Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 hey guys I dont know why but recently thoughts of the ex have been coming up. today i went on my computer and looked at my photos and yes she is still on my pc. i didnt cry but it made me miss her even more. I seem to be holding onto hope that she will contact me. Its as if i just know she still loves me deep down. I just think we shared to much to just go into nc and never speak to each other again. It dosnt seem real, i dont know how ive had the strength to keep it up. its not that i see hope again I am so very on the brink of contacting her to once again try and change her mind about me. but then even if we did get back together then what? everything has changed she has been with the guy she replaced me with. its like I no its over but i wont accept it i cant get my head round the meeting she had with my best mate a while back. telling him she wasnt with him no more and whats my number cuss she lost it!! and asking how i was. my friend prompted her to contact me but all she said was maybe i will. and obviously she didnt. didnt even send a happy birthday txt. why is she this cold. its like she f"ing hates me. i hate so much she didnt give me or us for that matter a second chance. ive met a new girl and we have been seeing each other., but even she has said i am an amazing guy but our relationship isnt so thats pretty ****. i dont no wat to do anymore. maybe i shouldnt be in a relationship. ever.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 You NEED to stop looking at pictures of her. I am serious. Stop looking at anything you and her shared together or reminds you of her. You may not feel like you are breaking NC by doing this, but by my own definitions of NC, you are. You are letting yourself enter a dialogue with memories of her. Stop it. Its over. Here is what I do when I find myself thinking about happy times with my ex. I mentally slap myself. I tell myself "no" and just think of something else, or someone else, that makes me happy. Someday, when I am 100% over him, I'll be able to think of those memories and smile at the silly girl I was when I was 16-19. Right now though, that is not for me. Right now, I am still healing, and must not let myself fall back in love with memories of him. You're re-falling for her because you're letting yourself do that. This new girl you met said the relationship wasn't working - how can it when you are still feeling butterflies for your ex? You are meant to date, to find someone, to be happy, but you can only do that if you let go of your ex and move on. I know its hard to do. I think of my ex ALL THE TIME, but every time I do, I remind myself of how he does not deserve me. He left me for another woman, and has lost my trust. He was always a slimeball, most people who have got to know him over time have told me in confidence they think hes a jerk/loser, even when I was dating him they'd tell me this. Blah. I know its hard, but you need to stop posting/thinking/feeling "I want her back". You need to get over her, for your own happiness.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 yeh i know thats totally true, i hate myself for it, i really do. I just feel like i wasnt the guy i should and could have been at the time. i remember one time she said i wasnt the guy she first met. i shut myself away from the world and didn't show her affection i became mentally ill and that was horrible. when i finally became better it was to late she had moved on. i will always regret this. i just know it. it wont be ok because no one else is her. she is the only one. i lived with her and so that made all this alot worse i feel. i dont know any of my friends who where with a girl for as long as i was that lived with them and broke up at least you knew your ex was a loser or a slimeball. everyone loved my ex. she got on with everyone. meh
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 yeh i know thats totally true, i hate myself for it, i really do. I just feel like i wasnt the guy i should and could have been at the time. i remember one time she said i wasnt the guy she first met. i shut myself away from the world and didn't show her affection i became mentally ill and that was horrible. when i finally became better it was to late she had moved on. i will always regret this. i just know it. it wont be ok because no one else is her. she is the only one. i lived with her and so that made all this alot worse i feel. i dont know any of my friends who where with a girl for as long as i was that lived with them and broke up at least you knew your ex was a loser or a slimeball. everyone loved my ex. she got on with everyone. meh Yeah, its really hard for me to just, tell people to pick up and move on, because our experiences are all different. That being said, we all do have to move on at some point. We all mess up somehow in a relationship. If we did everything perfect for our partners, then of course they would not leave us. Sadly, sometimes we just cant be perfect when we need to be. When you changed on her, I am sure it was not intentional, it just happened. I think the best thing to do now is... you know what you did wrong. Now you can grow from that realization and find someone new. She may be incredible, and may be exactly what you want, but unless you really give another girl a full shot, you'll never know 100% if thats true.