alpha24 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 hi everyone: i'm new here and in need of some advice please help me !! I'm gonna make this long story as short as possible...i was in a relationship with this girl for a year and 3 months everything was great, argued only a few times in our long relationship, all of a sudden she said her feelings were going away but she asked me top help her 'cause she didn't want to lose me 'cause i was "a great guy" but the next day she broke up with me. I was her first boyfriend, so i told her that i needed to stay away from her 'cause i needed to heal, 4 days of NC and she texted me saying that she was deperate to see me, i kept the NC for 2 months and within that time she would text me occasionally saying that she wanted to be friends..so didn't see her for 2 months until one day i saw her and she would not keep her eyes off me..since we work together after those 2 months i've been working same days she is (only 'cause those are the only days i can work at that place) and we talk very little while at work,and 90% of times she is the one who starts the conversation, sometimes i feel like she still has feelings for me 'cause i've caught her looking at me but sometimes i feel like she's not interested. she dated a guy after me who is 12 years older but she broke up with him, i don't know what to do..should i stop working there so she could miss me like she did before or should i continue to see her so she won't forget about me,, i really wanna get back with her...PLEASE HELP ME
BCCA Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Hey, sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Relationships are some of the hardest things to deal with in life. With that said, you really have to disconnect yourself from everything but the most basic point you need to understand: you two are no longer together. Its funny to hear that Im not the only one whose ex 'didnt want to lose them because i was a great guy', but honestly asses that statement. She doesnt want to lose you, but broke up with you, thereby forcing you in another direction. Doesnt sound like an accurate statement on her part, does it? Second, the fact that youre a great guy is a nice compliment, but what does it really mean in this context? Youre a great guy - just not for her. She also dated someone else in the two months that you were broken up. To me, that makes a pretty clear statement that she was over the relationship that you two had, or at the very least, didnt want to be reminded of it. Even if this new relationship is over, that was pretty fast to be getting involved with someone else. You really need to know that you have no control over what she does and how shell feel. There is nothing you can do to make her want to be with you, or think about you, etc. Women are very different from men, by the time they end a relationship, theyve been telling everyone they know that theyre going to break up with you, and have been convincing themselves its the right thing to do. When they finally pull the trigger, its very seldom that they change their mind. Aside from the fact that they've convinced themselves theyre better off without you, theyve also told all thier friends why they are better off without you, and would have to eat some serious crow to get back together. Chances of that happening are not very good. My opinion is that this girl misses the attention/affection she got from you, but probably not you personally. If she wanted to get back together or had feelings for you, there would be no mixed signals or uncertainty - you would know. She probably throws a few signals your way when she is lonely, looking for attention, but the fact that she doesnt really explain herself or what shes looking for make it pretty obvious that she doesnt want to tell you, because its a totally selfish reason. I would focus on moving on and acting as though this is a done deal. Dont let yourself be a 'semi-boyfriend' that she can call when shes lonely, but wont be there for when the shoe is on the other foot. Keep NC, and move on. Im sorry, I know this sucks, but you have to accept things and move on before anything gets better. Even if by some strange luck you did get back together, shell never want anyone who is stuck on her and cant live their own life without her.
Author alpha24 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 hey bcca : you know, you're absolutely right and i really think the same way, even before the break up, if someone would've been in the same situation i am now, i would've said the same thing but everything changes when you're going through it, you know what you have to do and you know there's no hope but you do it 'cause the ghost of her is still inside you and won't let go of you until you set in your mind that you have to pick yourself up dust yourself off and move the f*ck on otherwise it'll be a lot harder to forget and heal....thanks man i'm glad you gave me some advice 'cause i needed to hear it...keep posting ..everybody else is welcome to post it will help a lot in this times of depression.thanks everyone
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