your find someone better, how old are you? live your life man, be your own person and follow your own path
Author Melrapuo Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 What pisses me off the most is that, despite it sounding like I'm in a better position than she is, or I'm better off, I still don't feel that way. I mean, I still feel lost. I'm attempting to figure out what to do with myself and make new friends, but its those moments when I'm alone that I begin to feel depressed. Working out and lifting are great at alleviating those feelings (as well as new hobbies), but this whole process seems extremely slow. I'm looking for validation - something that tells me I'm on the right track, and that things DO actually get better. And that I actually WILL meet someone who was better than my ex. I hate that all of this is so complicated. As ****ed up as she may or may not sound, she's the one getting more action than I am. Which makes me feel like its a lot easier for women than men to move on, IMO.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 As ****ed up as she may or may not sound, she's the one getting more action than I am. Which makes me feel like its a lot easier for women than men to move on, IMO. I think it goes both ways. I'm not over my ex. I'm DONE, but I'm still not over him. Still figuring out my place. Meanwhile, he is seeing the woman he left me for, totally moved on. So... he moved on fast, and me, 7 weeks later, I'm still eahdfjghsdfl;gh. Though not as bad. The one godsend I guess is that Nov.4th will be 2 months of broken up. It is also the start of ultimate frisbee indoor league! YESSS. That is pretty much the excitement of my life. And going to toronto in november. And all my good friends.
roghornio Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 4 months is not a long time. After 21 months relationship i'd buckle in for the ride... It will take time but you will get through it.
foxh1234 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Hi OP, I have been exactly where you are man and I know it kills and hurts like hell. As someone said earlier, 4 months is not very long and it will get better with more time. It has been 7 months or so for me and I still miss the ex that I fell in love with. This is a different person that no longer exists though. That person died when she jumped into bed with another. The new ex is not the person I know and not the person I want in my life. She cheated on you, enough said. Continue strict NC, avoid seeing her at all costs, tell all friends and family to not speak of her. My close circle of friends shielded me from any and all info early on and it helped alot. Next, put away anything and everything that reminds you of her and stay off facebook and the like. Now that you have done all of the above, just let time do its thing. It will work slowly but surely. As the days turn into weeks and months, the pain will fade and you will find yourself again. Good luck man, I'm pulling for you.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I know exactly what you all are talking about. I too, have been cheated on and i ask myself, even after leaving him, why do i still care for someone that hurt me so bad? The only thing i have come up with is when your cheated on your self esteem takes a HUGE blow. You wonder what this other person have that you didnt have that your ex couldnt be happy with. I mean for the most part we were happy with our significant other? werent we? We didnt need or want to be with anyone else? The funny thing is that i know i have a lot to offer, i am smart, attractive, and fun to be with...but still....it wasnt enough for HIM to WANT to be with me as i wanted to be with him. I can know and other people can know that im not a loser but I FEEL like a loser. My self esteem, my pride, my feelings, took a hard beating from this horrible betrayal. I really loved this person and they didnt love me back the way it should be.You know what? Ya im mad as hell, im hurt, and everything else. I wish that they could feel the way that i feel but i have to accept that it wont always happen. And seeing someone that you invested so much time and feelings into and to see it all being thrown away like nothing still hurts. Its the good times, moments that are so hard to forget and let go of. I do miss the good times and maybe thats what im holding onto, not just the bad. I guess only time and change will help us to move on like they so easily did or maybe appear to be. Take it as a learning experience and in the end...their loss. One day i will be happy too again..and so will you all.
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