jasperlynx Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I have to tell you this rough. Im going to be to the point and hopefully i can get some insight on what I should do. Everyone here seems to be at great help to others, and thank you for listening. Married 14 yrs and my wife has said to me after our last blow-out. I finnally had it and I dont want this to continue anymore. I done, caput, finished, the whole nine yards. No infidelity, just harsh words and loud arguing. Ive basically been a heel lately because they is no physical instrest in me and Ive turned into this angry person for months. She says the intimacy is gone. Weve had issues. We have 2 small girls 8 and 5 yrs old. Since the blow out my wife stated ....."Just keep it civil for the kids when your home". JUST ACT....mind you nobody else knows in her family or her friends what has happenned. Ive been super cool about the whole thing while I sleep on the sofa. The I miss yous and I love yous please come back lasted one phone call. Then my wife said Im done and hung up. Since then 3 weeks, Ive been acting like nothing is going wrong. Very upbeat and have given her space. My question is ? When do I drop the bomb......What is going on with us? Are we splitting up or what? Mind you she does not work. Stay at home mom. Should I ask..or just be cool and die in limbo. Im scared to ask her. the thought of losing her and my kids is unbearable. I love her so much.
Geishawhelk Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Today. Now, this minute. You ask... "Are we going to carry on as if nothing is happening, or is something happening? Do I move out? .....Because you know, don't you, that if I do, I won't be back...?"
IdahoLabradors Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 you have to ask! you have to start communicating and talking. Otherwise you have no hope of ever reconciling and developing a decent relationship. Talking is key. Ask questions even questions you are afraid to hear. Don't live your life afraid. I know that is easy for me to say as I was in your shoes, afraid to ask and afraid of the answer. You have to talk to communicate, and communicate to have a decent relationship. Just my thoughts.
TrustInYourself Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I'd be concerned about your emotional readiness. Can you handle a confrontation with her? An instance where she knows how to pull your emotional levers and vice versa. It's important to understand that communication is not something we just know how to do. It's something that takes time and effort. You need to come up with some goals on meeting her halfway in the relationship. That may require putting your needs aside, short term. Understanding your wife's expectations, should she allow you a chance to continue your marriage, should be paramount.
LakesideDream Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I'd be concerned about your emotional readiness. Can you handle a confrontation with her? An instance where she knows how to pull your emotional levers and vice versa. It's important to understand that communication is not something we just know how to do. It's something that takes time and effort. You need to come up with some goals on meeting her halfway in the relationship. That may require putting your needs aside, short term. Understanding your wife's expectations, should she allow you a chance to continue your marriage, should be paramount. Sounds to me like the W has laid down the law. She wants him to keep his distance, and support the family until their kids are grown. That's a situation that has a zero chance of success. What she is proposing is a situation that is nothing more than being a good father and a wallet with legs (sans testicles). Find a place to live, and see a lawyer. The time has come.
pelicanpreacher Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Are you absolutely, positively, "OJ Simpson" sure that there isn't another man in the picture?
whyme393 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 tired of hearing of these woman giving up so easy. they want time apart, we reflect as men realize our mistakes and they don't want to take us back anymore. it's like they are two different people. try, try, try your hardest to get it work. do some self improvement, read some articles on marriagebuilders try to share that with your wife, and possibly talk about getting councilling because obviously the two of you are not seeing eye to eye (conflict resolution) and there's some misgivings (lost lost). you don't want to lose what you've got. this time apart stuff i don't know it seems to do more harm than good in my opinion for the woman --> she just drift further away. personally your woman had moved apart already from you in her mind or else she wouldn't be fine saying those cruel things. and you the man is just holding the end of the rope wondering what the hell happened. been there. try to get back from the shell shock and get your life and woman back. because if you don't try, you'll be wondering for the rest of your life what if I only made the effort. good luck
Author jasperlynx Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 well we had the talk. She says she's done and "moving on". Im devastated. Hurts so bad. I mentiond self help and counseling and some period of time to see if things would change...and see said she has given me enought time "years" to change. All I wanted was a few months to prove my change and see if it would work...she said no. she states she has no guilt, shame, and is happy where she is at. Without me. We live in a house with the children and I am the sole provider finacially, and I am so confused what to do now. I will contact a lawyer today to find out my rights. How do I face her now in our home. She has hurt me so bad....I know I have to be civil for my kids..of course they have no idea...but how do live like this in the mean time. I know if I show my true feeling of anger by not even looking at her at home and ignoring her..she will be angry for me not stepping up and being nice for my kids. Very tough situation. I wish I could leave but I cant ...have no where to go and who will support my family? so confused and tormented.
TrustInYourself Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 well we had the talk. She says she's done and "moving on". Im devastated. Hurts so bad. I mentiond self help and counseling and some period of time to see if things would change...and see said she has given me enought time "years" to change. All I wanted was a few months to prove my change and see if it would work...she said no. she states she has no guilt, shame, and is happy where she is at. Without me. We live in a house with the children and I am the sole provider finacially, and I am so confused what to do now. I will contact a lawyer today to find out my rights. How do I face her now in our home. She has hurt me so bad....I know I have to be civil for my kids..of course they have no idea...but how do live like this in the mean time. I know if I show my true feeling of anger by not even looking at her at home and ignoring her..she will be angry for me not stepping up and being nice for my kids. Very tough situation. I wish I could leave but I cant ...have no where to go and who will support my family? so confused and tormented. Brush yourself off. Deal with it as best as you can. Take time for yourself. Talk with family, friends and loved ones. It takes time to realize that your wife is not the key to your happiness. You are the key to your happiness.
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