vonerik012 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I think.. If you are brought up with pride in your culture, it is hard to want to leave it, or just live a new life. By culture I mean the whole mix of race/ethnicity/customs/religion. This does not make one "racist". Some people, for example, might be brought up in the opposite manner. Maybe they do not even have a strong family unit, and are raised by a single mom trying to make ends meet. Or they are raised being told "everyone is the exact same, all cultures are acceptable" etc etc. These people marry anyone from any culture. For many, American women are just confusing.. Since roles are blurred, it is too much hassle. To be with someone, they at least need to know what they want themselves, lol.. And by knowing what one wants, it also must be realistic. This does not mean wanting to marry a CEO or doctor, while having your own successful career, while having 2 children, while traveling, and living in a big home, and having plenty of time for everything.. No matter what, I just do not get the feeling that women want to work their entire lives, ship the kids to daycare, and be an equal bill payer. Maybe some do this, but it just does not seem natural. It seems they do it because they have an inability to trust men, or as a safety mechanism when things will go wrong. Not because they just simply love working 50 hours a week forever. For this reason, a traditional old world women just makes much more sense for men who come from that culture, or for many men not even from a culture that practices that.
trubella Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 yeah. i feel you on that. two africans i dated had that mentality, but we couldn't come to a common ground. sounds like you have a decent understanding of him and i'm sure he appreciates it. do you think you may end up marrying a european? just curious... i think at this rate, i probably will lol..if not him, someone else, we've talked about getting married in the near future so im starting to adapt to his culture little by little
Author muse08 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 I think.. For many, American women are just confusing.. Since roles are blurred, it is too much hassle. To be with someone, they at least need to know what they want themselves, lol.. And by knowing what one wants, it also must be realistic. This does not mean wanting to marry a CEO or doctor, while having your own successful career, while having 2 children, while traveling, and living in a big home, and having plenty of time for everything.. No matter what, I just do not get the feeling that women want to work their entire lives, ship the kids to daycare, and be an equal bill payer. Maybe some do this, but it just does not seem natural. It seems they do it because they have an inability to trust men, or as a safety mechanism when things will go wrong. Not because they just simply love working 50 hours a week forever. For this reason, a traditional old world women just makes much more sense for men who come from that culture, or for many men not even from a culture that practices that. i think you'd be correct to think that women don't loooove doing everything themselves or having to go about life multi-tasking so much. however, this is a reality and it can only end once the cycle of evil ends within male/female relationships. >>most normal people don't want to be alone for the rest of their lives or be self-sufficient by default, but the nature of the world today seems to foster selfishness and wonton gratification. therefor, causing men and women to care less about pleasing others for a greater good, but moreso for themselves. meaning less dependable people to choose for a spouse because not many people stay faithful or committed. so, as human beings, we have options. WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO SUBMIT/MARRY/CLEAVE with someone JUST FOR THE SAKE OF NOT BEING ALONE? yes some people do this and end up with a family, but miserable for the rest of their lives. I THINK THIS IS WHY SO MANY AMERICAN WOMEN CHOOSE TO STAY SINGLE IF WE KNOW WE CAN BE JUST AS STRETCHED OUT OR MORE IF WE WEREN'T SINGLE. personally, i don't want to "settle". this whole thing to me has spun out of control almost and makes me wonder if marriage is becoming extinct. the pool of reliable men is diminishing. this is one reason i think it's important to explore other cultures, when dating.
Author muse08 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 i think at this rate, i probably will lol..if not him, someone else, we've talked about getting married in the near future so im starting to adapt to his culture little by little awww, that's cool... keep me posted on this. i'm serious. i really want to find out what makes relationships work PERIOD!
signedin2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 ...so what is it about american women, that makes some men of other ethinicities not desire marriage with many of us? i've heard this of some indian, hispanic, and african men. i'm truly curious. i've heard that they think that we american women try or are too independent and therefor will not "submit" as easily. also, do they assume that the majority of american women are just crazy sex fiends...(ridiculous, but...) The stereo type is that American women are generally self centered, Paris Hiltonish, non-mother/daughter-in-law material. The fact is, many men from other countries are very family oriented. When you marry them, you marry into the family. It's not going to work if you care alot about going to bars with the girls, not helping out the mother-in-law with (you name it), etc.
