Author mendsley Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 Lady Bird and 2Sure, thank you for the reply. I do agree that i am rushing things and need to slow down, it is difficult but very important. 2sure my wife has mentioned in the past she feels like she is dealing with a freaking lawyer and I have never thought much into that. I can see that when I say things they seem to be not carefully thought out on how it might be percieved by others, that is something else I should talk to my counselor about. With the whole child thing I did not mean to be a know it all, and that is how it sounded, I just people to see what I have been working on and how it could be a positive thing. Your input is very valuable to me 2sure so any more things you might notice about me I think it is good to bring to my attention. I have noticed something here, men usually seem to be more aggressive on how they would react with different situations and women seem to be more about looking into what is really going on and possibilities of what might have happened, so your input is all but important to not only me but others on this forum
2sure Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Mendsley - I had to laugh while reading both my own and your last reply. You sound a LOT like my BIL. He is a great guy. Very giving. Sensitive...depends. Very caring. But he comes across as ...a cold bastard. Unless you know him, which only takes 20 years or so to do. Its his approach. Ive gotten past it and I love him....but really. I guess some of it comes down to the left brain/right brain thing as well as the Mars/Venus thing. Communication...if we say the right things the wrong way, they still hurt or annoy. Your wife seems to perceive your actions differently than you do. Whats that about??
Author mendsley Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 I came here for answers and I can say I have learned ALOT from reading other postings. If there is anything I learned the most it would have to be COMMUNICATION is one of the biggest things for a marriage to work. I am finding my communication skills are not where it needs to be for my wife to understand my communication to her, and apparently others . Maybe alot of people don't realize, including me, that when communicating to your wife or husband there needs to be an understanding that comprehension is what communication really is. So when my wife and I talked it was just that talking, there was no understanding exactly what we were communicating to each other. Whats funny after I read your reply 2sure the thing that stuck out the most was coming accross as a cold bastard. I have noticed that I am really nice to people I don't really know, but very different to my family.... what the heck is that about?? I think alot of people here want to fix their relationship and is always looking for the quick easy way to fix the problem well I can guarentee that the root of all most every problem here is communication. So if you can find exactly how to communicate to your wife or husband, thru verbal or most importanly actions, than your quest is to find out how to make the other person truly understand what you are trying to communicate. If you are trying to communicate and the other person is not understanding what you are saying you should use another tactic to get your point accross. Just think if you have ever dealt with a foreigner and you were trying to talk to him or her to find your way and they just shrugged their shulders, well you don't give up you calmly try another approach to break that communication barrier. Here is the definition of COMMUNICATION in the simplest form for those who want to expand on it, I picked up alot from just reading that and I can already see a change in finding that way to make me whole again!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication
2sure Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I always thought I was a good communicator, good with words, etc. But I was/am often confused when people take my words the wrong way. I have been told it is the way I say them or I've noticed people place more emphasis on a given point that was not my main point. Frustrating to find out all along, the problem is ME. My H, on the other hand really is a great communicator. He speaks publicly and also does a lot of negotiating, so this skill has taken him far. I have to say that his skills have helped a lot during problems in our marriage. At the same time he laughingly uses this quote: "Communication, thats the problem with most marriages......TOO much communication!" - Homer Simpson
TrustInYourself Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 LOL, pulling out the wikipedia definitions. Awesome. 2Sure, that quote is perfection. I'm a decent communicator as well, but I find myself communicating everything. That just puts my wife through so many hoops. I've noticed, if I just chill and be less reactionary and less impulsive, it calms her and makes her more appreciative of me. Before I would just go off. Now I'm more mellow and understanding, thoughtful. Isn't that cool? We all communicate differently, but what makes things exciting is understanding those differences.
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