aubree1982 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 When you're dating someone and you don't have that 'you're the one' feeling should you break up or with time will that feeling come? Please share your experience for either side.
EYECANDY000 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 It should just come naturally. I dont think anyone here can tell you a time period in which you should have that fuzzy feeling inside. Im sure you will know when it comes, and after a while and you dont think the relationship will develop into something more then you cut ties
TigerCub Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Well it depends on how long you're dating. I don't expect to have the 'you're the one' feeling from the beginning. Well actually I don't think I've had that 'you're the one' feeling for anyone, so maybe my answer doesn't count...
pandagirl Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 These feeling are just hormones, but they are necessary to take that extra step. I've felt this way about two men. Neither one worked out. So, I am doubtful of these "the one" feelings. I've learned not to get carried away as I've gotten older.
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I've never had the "he's the one" experience during the first couple months. I usually develop a deeper connection after 5-7 months of being with someone. I do however see something in certain guys right off the bat that has me interested. I dated someone for almost a year and never could develop deeper feelings for him. The quickest feeling of intensity for me has happened after a month. I fell for that guy hard. I think that since getting burned by him I am overly cautious with my feelings now.
tidalwave Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 When you're dating someone and you don't have that 'you're the one' feeling should you break up or with time will that feeling come? Please share your experience for either side. Jeez. how long have you been dating? You don't have that feeling right away.
pandagirl Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I've never had the "he's the one" experience during the first couple months. I usually develop a deeper connection after 5-7 months of being with someone. I do however see something in certain guys right off the bat that has me interested. I dated someone for almost a year and never could develop deeper feelings for him. The quickest feeling of intensity for me has happened after a month. I fell for that guy hard. I think that since getting burned by him I am overly cautious with my feelings now. I'm the same way. It takes me at least 3-4 months to get my feelings going for someone. I have to really get to know someone, before I let down my guard enough to start to really *feel* something. Of course, initially, there has be to substantive interest on my part from the beginning to continue to get to know someone. But, I am a "slow burner." Not all people work this way though. I had a guy who really liked me break up with me after one month, he didn't think I was "the one."
Author aubree1982 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Well, we dated for a few months last year and we both had that feeling with each other instantly. We recently got back together a few months ago but it just doesn't feel the same. It's kinda stale and dull and there isn't as much passion. I keep telling myself that with time I'll get that feeling back, but I don't want to waste my time (or his) if that feeling is never going to come. I know it takes time to fall in love, but that's not the feeling I'm talking about when I say 'you're the one'...maybe I should say that butterfly feeling.
pandagirl Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Well, we dated for a few months last year and we both had that feeling with each other instantly. We recently got back together a few months ago but it just doesn't feel the same. It's kinda stale and dull and there isn't as much passion. I keep telling myself that with time I'll get that feeling back, but I don't want to waste my time (or his) if that feeling is never going to come. I know it takes time to fall in love, but that's not the feeling I'm talking about when I say 'you're the one'...maybe I should say that butterfly feeling. Could it be you're just more comfortable with him? Butterflies are usually associated with newness. Maybe your relationship has just passed into another phase? NEW FLASH: butterflies come and go, and, eventually and sadly, usually peter out.
Author aubree1982 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 That's the thing, I'm not entirely comfortable with him. I'm not a shy person whatsoever so it's weird that I'm so reserved/shy around him. It sucks because he is everything I want in a partner, he has a big heart and treats me with respect. I'm usually an all or nothing type person when it comes to feelings for someone, but with him I care about him and enjoy spending time with him but I also don't mind when we go a couple days with no contact. This is just a different experience for me, I've never wanted to be with someone so bad but yet not care if we don't see each other. I've wasted so much time with past relationships that haven't lead anywhere that I don't want to waste any more time. I don't want to just tell him I'm done because the possibility of things leading to more is there, it just doesn't seem to be happening right now. I was drunk last night and sent him a text telling him I thought it was weird that both of us would rather do our own thing than spend time together. He went with his friends to a party and I went and hung out with mine, he never invited me to join him but that's not what bothered me. I think what has me confused is that I feel like at this point we should both want to try to spend time with each other yet it seems like we both just do our own thing and see each other when its convienent for both of us. His response was "I'm not talking about this now." And I still havent heard from him. I know I should call, but I honestly don't know what I want to say to him yet.
pandagirl Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I think you should stop analyzing your feelings and go with the flow! If you like him and want to continue seeing him, that's all that is important right now. I think we are all guilty of over-thinking our feelings and it doesn't really get us anywhere in the longterm. Also, have you thought that you just feel really secure and happy in this relationship, which lets you be independent and free? And vice versa for him?
vanilla87 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Well my mom had that feeling the first moment she saw my dad and they have been married for 23 years now. Some people just know when they meet someone and sometimes other people don't know till something triggers that feeling. Everyone is different when it comes to knowing who is "the one" for you.