Author muse08 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 The stereo type is that American women are generally self centered, Paris Hiltonish, non-mother/daughter-in-law material. The fact is, many men from other countries are very family oriented. When you marry them, you marry into the family. It's not going to work if you care alot about going to bars with the girls, not helping out the mother-in-law with (you name it), etc. personally i, and so many other american women, do not fit that mold at all... especially hispanic and black americans are VERY much family oriented. i'm black and family comes first! we respect our elders and when our young children step out of line, they are reprimanded by any one of us...family means a great deal to me and sooo many of my girl friends. we are in a time where some men perhaps want us "women" to really NEED them more than we WANT them. however, men of other cultures are not the only ones with this type of mentality it's perhaps men in general. more women are becoming independent, but we still WANT a SO to share the ups and downs of everyday living. this paris hiltonish stuff is more prevalent amongst white women i'm serious. as blacks we grow up knowing that you marry a spouse's family and that family should stick together and parents ARE to be respected just b/c they are our parents! NO ONE IS TOO GOOD FOR THAT... so perhaps this is something that needs to be explored more amongst people when they date. a spouse should help make life easier not full of more drama
vonerik012 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 personally i, and so many other american women, do not fit that mold at all... this paris hiltonish stuff is more prevalent amongst white women i'm serious. as blacks we grow up knowing that you marry a spouse's family and that family should stick together and parents ARE to be respected just b/c they are our parents! NO ONE IS TOO GOOD FOR THAT... Since we are stereotyping, that must be why successful black men with choices always stick with black women. Their selflessness..(Sarcasm)
taiko Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 especially hispanic and black americans are VERY much family oriented. i'm black and family comes first! we respect our elders and when our young children step out of line, they are reprimanded by any one of us... On the other hand the two communities you mentioned have about the highest out of wedlock absent father birthrates in the world with 75% of African American and 50% Latino American children. Without dads around the village model is broken and since mom, with government assistance must fill the dad role the mothering is done by grandmother. It doesn't seem to adversely affect Latinas in interacial dating so it is probably not a cause for Black women not being a partner of choice in interacial dating.
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 ....as blacks we grow up knowing that you marry a spouse's family and that family should stick together and parents ARE to be respected just b/c they are our parents! NO ONE IS TOO GOOD FOR THAT... Forgive me... sorry... You are kidding, right...? In the UK, the highest incidence of unwed, pregnant teenage girls is in the black community. A constant complaint I get is how absent the fathers are. Knife crimes and muggings are on the up, and this is all put down to the fact - by Black Community spokespeople and leaders - that it's due to broken families and the men absconding..... Some of these guys are fathers five six or seven times over. With different girls.....
taiko Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Forgive me... sorry... You are kidding, right...? In the UK, the highest incidence of unwed, pregnant teenage girls is in the black community. A constant complaint I get is how absent the fathers are. Knife crimes and muggings are on the up, and this is all put down to the fact - by Black Community spokespeople and leaders - that it's due to broken families and the men absconding..... Some of these guys are fathers five six or seven times over. With different girls..... The same in America, except we have guns and most Black's are generally further generations removed from Africa. I would say that the welfare state has broken the community ties. The state check has took the role and the soul of the blackman. After a couple of generations there is no father thus no UK version of a shotgun wedding forced by her dad and brothers which historically was the ultimate control, not the fear of ending up in hell, over male instinctive behaviour.
You'reasian Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 The stereo type is that American women are generally self centered, Paris Hiltonish, non-mother/daughter-in-law material. The fact is, many men from other countries are very family oriented. When you marry them, you marry into the family. It's not going to work if you care alot about going to bars with the girls, not helping out the mother-in-law with (you name it), etc. Excellent point. There's some truth to this stereotype, but not always. American men often seek women from other countries because they are more family oriented.
Author muse08 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Excellent point. There's some truth to this stereotype' date=' but not always. American men often seek women from other countries because they are more family oriented.[/quote'] i assume you date american men. do you date black men?
