Author e5husmc Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 So this morning my wife told me that she had sent her "friend" a NC email and then closed her "secret" email. She apologized for having lied to me and said it was a stupid thing to do; she knows she lost my trust and it will take time to start earning it back. I did a little checking and did find out that she did close the email account. We didn't talk to each other all morning but after my son's soccer game we took the kids to a local pumpkin patch and just sat next to each other and watched them play. It was nice just being on simple family outing. I know I may be a little too fast to forgive but it seems like she realized after a blow-up last night and I didn't come to talk to her later, that this is a serious problem between us. I may forgive but not forget. I will be keeping my eyes wide open for quite some time. Thanks for all the advice!
signedin2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Ofcourse she is going to close THAT email account because you already known about it? Let me ask you two questions: 1) Did you see the content of that NC letter/email? 2) Would you able to find out if she opens another yahoo or hotmail email account behind your back? Don't doubt for a second that if she tries to communicate with him or cheat with him, it will be VERY calculated and carefully done behind your back.
jmargel Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I think you two need marriage counseling to find the root problem to all of this. I can guarantee unless you deal with what is CAUSING this, then it will come back. This OM has nothing to lose and he will find ways to contact her and pull her heartstrings. You trying to be demanding, whining or controlling will only lead her to him faster. You need to LIVE in confidence. You need to let her know that she is free to contact him and be with him, but she should never look back at you then. I also believe you should talk to her about counseling so that you two can learn to communicate better.
misternoname Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Be very cautious. My ex promised NC but I later discovered she had been secretly purchasing pre-paid cell phones. She would smuggly show me her real phone saying "see no calls or texts from him." Alternate emails are even easier to set up and hide. Don't get run over my friend...I still have tire tracks on my back!
Owl Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Get a keylogger on her computer so that you can see if she starts a NEW email account. And I agree with the 'affair phone' possibility as well. Occasionally check to see what she's got in her purse and/or vehicle. This isn't paranoid behavior, btw. Your wife violated your trust. At this point...NOT finding stuff when you search like this is the only way that she can PROVE her trustworthiness again. And no, I'm not suggesting that you tell her about any of these steps, as that would negate their value. "Trust...but verify"
Dexter Morgan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 So this morning my wife told me that she had sent her "friend" a NC email and then closed her "secret" email. She apologized for having lied to me and said it was a stupid thing to do; she knows she lost my trust and it will take time to start earning it back. I did a little checking and did find out that she did close the email account. Not to sound like a downer, but that proves nothing. She could have created another one and told the guy to use it from now on. Not saying she isn't telling the truth, just don't be a fool and still be cautious. I'd still do the keylogger thing.
theobserver Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 No everyone. It's time to stop being nice. Sometimes you need someone from the outside to tell you how it is. You're too lost in hoping things are working out I mean she's me woman, the mother of my child bla bla. Listen it doesn't mean anything sorry she'd sell you both down the river if her feelings for this man are strong enough. I'm telling you how this is that email she sent to the OM was probably along the lines of " I can't use this email anymore hubbys over my back more, communication will be cut down, here's my new email contact me here. Love you " Communication will continue, he may even start emailing under a females name or call your very home get used to " it's just x female friend" when the phone rings. YAWN so predicable. Also as someone said you are being thrown off with sex. You might start getting more BJs, she might let you do things she never let you before. It's all just buttering you up. You know what though as I type this I HOPE I am wrong but it's unlikely. You have to be firm, keep your damn eyes open but don't treat her like a prisoner you need to be watching but making her feel you've fully forgiven her. Only then can you really know if she's legit. I'm going to throw this out there thoguh, some people I'm not going to say all have moments where they get weak, if she is indeed keeping in communication with him I would say before you take the divorce route (if nessasary) invite him over to your home for dinner with your child present at the table do a lot of family things together with him as the honored guest. The way your wife acts and the way he acts should give away alot especially the response. This of course depends on if you would want someone else in your home. Fact is though as a man we know how must other men think and we know what he's up to.
avenger Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 so things have been o.k. for the last couple of days. Tonight we sat together on the couch and watched a movie for the first time in years. After we got the kids to bed, she invited into the bedroom where she had candles lit and a bottle of wine. Things were going great until afterwards she explained to me that would still like to email her "friend" but still wouldn't have dinner with him next month. I told her that this still bothered me and then she started with some crap about me going out with friends from work 15 years ago and how she didn't know about it. First, that a load of BS she was invited to go with us most of the time anyways; Second, I always told her I was going out for drinks so she wouldn't wonder where I was after work and most of the time there was at least 3 or 4 of us anyways. I am so d*&n confused; why would this come up right after we had intiment and why is she trying to justify what she did? She is giving you the sex just to buy some more time with the other guy..... I would have been tossed her the divorce papers with the quickness and had the kids live with me and make her pay some support to them. Dont fall for her "game" She thinks you will be like every other guy out there once you get some sex you lose your mind and go goo goo ga ga and forget what was going on....
In Like Flynn Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Put in a keylogger and you can track all use. Its easy and cheap!!!
SRV Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Sorry to sound cold, but once a cheat, always a cheat. Imagine walking down the street always looking over your shoulders for fear of the unexpected happening, just the sheer feeling of it can driveyou insane. Keyloggers, passwords et al will not stop her from being unfaithful if she's determined to do it. It is upto you to determine how much longer you want to keep up with this kind of behavior. A year, two maybe three. I was in a similar predicament, trust me it does not get any easier or better. It drives you almost to the brink of insanity. Always guessing where she is, if she does not answer the phone second guessing whether she is wilfully ignoring it because she is with the OM. Forget it, life is too short to play this stupid game. Out there is a woman that will be faithful and love you for who you are instead of playing detective in a marriage instead of a caring, loving husband/father to your wife and child respectively. Just my two cents!
Dexter Morgan Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Sorry to sound cold, but once a cheat, always a cheat. I agree. Forget it, life is too short to play this stupid game. Out there is a woman that will be faithful and love you for who you are instead of playing detective in a marriage instead of a caring, loving husband/father to your wife and child respectively. Right on the money!!!! Why go through a life of having to keep tabs and never fully trusting someone who proved their untrustworthiness??
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