SushiX Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 There is no such thing as "you're the one" There is always, always someone better. Only you can decide if that person is "the one" that matches you at this moment in your life.
vanilla87 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 There is no such thing as "you're the one" There is always, always someone better. Only you can decide if that person is "the one" that matches you at this moment in your life. Thats a very "the grass is always greener on the other side" attitude towards it...which isn't always true...cause you know or you don't...its not always black or white, sometimes its in a grey area and you never know, but if you date enough people or been with someone for a long time, you sooner or later figure out if that person is or someone is the one for you. So stop pressuring yourself in trying to know, if your not too worried, maybe the right person will end being the last person you expected to be "the one", you never know, life is full of surprises...
javierserventez Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Every relationship should have its fair chance, but when you first start a relationship is when it should be the most fun and passion-filled. if it's already puttering out, then it's not just you who's noticing. that being said, i still think every relationship deserves a shot. I would say if you're not happy, though, then it's definitely time to move on.
Author aubree1982 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 So...I'm still debating on what to do with this relationship. A couple months ago I talked to him and told him I need more out of our relationship and he promised he would try to become more emotionally invested in us, which he has some since then but not enough for me to feel a real connection with him. I do have to admit that I'm also not letting myself become fully invested either. Would having another talk with him be too much? Would it make me seem needy? (which I'm not at all, I'm a pretty simple girl!) I don't want to scare him away because I keep asking for more from him, but I also don't want to sit in silence when I'm unhappy with how things are....Any thoughts or ways I might approach him about this?
manugeorge Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 So...I'm still debating on what to do with this relationship. A couple months ago I talked to him and told him I need more out of our relationship and he promised he would try to become more emotionally invested in us, which he has some since then but not enough for me to feel a real connection with him. I do have to admit that I'm also not letting myself become fully invested either. Would having another talk with him be too much? Would it make me seem needy? (which I'm not at all, I'm a pretty simple girl!) I don't want to scare him away because I keep asking for more from him, but I also don't want to sit in silence when I'm unhappy with how things are....Any thoughts or ways I might approach him about this? How long has it been since you've been together? Are you not fully vested in him because he's not fully vested in you?
Author aubree1982 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 How long has it been since you've been together? Are you not fully vested in him because he's not fully vested in you? We've officially been together for about 3 1/2 months, but we also dated for a few months over a year ago as well. And yes, I don't think I'm fully invested in him because he isn't in me...I know, I know, it works both ways! But I do try to do things or say things that will open him up more but it never seems to work.
manugeorge Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 We've officially been together for about 3 1/2 months, but we also dated for a few months over a year ago as well. And yes, I don't think I'm fully invested in him because he isn't in me...I know, I know, it works both ways! But I do try to do things or say things that will open him up more but it never seems to work. I don't think you can ask someone to become more emotionally invested in you, they either are or they are not. 31/2 months of constantly being around a person is enough to get a general idea whether your feelings are growing deeper for them or you're just indifferent. I think what's better to ask him is how he feels about your relationship and open the lines of communication from there.
Author aubree1982 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Well, it hasn't been 3 1/2 months of 'consantly' being with each other. We really only see each other once or twice a week, but even when we do see each other there is almost always someone else around, whether it be his friends or family. When we had our 'talk' awhile back I told him that I enjoyed spending time with his family and friends but I wanted to spend more time alone, and he agreed but this still hasn't changed. I've even offered suggestions for us to do things alone but we always seem to find someone else to do things with. Maybe I just want it to feel more like a relationship than a friendship. The only time I feel connected to him is during or after sex, and I want more than that. So if I ask him 'How do you feel about our relationship?' and I get a response like 'It's good'...or something to that effect then what do I say to that? He's not always the greatest at communication.
manugeorge Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well, it hasn't been 3 1/2 months of 'consantly' being with each other. We really only see each other once or twice a week, but even when we do see each other there is almost always someone else around, whether it be his friends or family. When we had our 'talk' awhile back I told him that I enjoyed spending time with his family and friends but I wanted to spend more time alone, and he agreed but this still hasn't changed. I've even offered suggestions for us to do things alone but we always seem to find someone else to do things with. Maybe I just want it to feel more like a relationship than a friendship. The only time I feel connected to him is during or after sex, and I want more than that. So if I ask him 'How do you feel about our relationship?' and I get a response like 'It's good'...or something to that effect then what do I say to that? He's not always the greatest at communication. Well in that case, you have to ask open ended questions. If he says, "it's good", ask him "in what way"? or ask him to elaborate. Explain your point of view that you don't feel as close to him and you wonder if he feels close to you. On the flip side also, you have to stop looking to him to define the relationship. This is a man showing you who he is and what he's about. You don't have to wait for him to become invested before you decide you are also invested. You can decide that he's just not "it" for you regardless of his feelings about the relationship.
prettybaby Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 It really depends. I've given guys a chance who I didn't instantly fall for and they turned out to be awesome partners. Of course those past relationships eventually failed for various reasons, but that's a different topic. And then other guys who could have been on the same boat, got ditched right away. So why did I stick with some and not with others? I don't know. I just followed my gut feelings. Can't say I've been too wrong so far, so that's the only advise I'll give.
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