BubblyPopcorn Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 What is everyone's view on doing background checks on potential suitors? My Dad recently started dating a 30 year old and he is 60+ so naturally it raised an eyebrow on my end. I have not met her (yet) so I've been poking & prauding for information. While I realize he's a grown man and can fend for himself, he is also way too giddy at this stage. Being that his head is fuzzy, I am keeping my eyes open for him. What struck me as odd, are a few things. Age factor combined with how they met and a few other things. She approached him in a grocery store and voluntarily gave him her number after they talked for a bit and after he divulged some personal information on his end. Another thing that concerns me is a major one. She's an aspiring singer and she has a "stage name" and she is currently unemployed. For all we know, she could be one of those women who scans the supermarket aisles for sugardaddies. My dad does not have a lot of money and my concern is that she's going to hurt him and deplete his piggybank in the process. I want to suggest he do a background check just as a precaution but not sure if I should mention it and I know background checks aren't 100% accurate, reliable, etc.
Konfuzion Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Doesn't sound very good. I guess just tell him to guard his wallet and to have fun with her while shes around.
quankanne Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 as paranoid as this sounds, start keeping a log of the money he puts out, if she hits him up for loans, if he "gives" her expensive things that he really can't afford to give, esp. if he starts being secretive about the relationship. And esp. if he's talking about settling down with her and she refuses to meet the family as an act of respect toward y'all. my dad got tangled up with a woman younger than me (the youngest of the family at 42) and was doing all the above, especially being secretive and argumentive about the relationship when the topic came up. She cosied up to him when my mother was in the nursing home; about the time mom died, this woman had dad eating out of her hand and acting like a rebellious teenager – did I mention he was like 75 when she met him? she agreed to marry him if he'd sponsor her into the country and raise her two kids but refused to meet his family because she was afraid we "would be mean to her" the Mexican consulate gave approval for her to enter the country. He eloped a couple of months after Border Patrol slapped a ban on her for lying on her visa application (said she never applied for a visa to the US before, but 10 years earlier had used her documentation to get a state ID here in Texas). Dad hired an immigration lawyer who said it wouldn't hurt her case if he married the hussy, so they eloped. INS and Border Patrol got involved, her case had a bunch of red flags and within 5 months of their Mexican marriage, INS highly recommended an annullment because she was exploiting him. Duh. marriage annulled in the spring, and he doesn't talk about it at all, though he honestly doesn't know why it "didn't work out." Duh again. so watch them like a hawk – better to be wrong about this woman that to see your dad get sucked in by a con artist.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Thanks guys. I know I'm probably being paranoid about it but its just some of the things he's mentioned that appear to be more and more excessive as far as spending money. Nothing major yet but he's already letting her borrow his car, buying her clothes and other items, things of that nature. I still think he should do a background check but I don't want to offend him by being the daughter who suggests something like that just because he's 60 + and she's 30, etc.
flc Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 30 yrs is a big difference and once the physical attraction wears off a bit I doubt they will find each other interesting. I am 50 and dated a 26yo for a few weeks. It was fun, a bit of an ego trip but in the end we didn't have a lot of common interests. If it lasts at all I would suspect some other motivation on her part.
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Pisses me off this. What do you mean by 'giddy' and 'fuzzy'? Do you mean he's actually got senility problems, or is it just the emotion of the moment? if it's the latter, we all have those in a new relationship.... They're both adults, they can make their own minds up. if he wants to date her, let him. If he wants to give her money, let him. It's his, not yours. This is all based on suspicion, and mistrust. What right are you assuming to be this suspicious? What are you basing it on? If it's for your dad's welfare, I suggest you voice your concerns to him and let him know you'll be there if he needs you. I suspect he'll thank you very much, but might be equally irritated that your thinking has gone that way. If he's happy, so what? leave them be!
quankanne Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 They're both adults, they can make their own minds up. if he wants to date her, let him. If he wants to give her money, let him. It's his, not yours. This is all based on suspicion, and mistrust. What right are you assuming to be this suspicious? What are you basing it on? yes, dad and chicky-baby are adults, but if Dad cannot meet family members in the eye and instead chooses to be secretive about the affair to the point where he's doing things that are out of the norm or dangerous to him, his kids have every right to be suspicious because there are people out there with bad intentions, and who will do their best to exploit someone who is vulnerable, like an old man who wants companionship and doesn't questions when some chicky half his age chases after him.
