freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I don't mind my bf looking at porn in general. Hell, I will even watch it with him. My "issue" is that the porn he generates towards is usually the body type and face/hair of his ex-gf. (petite,small breast, long straight hair..the polar opposite of me) Should I be concerned? He says he just "ends up looking at that type" and he likes girls with breasts etc..but I do know that he prefers the "athletic" build. (me-volumptuious) I guess if there was different ranges on the preference (i.e. hair, height etc..) I wouldn't be so concerned, but the similarity is making me feel a bit "off" Thoughts?
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Huh? I think you might be overreacting just a bit. Pornography is geared towards people's hidden fantasies and is watched mainly because it satisfies whatever desires people have. So if a guy likes watching lesbians, does that necessarily make him want to be a girl?
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 My partner thinks Angelina Jolie is soooo hot. I'm at least a foot shorter, with short hair, not a big bust and about 12lbs overweight, but that's hormones for you! She's also about 12 years younger than me. Do I give a....? Nope. It's in his head. I'm in his heart.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 I was thinking porn was more for "variety". He is only interested in cookie cutter images of his ex....that is not much "variety" in a sense.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Right....Angelina Jolie would be a fantasy. I understand that...but he never dated Angelina Jolie and never could...
prettybaby Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I see how it would make you feel upset. However, if everything else in your relationship is fine, I really wouldn't worry about it. It's only porn after all. The only reason I'd be concerned is if there were red flags in several different situations; which apparently isn't the case. So no worries.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I was thinking porn was more for "variety". He is only interested in cookie cutter images of his ex....that is not much "variety" in a sense. You need to stop comparing yourself with his exes. The problem isn't exactly the pornography he is watching but your insistence that you're thinking he's comparing you to his exes. The problem has never really arose until you brought it up?
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Right....Angelina Jolie would be a fantasy. I understand that...but he never dated Angelina Jolie and never could... He met her once..... he picked up something she had dropped in Harrods. he now says it's a shame it wasn't her knickers.....!
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 He met her once..... he picked up something she had dropped in Harrods. he now says it's a shame it wasn't her knickers.....! Geisha you must've been so mad you threw all his clothes out the window
konfuzd Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I think you're trying to find ways to blame him for your own insecurities. What is the situation with his ex? Why are you so threatened by her? Porn is about fantasies. This guy chose to be with you, and accept you for the whole package, imperfections and all. The porn only serves one purpose to him, and I can guarantee you that it's not to attempt to get the ex back in his life. He gets off in the moment to this fake broad, then spends his quality time with you. I think that's the part you need to focus on.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 He did say once that I "wasn't fat" but..could use some toning. And his ex is a runner with like zero body fat and tiny breasts. Me, like I said, "volumptious". If he were looking at a mixed bag of pics with thin woman, athletic woman AND average or volumptious woman than I would be okay, but....ALL of the pics are ultra skinny, I mean like super and size A cups etc...
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 We had broken up...after 3 yrs...were apart for 2, but still friends. When she broke up with him he came to me for advice and told me every little detail about their relationship and I saw how HURT he was over her and they only dated for 7 months...(we stayed friends for a year after that...then he came to me to ask for a second chance) It's most difficult because I saw how devastated he was.....over her.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 He did say once that I "wasn't fat" but..could use some toning. And his ex is a runner with like zero body fat and tiny breasts. Me, like I said, "volumptious". If he were looking at a mixed bag of pics with thin woman, athletic woman AND average or volumptious woman than I would be okay, but....ALL of the pics are ultra skinny, I mean like super and size A cups etc... You might as well just break up with him then. Find someone who like voluptious and bigger cup sizes... I'm just saying stop comparing yourself with his exes, let alone all the skinny girls in the pictures. Most women would kill to have b cups and bigger, so you should love your breasts instead of wishing they're smaller.
prettybaby Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 He did say once that I "wasn't fat" but..could use some toning. And his ex is a runner with like zero body fat and tiny breasts. Me, like I said, "volumptious". If he were looking at a mixed bag of pics with thin woman, athletic woman AND average or volumptious woman than I would be okay, but....ALL of the pics are ultra skinny, I mean like super and size A cups etc... The real question is: how is your sex life together? Does it suck? Does the porn he watches have a negative influence on how he makes love to you? If not, then, why does it matter so much?
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 We had broken up...after 3 yrs...were apart for 2, but still friends. When she broke up with him he came to me for advice and told me every little detail about their relationship and I saw how HURT he was over her and they only dated for 7 months...(we stayed friends for a year after that...then he came to me to ask for a second chance) It's most difficult because I saw how devastated he was.....over her. Okay that's a completely different story. So he broke up with you for her?
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 No. We broke up due to where we both were in our lives at the time. (kind of a wrong place/wrong time scenario) We stayed "friendly" I did my thing, spent some time figuring life out etc...but he would come to me from time to time to talk about life stuff. He came to me when they broke up to have a friend help him thru it. I realized I had feelings for him still and it was hard to hear all of his pain and how broken hearted he was over her...I saw what a mess he was so didn't say anything...went back to living my life...a year went by with minimal contact between us, we saw one another at a birthday party for a friend and he called the next day saying he "couldn't stop thinking of me etc.." I felt like enough time had passed after she broke up with him and for him to move on...and we got back together (a year after the fact..)
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 The real question is: how is your sex life together? Does it suck? Does the porn he watches have a negative influence on how he makes love to you? If not, then, why does it matter so much? The sex is good, but sometimes I feel insecure about my body as I know it is not his 'preference" of body type. I know he loves me but think that he "wishes" I had more of the body type he desires (and looks at via porn)
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 The sex is good, but sometimes I feel insecure about my body as I know it is not his 'preference" of body type. I know he loves me but think that he "wishes" I had more of the body type he desires (and looks at via porn) If you're uncomfortable with your body, then you could always join a gym. But know that it's because he wants it, but because you want to shape your body for both yourself and a healthy lifestyle.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Yeah, I was thinking it was "my issue"....I think you are right. If I'm feeling better about my body I won't stress as much. I put on a few pounds when I quit smoking...and since then..blah. I just need to let it go, eh?
konfuzd Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Absolutely, let the porn thing go, but you should deal with your insecurities. Is there a sport or activity your bf is interested in that maybe you could join him at? Jogging, co-ed volleyball, tennis or even going for evening walks could have a double effect; 1- it will make you feel better about yourself 2- it will bring you two closer together. Another thing you could look into is if your local gym offers strip aerobics. You can learn some techniques that you could bring home, and regardless of the few extra pounds you may be carrying, he will see you as the sexiest woman alive. Trust me I'm a curvy girl who's dating an athlete. I know about body issues. Having confidence in your less-than-perfect body can be as big a turn on to a man than a stunning figure with nothing else to offer.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 We play co-ed volleyball together...so good call! I also golf, bike etc...but need a gym to kick it up a notch. I've been thinking about it and it's time to stop thinking and just do it! Thanks all for listening and being non-judgemental as usual.
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