SadHeart79 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Hi everyone, I'm kinda new to this particular section of LS, but have posted in the breaking up and coping sections before. Bit of background info, my fiance of 6 years and I split up in March after I found out he was cheating on me. Anyway, he ran off with her and as far as I know they are still together. I basically hit rock bottom, suffered depression, anxiety, low self esteem, the works. I am better now though, have moved on and got myself back together. It's only now that I've felt okay about starting to date and find someone else. I've mainly started online dating, basically because I don't meet many new people through work and don't have many opportunities to meet people. I've tried joining different clubs and hobbies, but no luck there either. Being out of the dating game for 6 years doesn't help, as I feel totally clueless about getting out there again. I've been on a few dates, and even though I feel that I hit it off with someone, it's very rare that I get to a second date. I don't know what I am doing wrong, the guys I meet are flirty, laugh a lot, agree with what we are talking about, and generally show a lot of interest. Then at the end of the date, I get a kiss, was great to meet you, and then the dreaded "I'll call you." I like to think positive, that yes they will call, but sadly it hardly ever happens. Anyway, my confidence has really been shaken and I'm getting to the stage where I think why bother going on dates? I stay positive, think only the best will come of it, and time after time I am disappointed. Does anyone else on here feel the same way? Do any of you think that dating sucks? I just wish that guys would be honest and that if they didn't feel any attraction, to just tell you, to save the wondering and questioning of what is so wrong with you? Is this common for online dating or is it across the board? I am just so frustrated right now. To be honest, I miss being in a relationship. I don't like being single at all I miss having the closeness of someone special in your life, to do the little things for, to spend time with and to love and be loved. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever find that again...
amaysngrace Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I like to think positive, that yes they will call, but sadly it hardly ever happens. To be honest, I miss being in a relationship. I don't like being single at all I miss having the closeness of someone special in your life, to do the little things for, to spend time with and to love and be loved. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever find that again... You seem to be having a hard time with all of this and for that I'm sorry. The other guy you were with before wasn't the guy for you. Obviously. He'll probably bail on this next one or maybe not but the fact that you're letting him have all this power over you is self-defeating. Let him go. You thinking that there is something wrong with you because he acted like a tool isn't going to help you out. And yeah he's a tool. Be glad he's gone. Dating someone doesn't mean it's for life. You seem to read a whole lot more into having a date than what it actually is. It's a chance to get to know someone better. That is all. If you go on a date thinking that he is Mr. Right and will live happily ever after by your side then you are most definitely throwing out the wrong vibes. Guys pick up on stuff like that. And it puts too much pressure on them to want to even get involved. Take it light. Realize that the guy you're dating may be the one or maybe he won't be. Only time will give you that answer. So just enjoy the moment rather than giving it more weight than it deserves. Him calling you is completely up to him. If he does he does and if he doesn't he doesn't. You can't control it so why bother thinking about it? Just give it your best shot and let the cards fall where they may. You let the last guy have such a big influence on how you see yourself today. Don't allow that to happen again. No matter who comes into your life you should realize that, win or lose, nobody is going to make or break you as a person. That power is yours and yours alone.
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