jmartinez2463 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 i am 18 and there's this guy who is about 15 years older than me who i work with at my relatives company and i have completely fallen for him and he knows how i feel through another coworker telling him. keep in mind, he is next in line to own the company under my relative, so this already makes things complicated. all the signs that he likes me are there, we flirt constantly whether it be talking while at work or through texting. the only problem is, he isn't making any moves. i am confused as to whether he really likes me, and its just that the situation is too complicated to act on the way he feels, or if he is just nice to me because my relative is his boss. i am really confused, and if there are any other questions to the situation & you honestly think you can help, please respond to this. i am not here to get criticized for liking someone so much older or whatever. i go through enough of that from my 'friends.'
prettybaby Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would try to take things really slow and keep a cool head about it all, as hard as it may be. You're 18 and in love, and there are a lot of valuable things you'll learn about men over the next 5 or 10 years. If it were a different situation, I'd actually tell you to go for it an have fun. It would be no biggie if it turned out to be a mistake later on. I mean, we all make mistakes, and that's alright. BUT, the work situation seems extremely tricky and it sounds like there could be a lot of power issues mixing up with this. And therefor, I don't think it's a risk you should put yourself into too quickly! Also: are you 100% sure he's single? He's 33. Any ex-wife or children in the picture?
Author jmartinez2463 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 no, he is single, has no kids, and was never married. what do you mean by power issues? i think i have an idea, but im not 100% clear...
prettybaby Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Well, let me first make sure I understood this right: - you work in a company owned by one of your relatives - he's aiming your relative's position as an owner of that same company correct? We have different possibilities here: -1- he's ambitious and somehow hopes that being on your good side will help him get that position in the company -2- he's ambitious, he's gonna get that position anyway, but somehow thinks that getting with you will also add an extra bonus to his social / financial status (since you're from that boss's family) (PS: this of course depends on what kinda business we're talking about. If it's just a small family restaurant, then you may discard this point). -3- getting your attention boosts his ego (you being related to the boss and all) -4- he finds you attractive and is mainly thinking with his lower body part at the moment. (why is he still single? How long has he been single?) -5- he has feelings for you, with no other motives. The impression I get from your writing style is that you guys interact on a regular basis, but don't actually openly communicate on many levels and topics, and so you don't really know him all that well. This is where it's tricky, because without really knowing him on a personal level, you can't be 100% sure about any of the points I mentioned above. So I would first try to dig a little more & get to know him better before pursuing the whole flirting/romantic thing.
Author jmartinez2463 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 the first point was correct, i know he is in line to get that position after my relative decides to retire or whatnot. i forgot to mention, that the relationship i have with this relative is not a very open one at all, and the guy i work with knows this. he knows i am not close to the relative and rarely talk to him. you are right about me not really knowing him on a lot of personal levels. we really have only known each other for a couple of months. i talk to him as much as i get the chance to, and i would like to hope that he enjoys my company and is not merely talking to me for 'getting in good with my family' if you know what i mean. maybe i just need to come to the realization that we weren't meant for each other? its a tough thought... and by digging deeper, how do you suggest i do that? i am a very shy person and although i love talking to him, it is hard because i get so nervous. what should i say?
prettybaby Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Just bring up random topics in your conversations. Hmm, hard to give any specific examples. I used to be the same at your age Hah! He was a teacher, and boy, was he handsome! (the age difference was about the same by the way). Needless to say it never amounted to much. I was just sooo naive and inexperienced, and looking back at it now, I handled this whole thing in such a clumsy way lol I think he was mainly flattered that I acted so lovey dovey around him and I'm sure his ego must have gotten a major kick out of it hahah No hard feelings though. That's what I meant though when I said you're only 18 and still have a lot of things to learn about men, and well, mainly the dynamics of relationships. What works for you and what doesn't. You'll also learn to be a lot more comfortable with yourself and the way you carry conversations with men. There's a lot of topics I would have never dared to bring up back then, but that I'd totally bring up now in an appropriate way. In any case, try to learn more about his background and his life outside of work. Find out what he likes to do, things he doesn't like (hobbies and such can tell a lot about a person), what kind of jobs has he had in the past? And the most interesting part: why did his past relationships fail? Was he cheated on and remained scarred and single from then on? (that's what happened to the teacher I fancied). Every little bit can tell a lot about a person.
Author jmartinez2463 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 thank you so much for your help, i really do appreciate it. its hard to find anybody to help in these types of situations when you don't really trust your own family with the information.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 i am 18 and there's this guy who is about 15 years older than me who i work with at my relatives company and i have completely fallen for him and he knows how i feel through another coworker telling him. keep in mind, he is next in line to own the company under my relative, so this already makes things complicated. all the signs that he likes me are there, we flirt constantly whether it be talking while at work or through texting. the only problem is, he isn't making any moves. i am confused as to whether he really likes me, and its just that the situation is too complicated to act on the way he feels, or if he is just nice to me because my relative is his boss. i am really confused, and if there are any other questions to the situation & you honestly think you can help, please respond to this. i am not here to get criticized for liking someone so much older or whatever. i go through enough of that from my 'friends.' Be careful, there are many people on LS that will quickly label your interest as a predator. Cheers!
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I suspect that he may not be making moves because the age issue creates a moral dilemma for him. That doesn't mean he isn't attractive... perhaps just unsure how it would look if the two of you dated publically. If he's in a position of power at the company... of course this might convolute his feelings further. He most likely doesn't want to be seen as taking advantage or jeapordizing his chances of being "the next in line". Regardless of the fact that you are not close with your relative- they are still your relative- and if your relative were to frown on the age difference, family ties to him, or dating in the workplace.... Well, he may be playing it careful and distant to avoid getting entangled with you. Just after my divorce at the age of 32- I was in University part time finishing a second degree. There was an 18 year old guy that followed me around, wanted to partner up in group projects and flirted with me constantly. I thought he was super hot and he boosted my ego. I was certainly sexually attracted to him- but just kept my guard up and never followed through. I thought about doing it but couldn't bring myself to do so at that time. I just kept thinking about what other people would say about it and that trumped his hotness. In the last three years I have definitely dated guys a whole lot younger- early 20's.... But I think that is because we are not doing so in a public forum like work or school. Which translates to no judgement from outside parties. He definitely has an attraction for you or he wouldn't be texting and flirting. I suspect he is worried how it would affect his ambition. Keep in mind- he may be right to assume that dating you could cause problems for his career. Don't take it personally though- he may be seperating his heart from his head and deciding it isn't a good move for either of you.
Author jmartinez2463 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 thanks so much. your response makes so much sense, and i tried the view the situation from his point of view, and it really does make sense. i could be jeopardizing his job opportunity. it is hard to take it in and realize that we may never be together, and it hurts, but at the same time, his career is at stake and i do not want to be the cause of him getting fired or something like that. thank you.
woodsfield Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 i agree with D-Lish...if he has the hots, it's an inter "office" relationship (potential) and your 18 and he is 33? family company and you're in the family. i know you are young but you can add 2 and 2 together. danger, danger for him...be careful on your end as well. not saying he's not for you, but he is playing it slow....so should you.
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