smile711 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 So in my last thread I wrote about how tough it was to hear his voice on the phone after 2 months of NC. Well, things got a lot tougher the next day. A friend of his is one of my friends on FaceBook. We occasionally send each other messages trash talking about sports and stuff. The friend posted pictures of a recent get together and there were pictures of the xMM and a picture of the xMM and his W. It caught me off guard-it felt like a punch in the stomach. I know I have no right for that to bother me but I can't deny that it did. I ended up deleting the friend from my FaceBook and I sent him an email explaining that I was sorry but seeing pictures like that caused me pain I can't even describe. In order to move on and gain some ground every day, I cannot even have a chance to see those pictures because I know me-I will obsess over them. He emailed me back that he totally understood and he wished me well and told me to hang in there and things will get better. It sounds like such a simple thing that I had to do, yet it represented a little thread that still connected me to the MM. I also deleted all the phone numbers of his friends from my cell phone. Once again, a simple move but one that signified more moving on on my part. I feel strong and unspeakably sad at the same time. I am trying not to make a big deal out of the picture-they were smiling but so were me and my xH before our divorce! I need to stop creating stories out of things. I have made this leap that because I saw them smiling together in a picture, they must be blissfully happy while I am still struggling. Do I have any evidence of this? Nope-just my worst enemy (my brain) working overtime. I asked my good friend (who is brutally honest) what she felt that I needed to work on regarding getting past this. She said that though I am doing much better than I was 2 months ago, she feels like I focus on him too much-what is he doing, how is he feeling, is he thinking about me, does he want to call me, does he regret his decision, etc. And she's right. Though the balance has shifted quite a bit, I still give a good portion of my thoughts over to this man. I am doing all the "right" things-maintaining NC, going to IC, working 2 jobs to stay busy, going out and meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. When will thoughts of him not haunt me so much anymore?
Meaplus3 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Smile, First off congrats on the NC. Your doing a great job and it looks like your taking all the best steps to move past this R. When will the feelings go away? When you feel Indifferent! Healing takes time.. but you will get there. Best wishes. AP:)
Reggie Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Good going on remaining NC. I don't know how long it takes to feel norma or better. I imagine it is not much different than other types of breakups. Heartbreak is one of the worst types of pain. But, now you have the satisfaction of living a life of integrity. Have you had any therapy? Good luck.
Author smile711 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Thanks for the comments. I am in counseling and have been weekly for the past 2 months. I am also on anti-depressants, a move that I fought at first but eventually I realized that I need them at least for a while so that I can get my anxiety, depression, and panic under control. The medicine and therapy have really been a blessing-most days I feel like my worst days are behind me...I hope.
Reggie Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 That's good. I had to take AD's for a while after learning of my XW's infidelity. Took Xanax for the anxiety, too. Thank God we live in an age where these things are available. I think counseling and introspection are very important. These can help you figure out the source of having made this mistake and what you need to do to avoid it down the road. We have all done things we regret. I think those that own their mistakes and try to figure things out are the ones that evolve. Lots of folks are very invested in denying that what they did was wrong. I think it threatens them to admit imperfection.But, we are all imperfect and we hurt others by our actions. All you can do is ask forgiveness and takes steps to walk the right path in the future. I know this sounds hokey. But, in reality, I've found that living my life with as much honesty as I can and striving to be honest all the time, has simplified my life.
jwi71 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I am doing all the "right" things-maintaining NC, going to IC, working 2 jobs to stay busy, going out and meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. When will thoughts of him not haunt me so much anymore? Good. I am struck by something though. You are keeping yourself busy but it isn't enough. Almost as if you are mechanically going through the motions. What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What activities make you forget where you are, what you are doing and the time? I'll go first...school. I love being in school - so I am back going after my third (yikes!) Masters Degree. And, I promise, its an expensive hobby. But it energizes me to no end. I completely lose track of time and place entombed in studies. How about you? I think finding your passions (presuming you lost them) will help the days go by... Contrary to popular belief time does not heal wounds. It is what you do with that time that heals.
wildsoul Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Great progress! You took a stand for your own well-being in response to the photo. Your summary of the situation sounds very clear. I'm proud of you and happy, too. Honey, no one know when you'll be over him, but if you keep up this kind of progress (and not slide backwards) you will be free!
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