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Caliguy: In a pickle here...

CaliGuy

By CaliGuy
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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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How much do you want this girl, CG? A lot? Seriously?

 

Then 6 months is a lot closer to the right time to start dating than 6 days or 6 weeks.

 

It might be 6 months. Who knows?! We haven't set a date or anything. We both said "Hey, when/if the time is right, we'll go down that road."

 

Yes, she may have been thinking about breaking it off with her fiancee for a long time. She may have thought and talked to her friends and agonized and came to the realization that she couldn't marry him. And then she had to come to the realization that she had to do something about it...like tell him. So she gave him the ring back. Doesn't mean it's over, doesn't mean her heart is light, doesn't mean she's in a place in either her heart or her head to be very fair to you. In fact, she'll likely turn to you to feel good. Your attention makes her feel good, so she'll want to be around you. And she'll invite you to stuff, and you'll go and anything can happen after that cuz it's fun and it feels good and both of you will be swept away with how fun and nice it is.

 

Thing is, 6 months from now, she'll realize she ended her engagement with a man she loved and planned to spend the rest of her life with, have babies with, buy minivans with, everything. And even though that was exactly the right thing for her to do, she's not that person anymore and she doesn't feel as desperate as anxious as she was feeling when she ended her engagement. And you'll be her transition guy and it will be time for you to go away because you were always the guy who made her feel good about herself, and now she has to face figuring out who she actually is and what she wants NOW, now that she feels good.

 

Let her do all that healing without you. Then go and get her.

 

That's the plan. Really. We haven't put a "minimum" time limit. There are no expectations from either side. Of that I can assure you.

 

And based on what she's told me I'm not concerned with her wanting to get back with her fiance. Those are things I can't control. The only thing I have control over is myself. I know the right thing to do and that's what I am going to do.

 

I mean, seriously. You guys act like I am ready to ask her to marry me. Yes, I've had interest for a long time. There's no harm in that. The harm would be trying to push when she isn't ready. I've already learned my lesson about pressing for relationships. (I'm wired that way, I don't like to "wonder" about things. I like answers).

 

Again, I don't see that what I am doing now is any different that what you all are saying, aside from the fact I haven't put a minimum amount of time on things. It could be 3 months it could be a year.

 

Who knows?!

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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exasterbate

 

Yes, I realize I misspelled that word :)

 

Exacerbate

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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I'm not justifying the behavior, nor is she.

 

No, but you sure are rationalizing the hell out of it. ;)

 

Didn't she ask you to go to a party this weekend? That doesn't sound like she was thinking about cooling things out. Sounds like she is setting you up to be rebound guy. Me thinks if it's not you, then it will be some other guy on her arm this weekend. Some people just can NOT be alone, and tend to overlap relationships. She sounds like one of them.

 

Just remember, Cali. The way they come to you, is the way they will go out on you. If you ever do date her, don't be surprised when you find out she's been hanging out with, kissing, and disparaging you to another guy before she ends things with you. A leopard doesn't change his spots... :(

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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No, but you sure are rationalizing the hell out of it. ;)

 

I don't see it that way. I'm trying to lay down the facts as best I can.

 

Didn't she ask you to go to a party this weekend? That doesn't sound like she was thinking about cooling things out.

 

Before we chatted about the kiss, yes. After that, she understands if I don't want to hang out right now.

 

Sounds like she is setting you up to be rebound guy.

 

Nope. Already told her I wasn't going to be "that" guy. ;)

 

Me thinks if it's not you, then it will be some other guy on her arm this weekend. Some people just can NOT be alone, and tend to overlap relationships. She sounds like one of them.

 

That I have no control over, but if I find out that is the case, it won't be th end of the world.

 

Just remember, Cali. The way they come to you, is the way they will go out on you. If you ever do date her, don't be surprised when you find out she's been hanging out with, kissing, and disparaging you to another guy before she ends things with you. A leopard doesn't change his spots... :(

 

While I don't agree, I at least know the signs and can cut that off at the pass in heartbeat by removing her from my life. That is one thing I am really good at. Cutting people out of my life if I don't want them in it :)

 

Again, I'm not banking on anything. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, no big deal. Life goes on. I've already been to the pit of hell -- and lived. There is nothing relationship-wise that can happen to me right now that I can't handle.

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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I've already been to the pit of hell -- and lived. There is nothing relationship-wise that can happen to me right now that I can't handle.

 

Then rock on, my brother! :)

 

(But still keep your other options open...) :)

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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Then rock on, my brother! :)

 

(But still keep your other options open...) :)

 

Let it be known, I never said I wasn't doing just that ;)

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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Let it be known, I never said I wasn't doing just that ;)

 

As Ramses said, "So let it be said, so let it be written, so let it be done."

 

(Or something close to it, they only show The Ten Commandments once a year - lol).

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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As Ramses said, "So let it be said, so let it be written, so let it be done."

 

(Or something close to it, they only show The Ten Commandments once a year - lol).

 

That's also known as "Amen."

 

Also, there's Metallica's version:

 

"So let it be written, so let it be done, I'm sent here by the Chosen One.

So let it be written, so let it be done, to kill the first born Pharoah's son....

I'm Creeping Death...."

 

It will be done, trust me :)

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

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But honestly have you put your heart into other girls in the last year ?