Lucky_One Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Let's face it - most men in their 60's don't have the physical attractiveness or the sexual stamina to interest a 30 year old. But they usually do have a paid off house and a healthy 401-k (well, before the last month, anyway). I look at the old men at my church or gym or even in the grocery store, and I wouldn't go to bed with them at all. I think that a 30 year old woman who is wanting to date an old man like that is after more than just his brains. I'd check up on her in a heartbeat.
Jilly Bean Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I think you're totally spot on that this sounds suspect. Keep an eye on her!
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Yes Geisha I realize they are both adults. I am not making a big hoo-haa out of it, just being smart/cautious is all. He comes to ME voluntarily at times asking for advice, etc., so I have my reservations when I hear certain things is all. I’ve asked him questions too which I think is perfectly acceptable given I am his daughter (children are allowed to be concerned when it comes to their parents too).
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Bubbly, I think your care and concern are wonderful - truly I do. I'm having problems with my kids right now, and would love to think they'd be as devoted to me, and care enough about my welfare to show this kind of concern.... I guess it's a fine line between care and consideration, and interfering and meddling. I didn't mean to be so hard on you.... I know the age thing is material in your mind, but I also think that I have met some pretty devious 55-year-old women, shacking up with a 6o year-old and out for his money....In other words, it's not always the age of the person, it's their attitude and behaviour, towards others..... Good thing your dad does talk to you. I take it by that then, that he also listens. good job.
2sure Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 She probably is not very interested in him romantically, true. She probably enjoys the clothes he buys her, and dinners too. You state he doesnt have much money, and that is probably pretty obvious - she enjoys the clothes but isnt hoping for a yacht. On the other hand - he probably enjoys the company of a woman half his age. A 60 year old man of modests means does not usually attract much attention. Could it be their friendship is reciprocal? Unless he approaches doddering foolishness, I would let him enjoy himself and reserve judgement on her as well.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Thanks everyone. Geish I was actually thrilled when he told me he met someone even after he said her age, my concern was raised ONLY after he told me certain things that followed. He’s not loaded money-wise (he’s retired), but he told her he is planning on traveling, etc. and that is when things started getting hot & heavy. Its just a new situation for him/me because I’ve never been in the position where he would come to me with this type of thing because I am the youngest daughter and my father always felt like he had to keep me sheltered from the “grown up” stuff.
2sunny Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 do a background check on her yourself. nothing wrong with checking into her history to be sure she doesn't have some major concerns if she's planning to spend time with your Dad. it may cost $50. but totally worth it to find out IF you should be concerned or not.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 this is a hard one.. Eventhough I tend to agree that he's an adult and he can do whatever he wants with his money.. that I have no problem with .. I have a problem if he's too naive to look after his finances and let her rip him off his lifelong savings.. that is NOT good... If I were you it would pisses me off also.. not because I want my parents to leave me something..I don't care, I don't want their money.. but I don't want to be responsible financially if someone would put one of them in the street in the name of 'love'..
