sweetbutcheeky Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 There may be woman that do this to, but mine and woman I know have had this done to them by men so that's the perspective. My history short version, was with a guy for 7 years, engaged, he walks away 3 weeks before the wedding. Walks out of our apartment and didn't come back, so I flew back to Toronto (thinking we would at least talk, nope he shipped my things collect!) never saw him again. We didn't have a fight nor did he ever answer my questions or tell me why. Story of someone I know: She was going out with a guy for about 7 years as well then one day without warning cut it off cold. She was devastated, but moved on. She was on vacation and met a guy on the beach they hit it off and had a long distance relationship. He asked her to move to live with him, but 2 days before she was to fly there (already packed, quit job and so on) and he said he didn't want her to anymore. No explanation and she is devastated again. For your info she has been a model, dancer and now teaches dance to kids. (can't go back to work at that job because she can't explain to the parents and kids why she didn't move) So men why do you do this? And if there are woman who have done this please explain!
likestolaugh Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 only jerks do that. In a way it's for the best that he did that... he revealed himself in the process...
aubree1982 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I don't know if this is why, but some people are just bad with confrontation and they find it easier on themselves to just leave a situation rather than talk it out. Personally, I left my ex fiance without much of an explaination, I did tell him a few reasons why but I honestly didn't think he could handle the whole truth, because it seemed like if I would have named every reason that I would be point all the blame on him. Its sometimes easier to avoid the situation rather than to hurt someone, and I know having no explaination is just as hurtful, or even more so but some people don't think of it that way. I hope your friend is doing okay, and I'm sure she will bounce back from this just as she did in the past.
muse08 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 wow...that really sucks. i haven't had that done to me per se, but i have had a guy decide he didn't want to continue our relationship suddenly and i was broken up over it. mind you he had just talked about wanting me to move with him. we lived 3 hours away from each other. we were havign a conversation about him missing me and wanting us to be closer.though he did give me some reasons why we shouldn't move together until he got some issues str8, which made sense, it still happened rather suddenly and while we were talking about being closer in location. he showed signs of being a bit unstable. he was sweet and affectionate, but not too much 'common' sense regarding relationships and some life skills,i think. i made him aware of what i thought of him then chose to discuss this with others. i became a bit privy to personalities like this. he may have some serious personality disorder. really...you may want to do some research on it, especially if you still have contact with him or anyone like him. whatever you do, don't beat yourself up and neither should your girlfriend. especially if you KNOW you didn't mistreat him.
awesomeness43 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I am a guy and have been in an ldr as well with the gf and might be put in to a similiar position as she is thinking about moving here and moving in together. I absolutely love her and can definitely see myself with her long term. The thought of moving in together or marriage is a bit overwhelming to guys as it is a sign that it is way serious and we tend to start being pessimistic and think of worst possible outcomes and us not wanting to hurt, be hurt. Then comes a point when you think the best possible way is to end it now and not hurt as much, more of a ... i love you so much, i have to let you go for the better kind of thing... Or, just might be my way of thinking.
muse08 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I am a guy and have been in an ldr as well with the gf and might be put in to a similiar position as she is thinking about moving here and moving in together. I absolutely love her and can definitely see myself with her long term. The thought of moving in together or marriage is a bit overwhelming to guys as it is a sign that it is way serious and we tend to start being pessimistic and think of worst possible outcomes and us not wanting to hurt, be hurt. Then comes a point when you think the best possible way is to end it now and not hurt as much, more of a ... i love you so much, i have to let you go for the better kind of thing... Or, just might be my way of thinking. wow...are you serious?? this is really sad. i think this is how several guys think, but obviously some men muster up some courage b/c there are many who are married and who have remained married for some time. this is a serious issue though. is there a conspiracy going on amongst men? i have heard so many stories like this recently...men acting like they're saving us by letting go. what kind of mess is that?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 In my case he asked me to move in with him, then he asked me to marry him. In my friend's case he asked her to move to Chicago (from Toronto). So if it's the guy's idea why would they do the running? I don't feel bad about myself and know I didn't mistreat him. Though is hard when you didn't really have any closure or answers, I don't dwell on it or think about him most of the time I just saw the similarities to what happened to my friend. We will help her get threw it but hard to be hit again when she just got back up. Sorry awesomeness, I don't understand your logic and way of thinking.