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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But honestly have you put your heart into other girls in the last year ?

 

I've been going out on dates and having fun if that is what you mean.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

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I've been going out on dates and having fun if that is what you mean.

 

What I mean is : Where was your mind and your heart on these dates ? If you were not thinking of the girl mentioned and ( did not ) have feelings ( for her ) do you think you could have met someone else and had a good relationship by now ?

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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What I mean is : Where was your mind and your heart on these dates ? If you were not thinking of the girl mentioned and ( did not ) have feelings ( for her ) do you think you could have met someone else and had a good relationship by now ?

 

No, I wasn't thinking of her at all when I was out dating. In fact, I thought of her most often when I saw her. Out of sight, out of mind I suppose. Admittedly since the kiss I think of her more often but not obsessively.

 

I'm at the point where if it happens, it happens. If not, no big deal. Someone else can come along at any point so I'm not going to resign myself to any relationship at the moment unless it feels right. Ya know?

Freedom Now Established Member

Freedom Now

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Guard your heart.

 

No judgment from me, but just be careful and keep enjoying life....

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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CG-

 

have you told her yet that you aren't going to the halloween gathering this weekend? if so, how did she respond?

SnowWhite924 Established Member

SnowWhite924

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No, I wasn't thinking of her at all when I was out dating. In fact, I thought of her most often when I saw her. Out of sight, out of mind I suppose. Admittedly since the kiss I think of her more often but not obsessively.

 

I'm at the point where if it happens, it happens. If not, no big deal. Someone else can come along at any point so I'm not going to resign myself to any relationship at the moment unless it feels right. Ya know?

 

Caliguy, you're a smart guy and you know what you should do. Take it from there.

 

The most important question I have for you is this..... Why did you change your picture and where are your other pictures???? I can't find them. I loved the pix you had by your name. Now, I can't see you!:confused: What happened???

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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CG-

 

have you told her yet that you aren't going to the halloween gathering this weekend? if so, how did she respond?

 

I told her on Monday I wasn't going to go and she was cool with it. She knows that I am trying to give her space right now to collect her thoughts and get her life back in order.

 

Caliguy, you're a smart guy and you know what you should do. Take it from there.

 

The most important question I have for you is this..... Why did you change your picture and where are your other pictures???? I can't find them. I loved the pix you had by your name. Now, I can't see you!:confused: What happened???

 

I have to look at my profile. I just changed the main picture in honor of Nicky Hayden who's switching to Ducati after 9 years with Honda. The rest of the pics should be on my profile….

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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Well she is definitely interested. We had a nice chat today and both agreed on a couple of points:

 

1. We like each other.

2. She isn't ready for a relationship with anyone. Still healing.

3. She wasn't completely sure I was interested.

4. I wasn't completely sure she was interested.

5 (3 and 4 were resolved today)

6. We're taking it nice and slow.

 

Those who said stay away were right to some degree. I think what's most important here is that we don't get in a rush for anything. Since we're both thinking "long term" we know that by taking it slow it will pay off in the long term.

 

There's more to the story but that's an update for now. We're meeting later this week for dinner.

sunshinegirl Established Member

sunshinegirl

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You're having dinner on Friday? I predict there will be nothing slow about this, and within the next 2-4 weeks you will be posting that you are in a full-fledged relationship.

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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You're having dinner on Friday? I predict there will be nothing slow about this, and within the next 2-4 weeks you will be posting that you are in a full-fledged relationship.

 

Thanks for your optimism. :)

 

Mid week dinner. Sushi. I'm taking it slow and am in no hurry. There's a lot about her I need to learn....

Shygirl15 Established Member

Shygirl15

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Thanks for your optimism. :)

 

Mid week dinner. Sushi. I'm taking it slow and am in no hurry. There's a lot about her I need to learn....

Aah.

 

Well, I will be one of those waiting for the BIG update ;)

Because 'sushi' and 'taking it slow' doesn't really sync together..:D

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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Aah.

 

Well, I will be one of those waiting for the BIG update ;)

Because 'sushi' and 'taking it slow' doesn't really sync together..:D

 

It's Kaulifornia.

 

Sushi is a regular dietary staple!

sunshinegirl Established Member

sunshinegirl

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Thanks for your optimism. :)

 

Mid week dinner. Sushi. I'm taking it slow and am in no hurry. There's a lot about her I need to learn....

 

(FWIW, I think it's a mistake to move that fast. But...your life!) :)

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CaliGuy Established Member

CaliGuy

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(FWIW, I think it's a mistake to move that fast. But...your life!) :)

 

We're not "moving" anywhere. We're simply hanging out so we can get to know one another. There will be NO hanky panky.

sunshinegirl Established Member

sunshinegirl

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We're not "moving" anywhere. We're simply hanging out so we can get to know one another. There will be NO hanky panky.

 

I didn't say anything about hanky panky. You are blasting full speed ahead emotionally. Even so, the physical will not lag far behind.

 

Unless you're saying that you are going to have nice platonic getting-to-know-you-dinners for the next 2-3 months?

norajane Established Member

norajane

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Thanks for your optimism. :)

 

Mid week dinner. Sushi. I'm taking it slow and am in no hurry. There's a lot about her I need to learn....

 

That's called a date, not taking it slow.

 

Warning! Warning! Transition guy! Warning!

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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