vonerik012 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 So are we basically saying women are just scandalous creatures with ulterior motives? When Lizzie whom is 55 or so, is dating 25 yr olds, I never hear "Watch your money" lol. Secondly, mind your own business. The most important thing to men, in one way or another is sex. Your dad is older than you, and much wiser, trust me. He knows what he is doing.If he spends money, let him. He knows what he is doing and getting in to. What else should he be spending money on? Saving it all to give to you when he dies? They are adults. He brought you into this world. What makes you think he needs your approval, or you need to meet her, or you need to approve of her. You are a little girl, not his master. I actually have an attractive female friend who for some reason is attracted to men like her grand pa. Older, robust, etc. Around 55, and she is 28. She told me her problem is they think she wants their money, when she doesn't at all.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 So how much stuff has he bought her? And what does he get in return? The only other adult at that age who's able to score a woman twice his junior is Hugh Hefner, but then again he's loaded. I wouldn't put it pass the woman to be using your dad for the financial benefits. Do a background check on her, and have your dad bring her in for a get together with the family. That way the rest of the family can assess her motives. Also it's a way to test her and see whether she's willing to integrate herself into the family willingly or back out and keeping the relationship quiet.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 So are we basically saying women are just scandalous creatures with ulterior motives? When Lizzie whom is 55 or so, is dating 25 yr olds, I never hear "Watch your money" lol. Secondly, mind your own business. The most important thing to men, in one way or another is sex. Your dad is older than you, and much wiser, trust me. He knows what he is doing.If he spends money, let him. He knows what he is doing and getting in to. What else should he be spending money on? Saving it all to give to you when he dies? They are adults. He brought you into this world. What makes you think he needs your approval, or you need to meet her, or you need to approve of her. You are a little girl, not his master. I actually have an attractive female friend who for some reason is attracted to men like her grand pa. Older, robust, etc. Around 55, and she is 28. She told me her problem is they think she wants their money, when she doesn't at all. hahaha.. that's because I'm smart.. or women are smarter.. we think with the 'right head' hahaha.. If I ever suspect they're in for the money.. I'm out.. (not that I'm flithy rich, but I live well )...
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Von please for the love of God do not mention sex when referring to people's parents, reading that let alone thinking it grosses me out, ewe! Paper, he is letting her borrow his car, buying her outfits, lending her money here & there (she is currently in-between jobs), etc. I mean it's nice that he is doing that but it seems to increase more & more with each passing day. I'm not going to a background check on her, I was only going to suggest it to my father as a "possibility" but I'm not even going to bring it up now. if if he tells me things, I'll just listen. That's all I can do.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Von please for the love of God do not mention sex when referring to people's parents, reading that let alone thinking it grosses me out, ewe! Paper, he is letting her borrow his car, buying her outfits, lending her money here & there (she is currently in-between jobs), etc. I mean it's nice that he is doing that but it seems to increase more & more with each passing day. I'm not going to a background check on her, I was only going to suggest it to my father as a "possibility" but I'm not even going to bring it up now. if if he tells me things, I'll just listen. That's all I can do. If your father confides in you, then the only answer is that he's uncertain himself as to whether the relationship is a good thing or not.
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Von please for the love of God do not mention sex when referring to people's parents, reading that let alone thinking it grosses me out, ewe! And you got here, how.... exactly? With the cabbage-patch dolls? Your parents had sex. So did mine. At least three times. Probably more! Please people, let's not get fastidious about this. Bubbly, what do you think they do, play Canasta?? Come on hun! Get real!! Paper, he is letting her borrow his car, buying her outfits, lending her money here & there (she is currently in-between jobs), etc. I mean it's nice that he is doing that but it seems to increase more & more with each passing day. And what does she do for him, just as a question? Really, honest, I'm just asking. Apart form the obvious which grosses you out. Sorry 'bout that.... I'm not going to a background check on her, I was only going to suggest it to my father as a "possibility" but I'm not even going to bring it up now. if if he tells me things, I'll just listen. That's all I can do. It's natural you care this much for him. I think you'll be bright and brave enough to step in and say something as and when the need arises....
konfuzd Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Is it possible that this girl lacked a father figure in her life, and is seeking that out from your dad? Lending the car, and buying new outfits are things my dad did for me. If your dad is happy and willingly buying her gifts, that is really his business. It's nice to know that he's got family who doesn't want him to get screwed over, but from the information you've given, I don't see any reason to jump to any conclusions about this girl.
Author BubblyPopcorn Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Yes with cabbage patch dolls, I knew it all along.
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I wuv their squdggy noses and cute mouths! (Sorry.....)
sam light Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 one of those women who scans the supermarket aisles for sugardaddies Are they that common at the market? I've never been approached by youngers, only olders. She is almost certainly out to use him but even if she isn't a background check wouldn't hurt. Not much sense talking to a person who is lovestruck so just quietly luanch the investigation and anonymoulsy mail the findings to your Dad. Or maybe mail it to her to let her know someone is on to her.
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