vonerik012 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 What exactly do all of you expect to find on her background check? Her credit score? it will say she has a long history of seducing old men at the grocery store and then dating them, then taking their money? She is a murderer? She got a DUI 4 years ago? Is she using him anymore than the cute young girl with lots of college debt going after the cute young guy with a nice car and good job? Who cares, let him have fun.. If he is an idiot, then he will get used and learn a lesson.
You'reasian Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 What is everyone's view on doing background checks on potential suitors? My Dad recently started dating a 30 year old and he is 60+ so naturally it raised an eyebrow on my end. I have not met her (yet) so I've been poking & prauding for information. While I realize he's a grown man and can fend for himself, he is also way too giddy at this stage. Being that his head is fuzzy, I am keeping my eyes open for him. What struck me as odd, are a few things. Age factor combined with how they met and a few other things. She approached him in a grocery store and voluntarily gave him her number after they talked for a bit and after he divulged some personal information on his end. Another thing that concerns me is a major one. She's an aspiring singer and she has a "stage name" and she is currently unemployed. For all we know, she could be one of those women who scans the supermarket aisles for sugardaddies. My dad does not have a lot of money and my concern is that she's going to hurt him and deplete his piggybank in the process. I want to suggest he do a background check just as a precaution but not sure if I should mention it and I know background checks aren't 100% accurate, reliable, etc. well she's an unemployed with a stage name - guess she could call him Optimus Prime or something and they could have this code language between the two of them...
sam light Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 What exactly do all of you expect to find on her background check? Her credit score? it will say she has a long history of seducing old men at the grocery store and then dating them, then taking their money? She is a murderer? She got a DUI 4 years ago? Is she using him anymore than the cute young girl with lots of college debt going after the cute young guy with a nice car and good job? Who cares, let him have fun.. If he is an idiot, then he will get used and learn a lesson. Depends on how honest she is. Sometimes red flags are easy like her age and address history don't fit the tale she told him. A divorce that she has failed to mention and the fact that another man is listed at her current address. If a man his age get used, his losses can't be recovered via years of work. It's a good thing the OP cares enough to check this out.
quankanne Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Who cares, let him have fun.. If he is an idiot, then he will get used and learn a lesson. fun is fun, but there is such thing as elder abuse by someone with bad intentions. And using a senior citizen to finance your schemes is considered abuse: "Financial: e.g. illegal or unauthorized use of a person’s property, money, pension book or other valuables (including changing the person's will to name the abuser as heir), often fraudulently obtaining power of attorney, followed by deprivation of money or other property, or by eviction from own home;" – source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elder_abuse just because OP's dad is older doesn't mean he's not vulnerable, esp. if it's by some sweet young thing giving him attention and expecting things in return.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Thank you to everyone for suggestions/feedback. I did not go through with the background check nor did I suggest it to my father and I did not ask him any more questions but rather listened. He's told me a lot about her since and he's decided to end the relationship, the last straw was when she asked him for $300 for halloween candy. Who the hell asks someone for $300 for halloween candy? This combined with the excessive purchases which he's told me more and more on his own accord and the kicker being, he just told me tonight that the first thing she said to him when they met was that she was "looking for a rich man". I don't understand why he didn't run the minute she said that but he even said it himself, when your caught up in the lovey dovies you don't think clearly. So yes, you do have to exercise control over your feelings, so long as it's not overly contained because then there's no room for it to grow.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 It is a good thing to show interest in what's going on and to have concern for him, just be careful that your concerns and interests are limited to his well being and NOT his choice in who he dates. If he is truly happy and this woman is not just using him, let the man be happy. There are too many people who want to use let their superficial and prejudicial ideas mean the life for everyone else. Happiness is so hard to come by these days, what gives anyone the right to stomp it out because THEY don't like who someone else is dating or married to? DNR
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