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 yeh that is true, since she was the only serious girl ive ever been with and with for that long. if things dont work out as good i guess i may need to get in contact with her and try and pull a miracle. i dont know anymore is that weird to only have slept with one girl before, im 21!? i think that is why i am very attached to. i dunno ?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 yeh that is true, since she was the only serious girl ive ever been with and with for that long. if things dont work out as good i guess i may need to get in contact with her and try and pull a miracle. i dont know anymore is that weird to only have slept with one girl before, im 21!? i think that is why i am very attached to. i dunno ? It could be - if shes the only person you've slept with, then yeah, you need to experience sharing that kind of bond with someone else before you can really say shes the one (in my opinion). Butttt don't feel pressured to have sex. I know plenty of guys who are still virgins at 21, and plenty who have only slept with 1 or 2 people. Then again, I know guys at 21 who have slept with 9+ girls. ick
Author Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 yeh i do feel that is a big role, my friend who was with this girl for a few months lost his V with this girl and he is really caught up on her more than any of his other gf/s i dont feel pressured to have sex with my new gf, i want to and im sure over time it will happen
JooLee Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 hmm, well first of all i dont think its fair for you and your new gf when you're mind and heart is not with her. i know they say fake it till you make it, but since you're greatly missing your ex while you have someone new just shows that you are not ready to date. definitely the companionship helps but really it will only bite you in the ass. All the sweet thing she does will just remind you of your ex and you will fall into the emotional state all over again and wishing your current gf is your ex. and that wont help you move on. i guess i just dont understand the whole jumping to the next best thing you can find. you have the rest of your life to take your time to meet and to fall in love with the right one. but if its your way of coping its a decision, make your decision if you want to still be in this misery or to be happy. and you dont need anyone to make you happy. you should be able to do it on yourself. and then you can be happy sharing your life with someone else. good luck to you! and yes put those pix away! it doesnt do any good. and the first time is always special. but keep believing, we will fall in love again.. and the next time it will be greater!
JooLee Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 and about contacting her... well are you ready with the outcome of it? perharps you wont get the answer you hope for or perharps you wont get a reply at all. and that will only leave you feeling worse. the thing is, she has your number. so if she wants to contact you, she will. be strong !
Rafa Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Hi Peter_pan. My friend, despite what we say, it seems it will take time to start feeling better, but you have to accept that it is over with her first. What I can tell you is that you are still very young. There will be plenty of other chances in the future for you to have longer and better relationships. There is nothing weird about having had only one sexual partner at 21, don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Nearly everybody in the world has to go through this, it's just your turn right now that's all. There are millions of amazing girls out there. One day you'll look back on this and it won't hurt a bit, I promise. But in the mean-time, choose your attitude. Do your best to be positive. I know it's hard - believe me, I'm 38 and am going through a horrible time with a break-up right now too. Keep your chin up Peter_pan, things will get better... in time.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 @joolee thanks for your input , i have decided against contacting her i have tried to reach out in the past and got blanked so the ball is in her court so to speak if there is such a thing as "turns" to contact. i met this new girl and was blown away with her but things are a bit messy to say the least, problems with her ex etc, i guess it just brought up lots of memories for me. and she is only young and so very hard to read at times we had an argument because when we went out she was holding her ex's hand and i saw him kiss her forehead at one point, but we sorted it all out. she explained what was going on. so when we fell out i just felt hopeless and thought of my ex. i want us to work but need to see how things go i guess. i think you only know your in love after its over. thats my theory anyway. @rafa thanks bud, i have improved myself ALOT since not being with her, i am a different better person to some extent! I hope there is somebody for everyone. i just have regrets with my ex thats what lingers in my mind. at least i know i did try contacting her but she chose to ignore it. maybe cause i went NC with her and she didnt like it. at the time i did say to her im to hurt to be in contact with you i am sorry. unless ive completely moved on then i think its best, nothing wrong with that is there? thanks for support guys, it means alot to me. im sorry your going through it to bud . its just awful
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