dharris27 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 It's been a year now. He's been with his new gf for about nine or ten months. I broke up with him, but it was still the hardest thing i ever did. I regretted it for a long while. Then i got over pretty well. I just saw that she and farbod are going to the beach for holloween. It made my heart fall off a cliff. How do i still care? I've dated quite a bit, but nothing's really come of any of it. I miss him sometimes, i feel bewildered to have not spoken to him but once in a year. He sent me a random happy birthday note after not speaking to me for six months or so. I dunno. Do you think guys or even girls date people to get over thier ex? Do you think they can be with someone for ten months and still wish they had thier ex, but since they think they can't they hang on in the current relationship? I've never been able to fake anything...but i hear stories of people doing it all the time. I feel selfish but i miss our friendship so much. And this new girl is so awkward, not very pretty, rude to me, and motherly to him (she's about six years older). weird. Although i'm happy alone, i feel lame not having a boyfriend and he has this girlfriend.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 It my math is right... he started dating her 3 months after you two broke up? Its possible he dated her at first just to try dating again, but its been 9 months you say, and theyre going on vacation... I'd say hes probably quite happy with her, I am sorry if that hurts you. :S Its also possible he dated her to get over you, then realized he was happy with her as time passed, and now is dating her because he likes/loves her. As for the birthday thing, I guess... I still know my ex's birthdays, because they were important to me. That used to be a special date where you got to make your ex feel wonderful, and do something nice for them. So... maybe he felt he should say something, because he cared, because for a while, that was part of his world. Also, its totally normal to feel weird that hes dating and your not. Its strange, its painful. Its like.. even if that person isnt talking to you anymore, you want to feel ahead of them, so if they did see you/ think of you, theyd be envious, and not the other way around.
Author dharris27 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 yeah, it's funny, I'm generally wise myself and insightful. I believe what you say is true. I romantasize that he's still in love with me. Mostly because we broke up a few times, all me, and he always did incredible romantic things to win me back. And because i know he loved me so much and it was mutual - although he infuriated me as a boyfriend because of a lot of reasons - and i haven't found that to happen with anyone else i know it effects my self esteem. I do miss that intense mutual love though...i suppose i find it hard to believe any one person gets to feel that way with one person and then another so quickly. I know it's my ego. But i like hearing the reality check such as yours.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I am sure part of him misses you. I don't know if you can ever like, not miss the great moments you shared with someone. Nostalgia- its one powerful thing. That being said, "time is the longest distance between two places" (Tennessee Williams) Even if he misses you, each day it gets a bit further away.
sedgwick Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Why did you keep breaking up with him over and over?
JooLee Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I do miss that intense mutual love though...i suppose i find it hard to believe any one person gets to feel that way with one person and then another so quickly. i totally understand with you on that. im starting to think myself maybe thats why its so hard for me to let go. because i couldnt understand how you can feel so much for one person and divert the feelings to another person so fast. and i still had that hope that he was just lying to himself, that he still must have have feelings for me. but that hope is a lie. and its time we all realise that... i suppose that is their way of coping. one day, we will feel more intense feeling for someone new. it will come, at the right time. and then we'll look back at this with indifference. now its how we bring ourselves up. there's nothing stopping us now, but ourselves. hold your head up high
MichiganMan222 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Yes its possible for them to still love you and want to be with you even though they are with someone else long-term and taking vacations with them. I've did it myself.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 This guy sounded like a keeper if you miss him so much. He tried to win you back over and over because he believed in your relationship and loved you. He got tired of being hurt by you dumping, and he wants to be happy with someone who wants him. Good for him for moving on and getting out of painful cycle of getting dumped. That rocks. My ex dumped me 3 or so months ago and hurt me So bad. I tried to get her back and she gave me the shaft. She with some dude and "happy", and I've been dating too. I was so F-ed up for a little while, then, like your ex, I realized I am nobody's throwaway MAN. I am awesome and have a lot to offer. Its nice to hear a story of triumph
MichiganMan222 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I tried to add to my post but it was too late....let me add.... While this is possible, its probably not likely...I did it, but the ex and I saw each other nearly everyday at work. You said you haven't talked in a year. HUGE difference I bet.
tealeafbud Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 weird. Although i'm happy alone, i feel lame not having a boyfriend and he has this girlfriend. hey d, I'm in the same boat as you. my ex has moved on and i can comfortably say that I have accepted it. It was hard at first, especially since it was I who left her. I know she still thinks about me, but all I want for me is to slowly fade to black on her, the memories, the relationship, everything about her. Of course nobody is perfect. I still find myself looking at old photos and something. But you can strive for it, can't you?
Sysyphus28 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 You broke up with this other person............and now your sad?! The dumper's have feelings too? I am just kidding. Thier is alot of pain on both sides. It is surprising to hear reverse-pining. You would have thought that if you broke up with someone you were DONE with them and that was that. I can't wait to be the person who has "moved on" right now I am wondering what she is up to. 5 weeks strong NC. I hope she feels your burn someday. It gives me hope.
kizik Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I think "feeling lame" b/c you don't have a mate is a pretty messed-up thing. I don't blame you though, I blame our "companionship culture." We're force-fed a bunch of bull about how if we don't have anyone, we're no one, which is really just a way to minimize the importance of being an individual. My advice for you is quite simple: focus on the things you DO have, and not the things you don't. Unhappiness always comes from wanting more.
Author dharris27 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 It's strange that people don't have any faith in people who decide to break with another because they think it's a good idea. I didn't want to loose him. I just didn't know what to do. I wanted him to be good to me so i could marry him, but that idea of "good" was really different for us due to all kinds of things. He did some pretty rediculous things to have me break up with him - once he practically cheated on me and humiliated me. The way my friends saw it and including myself is that i was the victim of a relationship in which the guy i was with claimed he loved me yet didn't always seem to act that way. It's far too complicated to get into. It has to do with anxiety issues, immaturities on his part, and cultural differences. You wonder I'm sure what i miss him then? It doesn't mean that we didn't have something amazing. Would he have been a good father? No. Would he have ultimately made me feel respected and loved even though he claims he wanted to? No. But we did love each other, far deeper than any relationship. It was like a cosmic connection that i tried to preserve by breaking up with him before it got ugly...so maybe i could salvage some friendship. He was convinced we need to be in a relationship though and couldn't really see it any other way. We see each other a lot. We have a ton of mutual friends and we are too nervous to talk to each other. He was my sunshine even though that sounds cheesy as heck. And the day i met him i felt good every day after that just knowing he was around and that he wanted to be my friend. I wish he would have been more mature. More emotionally stable and less selfish. I really do. But, you can't change anyone. right?
Author dharris27 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 reverse pining is terrible odd though. I can agree with you all. It shocked me how hard it hit me though. I guess i didn't think we'd ever stop being friends. And yeah, for everyone involved it only best i learn to move on..which i have in almost all ways...like i said, just kind of hit me the other day. And it's best i hope he's happy and he's learned to love better. I know he still loves me. I know i still love him. That should be enough to put me to bed. Interesting responses though. Thank you guys.
Author dharris27 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 This is for better understaning... i tried editing my earlier post. sorry to ramble so much. I would have never gone back to someone who wasn't a keeper. No one is anyone's throw-a-way person and i'm really sorry if someone made you feel that way. I spent a lot of time telling him that i thought he was amazing but it was just random incompatibilities that kept me from ever feeling like we'd really established the level of intimacy and understanding of one another people need to keep a strong and healthy relationship.
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