Peter_pan Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 well yesterday i was talking to a friend about stuff and everything. and he said halloween was coming up and it reminded me that a year ago about that time my life started to fall apart. i let the ex slip away and by xmas that was it, i was on my own she left and wasnt coming back. she had changed. my actions back then before we fell apart where that i didnt care and it was like i was pushing her away. I regret that so much. i wasn't right in the head back then, and i just know she got fed up with feeling un loved and probably feeling like she had to look after me, and that i wasnt independent enough. in a way, i feel like she told me she was going out with this new guy now so that i knew there wasn't a way back to her. yes i do feel i took things and us for granted. if i knew what i knew now i would have changed along time ago. but now its to late, going nc helped her more than it did me. of course it helped me in some form or another but im still hurting. i still think about her. and memories are killing me right now. i feel like i want to contact her and simply ask, where did it all go wrong? why did you have to go into another relationship right away? its not fair. i feel so messed up and i swear im depressed. im going to ask the doctor tomorrow for some tablets, i just cant go on feeling **** all the time. i was doing well for a long time and things started to look good, i got a new job, new friends, new girl. but now im feeling empty again and lost.. looking back, i was really depressed along with anxiety disorder whilst i was with her, and i had it for a very long time i just never went to a doctor to get to the bottom of it or talked to my family about it. im just really sad right now. :( I want to make things right between us. but im even more sad because she is a different girl now, i'll never get back the person i loved. god if i could do anything to rewind the clock and go back to how things where between us . i miss her and her family like crazy. im going to cry now
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