CaliGuy Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I don't know why. I would never ask someone to move and quit their job unless we had a wedding date set. Some men think they know what they want and then freeze. Regardless, that's just flat out being a b&stard!
prettybaby Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I cannot imagine this happening without any red flags raising first. Are you 100% sure everything was great in your relationship before he left? Weren't there any signs or clues AT ALL? I mean, you were either too blinded by your love to see what was truly going on, or the guy's completely mental. As for your friend, no offense, but that was very stupid of her. Some guy she meets at the beach and only stays in touch with from a long distance ... and off she goes, quitting her job and her entire life to move in with him. Sorry, but, yeah.
carhill Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Commitment-phobia. I've had that feeling in the past, but only transitionally and always during the dating process. It was like a feeling of impending doom. It builds and builds and one tries to control and rationalize it; then, all of a sudden, one is acting in completely unnatural ways without knowing why. It's like an emotional break (akin to a psychotic break but in a different way). IME, not exclusively a male domain, but men tend to suppress emotion and negative thoughts more than women, so there ya go .... OP, topically, really sorry to hear that. Can't imagine what that would feel like, and I've had some pretty sad days....
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 I cannot imagine this happening without any red flags raising first. Are you 100% sure everything was great in your relationship before he left? Weren't there any signs or clues AT ALL? I mean, you were either too blinded by your love to see what was truly going on, or the guy's completely mental. As for your friend, no offense, but that was very stupid of her. Some guy she meets at the beach and only stays in touch with from a long distance ... and off she goes, quitting her job and her entire life to move in with him. Sorry, but, yeah. She went to visit him and he came here for a few weeks at a time each, so it wasn't just a phone relationship after meeting on the beach. If you don't take risks in life and do things for love you can miss out, you can't expect things like this to happen. As for myself we had been together for 7 years so we weren't in the love struck puppy dog stage anymore. Yes in love and had just written out own vows 2 days before. No fights or anything out of the ordinary, other than finishing wedding details. Yes it hard to believe there were no signs which is why I didn't see it coming and it was even harder. He didn't even tell his mother who had just bought a $500 dress for the wedding which she couldn't afford or take back. I would think if there was something wrong he would have told her to hold off on buying it (momma's boy). Obviously something was wrong on his side but didn't tell me or let it show, just left. Haven't seen him again to this day.
Vertex Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 My heart goes out to you -- I can't imagine why a guy would do that. That's pretty crappy. That's extreme commitment-phobia or something.
prettybaby Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 That's insane. Was it gonna be a big wedding? Perhaps he got really scared. I don't know many men who like the idea of organizing a wedding Most like something simple, low key and straight forward. Although, again, that doesn't excuse what he did. I find it hard to grasp as well.
Sks Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I don't know, I would not ask a girl to marry me unless I planned on getting married.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 My heart goes out to you -- I can't imagine why a guy would do that. That's pretty crappy. That's extreme commitment-phobia or something. Thank you. It was 4 years ago this pas August, I'm not dwelling on it. Just when I heard about what happened to my friend and thought about my own experience I couldn't help wonder what the hell is wrong with these men? That's insane. Was it gonna be a big wedding? Perhaps he got really scared. I don't know many men who like the idea of organizing a wedding Most like something simple, low key and straight forward. Although, again, that doesn't excuse what he did. I find it hard to grasp as well. No not big, 40 people. And literally days before we sat down and wrote our vows about our love and future together. Then he walks. Says to me after (when I had flown back to Toronto) that he had know for a year that he wanted out. Though less than a year ago that he asked me to marry him. Make sense? Never did to me! Everything he did say, which wasn't much didn't make sense or contradicted something else. He also said that if he hadn't left then, it would have been later after we had been married and had kids. Nice! I don't know, I would not ask a girl to marry me unless I planned on getting married. You would think that all men think that way when they ask the girl. I'm not the first woman it's happened to, unfortunately won't be the last.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 It obvious that it's horrible what these guys did. Why do they do this? They were the ones to ask us. They asked to get married or move in. No one twisted their arm! So why?
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