friends with benefits... oh boy :(

[vballtay]

**i now know this is wrong and bad and i most definately won't be doing it in the future but at the time, my 'friend' was so manipulative he made it seem like it was ok.

 

a close guy friend and i figured that a relationship wouldn't work out. but we were still sexually attracted to each other. so one day we decided to do a kind of friends with benefits thing... and at first i was a little reluctant but then i agreed to do so if and only if neither of us were seeing anyone (or else i would feel bad).

 

so we talked about sex (a LOT) and we even almost had a date set where he would come over and we would see what happened. (please don't judge, i am SO ashamed now saying this!) and he always asked me for pictures. every day. and actually the only reason i hadn't was that i had NO time.

 

while still talking to me about what he wanted to do with me and asking for pictures, i realize he became just a tiny bit distant, nothing crazy, he still talked to me a lot, i just realized a small change.

 

i asked him if i could ask him something. i asked him if he would be one of those guys that as soon as they got what they want they would leave and i would never hear from him again, and if we had sex once, would we continue? if neither of us were seeing anyone... and it took him a while to answer but when he did, he was like 'what if i told you i was seeing someone?'

 

i don't understand why he hadnt come right out and told me before then, (i figured something was up when he was being a bit distant-but even then he was STILL asking for pictures and talking about sex with me). he also tells me, when i confront him about his girlfriend, that he was 'never actually going to come over', and how he was 'trying to show me i should be more careful.'

 

why on earth would he lie to me all this time then? he can't deny that he is sexually attracted to me, he touches me and has that look of lust in his eye. is he saying these things to make himself seem like he didn't do anything wrong so i couldnt accuse him of anything? why didnt he come right out and tell me he was seeing someone?

 

so many questions... if ANYONE can help, i am so greatly appreciative... i'm kind of hurt (and i feel SO stupid...wow)

[TigerCub]

**i now know this is wrong and bad and i most definately won't be doing it in the future but at the time, my 'friend' was so manipulative he made it seem like it was ok.

 

K, first of all there is nothing Bad about a friends with benefits relationship, its nothing to be ashamed of BUT...don't start off saying that you were manipulated into it and yada yada...own up to your actions. If that's the route you're taking already, you're not ready for that kind of relationship

 

a close guy friend and i figured that a relationship wouldn't work out. but we were still sexually attracted to each other. so one day we decided to do a kind of friends with benefits thing... and at first i was a little reluctant but then i agreed to do so if and only if neither of us were seeing anyone (or else i would feel bad).

 

IMO, a good FWB relationship is awesome, but I wouldn't carry one on with a good friend of mine, because then things get messy if one person gets more attached than the other. The whole point of a fwb relationship is that both people can separate love from sex and they just enjoy the act - they should have a good chemistry/relationship but I wouldn't do it with a good friend.

 

 

that he was 'never actually going to come over', and how he was 'trying to show me i should be more careful.'

 

That is the biggest load of crap ever!!!

so he's basically saying that he thinks you're an idiot and he's trying to teach you how to be safe from creeps like him by luring you and humiliating you?!

He's only saying that now because you know about the girl he's seeing. And he only told you about seeing someone because you guys are friends and you woulda found out sooner or later.

 

why on earth would he lie to me all this time then? he can't deny that he is sexually attracted to me, he touches me and has that look of lust in his eye. is he saying these things to make himself seem like he didn't do anything wrong so i couldnt accuse him of anything? why didnt he come right out and tell me he was seeing someone?

 

He is attracted to you, he wanted to have that relationship with you, but he met someone and knew that you'd find out sooner or later and so he came clean now. He would have gone through with it if he thought he could without getting 'caught'.

 

For the future, don't do anything you feel is shameful and don't let people "manipulate" you.

[Lizzie60]

How long did the FWB relationship lasted.. how often did you have sex together.. was this a 'one time' deal only.. I'm confused.

[BubblyPopcorn]

I don’t get it. You both verbally agreed to no strings attached sex, under the stipulation that you would only be sleeping with each other, but he has a girlfriend?

 

That doesn't make sense what-so-ever.

 

IF he has a gf (I'm assuming based on what you've written) that he was looking to cheat on his gf by bumping uglies with you and he'd most likely continue to bump booties with you on the side so long as there was an opportunity/environment present to allow it.

 

This has messy written all over it, I'd forget about it if I were you, ESPECIALLY IF he has a gf.

 

Oh and PSS...The whole pictures thing, yeah ok, that clearly has bad intentions written all over it. Tell him to take a picture of his pee pee first and then get him to sign it & attach a fingerprint to it while your at it.

[carhill]

Well, that was a nice experiment. Now move on to something more healthy

 

I will ask one question:

 

I'd love to hear an explanation of how you can be "close friends" with a man (this implies compatibility) and have mutual sexual attraction and, yet, "figured that a relationship wouldn't work out". Please enlighten my ignorant mind

[vballtay]

Well, that was a nice experiment. Now move on to something more healthy

 

I will ask one question:

 

I'd love to hear an explanation of how you can be "close friends" with a man (this implies compatibility) and have mutual sexual attraction and, yet, "figured that a relationship wouldn't work out". Please enlighten my ignorant mind

 

you know, i don't really know the answer to that. why don't you ask him.

[vballtay]

I don’t get it. You both verbally agreed to no strings attached sex, under the stipulation that you would only be sleeping with each other, but he has a girlfriend?

 

That doesn't make sense what-so-ever.

 

IF he has a gf (I'm assuming based on what you've written) that he was looking to cheat on his gf by bumping uglies with you and he'd most likely continue to bump booties with you on the side so long as there was an opportunity/environment present to allow it.

 

This has messy written all over it, I'd forget about it if I were you, ESPECIALLY IF he has a gf.

 

Oh and PSS...The whole pictures thing, yeah ok, that clearly has bad intentions written all over it. Tell him to take a picture of his pee pee first and then get him to sign it & attach a fingerprint to it while your at it.

 

we had discussed this before he got into a relationship. or atleast i thought lol. when he had admitted to being with someone, he said it was new (he asked her out that day apparently? i don't know...)

 

regardless, that morning, the 'day he asked her out', he was still asking me for pictures. so i don't know.

[carhill]

you know, i don't really know the answer to that. why don't you ask him.

No worries. Get him in here and I will

 

Or, likely better, why don't you ask him? No authority here, but I would opine his psychology is part of the maturation process. Good on ya for seeing what was healthy (or not) for you early on.

[BubblyPopcorn]

you know, i don't really know the answer to that. why don't you ask him.

 

Well that would be pretty difficult to do given this is your post. Unless you post his telephone number on here then we could ask him directly.

 

But that would just be downright silly, silly I say!

[vballtay]

lol sorry guys. i was being a bit sarcastic. i have asked him before, but he never really came out with a straight answer.

 

hmm.

[BubblyPopcorn]

Yes I caught the sarcastic undertone

 

There's no straight answer. He's keeping his options open, period.

 

He wants the picture so he can (a) keep it as a momento; (b) show it to his friends; © fondle himself while he looks at it. Seems like normal behavior