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 For most of my life I had gone around as if there was only one type of man to have a relationship with. (A 3 day long boyfriend in high school hardly qualifies right...?) So, this year I opened myself up the dating outside my race. As a black female, I can say that we don't date outside our race as much as women of other races. I must say that I am quite comfortable dating white men. Many similarities come in different packages. Though we may all know this, I have witnessed it for myself and can speak on it now more than ever before. I've come to the conclusion that I think a white man will be IT for me, not as a caprice, but as a life-long partner. Anyone care to share experiences? Now, my question...Is there anything in particular that you(men or woman) pay more attention to when dating...especially when dating outside your race? My advice is consider someone as an individual, not as a member of a 'race'. IMO the only real impact of someone's race is on their looks, I don't really see how it affects their personality or anything else, let alone their suitability as a lover.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 That would be true if you are an orphan or you have no good family foundation. I guess it's the latter for you. There is a saying that one just don't marry his/her spouse, but also the family of that spouse. I think that saying is a little extreme, but, most educated and well-behaved individuals will take family and background into consideration when marriage is being discussed. Yeah right. Anyone who is an individualist will tell their family, and anyone else, to go take a high jump the moment they try to poke their noses in to their love life. If you want to be a chattel slave to your family and their petty prejudices, that's fine by me. Just don't expect others to make sure a moronic decision.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Forgive me... sorry... You are kidding, right...? In the UK, the highest incidence of unwed, pregnant teenage girls is in the black community. A constant complaint I get is how absent the fathers are. Knife crimes and muggings are on the up, and this is all put down to the fact - by Black Community spokespeople and leaders - that it's due to broken families and the men absconding..... Some of these guys are fathers five six or seven times over. With different girls..... IMHO you're confusing black culture with ghetto culture.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 The stereo type is that American women are generally self centered, Paris Hiltonish, non-mother/daughter-in-law material. The fact is, many men from other countries are very family oriented. When you marry them, you marry into the family. It's not going to work if you care alot about going to bars with the girls, not helping out the mother-in-law with (you name it), etc. The only reason you marry into their family is because in the 3rd world poverty and unemployment are so high, and charity & state welfare so non-existent that the family is the primary means of survival. People often live with their parents into their 30s. Since these problems are much less prevalent in the west, and people can stand on their own two feet much earlier, there is no need to marry into the family - you just marry your spouse, and live life the way you want rather than the way your or her family want. Welcome to the free world - individual choice, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and all that.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Excellent point. There's some truth to this stereotype' date=' but not always. American men often seek women from other countries because they are more family oriented.[/quote'] Oh please. American men who chase foreign pussy do so because the green card factor and purchasing power of the dollar means they can get laid with gold-digging hot chicks who would otherwise not given them the time of day back home. Family values has nothing to do with it - tell me the last time you met an American guy who liked being ordered around by his (foreign) mother in law.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Throwing themselves at men? lol If anything I heard American women are colder and more aloof... If you want easy sex go to Europe, not the USA, lol. American women cold and aloof? Either you're a troll; or have never been to the USA, and swallow any BS you hear.
Island Girl Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I have dated Latin men, African-American men, Caucasian men, and one Pacific Islander. I myself am Caucasian - of the blond/green eyed persuasion. Some family members have had issues. That is their problem. I will do in my life what makes me happy. And my relationship with my spouse is more important than any other. After all it is he whom I will build a life with and create a family with.
taiko Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 American women cold and aloof? Either you're a troll; or have never been to the USA, and swallow any BS you hear. I would throw the troll card. When you go out of your way to explore intercultural relationships you first come with prejudice only with experience can you dismiss that prejudice. In a European's case that America is strange being a western country with all these religious people. An American woman compared to a European on a topless beach could be seen as colder, more repressed.
taiko Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Oh please. American men who chase foreign pussy do so because the green card factor and purchasing power of the dollar means they can get laid with gold-digging hot chicks who would otherwise not given them the time of day back home. Family values has nothing to do with it - tell me the last time you met an American guy who liked being ordered around by his (foreign) mother in law. I mostly agree with you but playing devil's advocate the family value being discussed is choosing the housewife role rather then the second or primary income earner role. And on the economic side because she upgraded from riding on a tricycle to your Chevy that she won't be looking to leave to be with the BMW owner as that is a small instead of a lifechanging upgrade.
Author muse08 Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 My advice is consider someone as an individual, not as a member of a 'race'. IMO the only real impact of someone's race is on their looks, I don't really see how it affects their personality or anything else, let alone their suitability as a lover. you are half right and half wrong. a person's race does affect other areas of their lives. some people of a certain race will not associate with people of other races b/c of the color of their skin. some people feel superior b/c of the color of their skin/race...so if you live in a utopic society then what you said would be sure. however, in this life i'm sorry to say that what you said is not true...
Author muse08 Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 IMHO you're confusing black culture with ghetto culture. gotta agree w/ u on this one! she made some comments out of ignorance and lack of concern for the truth, so it seems
Savychick Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I'm west indian and have been dating an irish guy for over a year and a half. The biggest thing for us is the friends and family aspect. It's like a collision of our worlds.. i.e. he likes rock and I like reggae music. It is completely different and opens your eyes to different cultures and lifestyles. Cheers
Island Girl Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 you are half right and half wrong. a person's race does affect other areas of their lives. some people of a certain race will not associate with people of other races b/c of the color of their skin. some people feel superior b/c of the color of their skin/race...so if you live in a utopic society then what you said would be sure. however, in this life i'm sorry to say that what you said is not true... The poster prefaced the comment with IMO -- clearly stating that is poster's opinion just as the post above is your OPINION. And I agree with mental_traveller that "the only real impact of someone's race is on their looks, I don't really see how it affects their personality or anything else, let alone their suitability as a lover." Having dated other races I find personality, intelligence, character, financial status, etc. is dictated by the individual NOT their race. Anyone who sees themselves as superior due to the skin color or will not associate with others of different races is purely ignorant and thankfully I have found them to be the minority NOT the majority. And I do not associate with them.
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