Rafa Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 So it's one of those days. This is truly killing me. I need to speak to her. I just came across a picture that she had drawn of the three of us as a family (me, her, and her daughter). I totally broke down in uncontrollable floods of tears. I cannot take this right now. I am dying inside. I am in SO MUCH PAIN, it is overwhelming me. These are such horrible days of my life. I would do anything to speak with her right now... but... I know what everybody will say. I've resisted as best I can lately. last week I had a similar day, and I just sent her a text saying "I miss you x", and she texted back saying "miss you too x". can i take anything from this? It's just that sometimes I get into this kind of almost panic-attack mode. It's frightening, just such a sickening gut-wrenching feeling. I just don't want to get up in the morning, I lie there going out of my mind. So anyway, even though I suspect I know... remind me again, why should I NOT call her today..... (thanks in advance)
lofi_tokyo Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I'm really sorry you're going through so much pain Rafa. Maybe the best idea right now is to get rid of, or hide, all that kind of stuff that makes you hurt. Anything that reminds you of her is going to make problems I think. As for why not to contact her? In your text saying "I miss you" she only said "miss you too" not "I miss you too". She excluded herself from the statement. Keep doing your best to heal, even if it hurts terribly. Seeing her or contacting her and having her treat you anything other than in love will hurt you more I think.
norajane Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 So anyway, even though I suspect I know... remind me again, why should I NOT call her today..... (thanks in advance) Because, IF she answers the phone, nothing she says will be anything you want to hear. She's not going to say, let's get back together. And that's really all you want to hear. So any conversation is just going to bring you fresh pain and more hurtful things to dwell on. Get OUT of the house and leave your phone at home.
Author Rafa Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Thanks tokyovogue and Norajane. i know you are right. I'm having a bad day, and it was all set off by that picture (which i found accidentally). I just sometimes think maybe I could make her remember how much in love we were. But it won't work. If i can just get through this night without calling her then surely I can get through anything. I In your text saying "I miss you" she only said "miss you too" not "I miss you too". She excluded herself from the statement. i never thought of that. Maybe she doesn't even miss me after all What's weird is that I thought that I was doing well. Being strong, being positive, keeping busy, going out, talking to other girls.... and then it just all comes back and hits me again like a sledge-hammer. it's awesome to know that you guys are out there.
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Yup, things like that can just set us back and it makes you feel like you have to start the process all over again. A female who is very close to me, she always tells me like it is straight up "you know, you are being really weak right now and you need to toughen up". At first, I get "pissy" when she tells me things like this because I consider myself to be pretty strong but hearing it flips a switch in your brain and tells you, yeah I am a blubbering mess right now so figure out a way not to be. So no, your not alone. If it helps, draw a moustache & devil ears on top of her head in that picture you have of her.
Author Rafa Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 "you know, you are being really weak right now and you need to toughen up". Thanks BubblyPopcorn. Your friend is right, it's tough love. I need to man-up, pin back my shoulders, and take it on the chin. It was such an intense hour or so of pain. I'm trying, trying, trying to be more positive. Was it Yoda that said "there is no try"?
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Thanks BubblyPopcorn. Your friend is right, it's tough love. I need to man-up, pin back my shoulders, and take it on the chin. It was such an intense hour or so of pain. I'm trying, trying, trying to be more positive. Was it Yoda that said "there is no try"? Yes, tough love. It stings but sometimes it helps to put things into perspective. Oh my little green yoda, yes he is so wise. As is Obi-Wan Kenobi.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I just wanted to say i know what you are talking about with the "panic attack" feelings. When we first actually split up i remember going through the exact same things you are. I would wake up in the morning and feel this panicky feeling like i had to get out of there. I would get up and get the babies dressed and leave asap. It was like this for a couple of weeks. What i think it was, was maybe the overwhelming emotions i was going through, the lonliness, the unbearable pain, accepting its over for me, and everything else that rolls with a broken relationship. It does eventually go away. That panicky feeling eventually goes away less and less. Once in a blue moon i may experience it and if i do i just go for a ride or walk just to clear my head. Facing your pain head on and allowing yourself to feel and cry and just letting it out helps a lot too. What i did to face my pain was listening to our old songs, or driving by places we use to go and just letting it out. I find now at least i can go by there or listen to songs without getting so choked up. The times when i feel i cant handle it (middle of night) and there is no one to talk to (i find sometimes friends can only do so much right?), i hug myself and cry and i pray to God to get me through. It gets me through the hardest hardest times. Its still a struggle but im fighting to keep my chin up and just believing that there is a reason for everything. Sometimes we just cant see the big picture yet.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I also wanted to say that if you do call her you might not get the response you are wanting. And even if you do the gratification you get from it is very short lived. Believe me i know. Leave her alone, let her miss you and think of you. There is nothing worse than silence believe me. If its meant to be SHE needs to do the work in getting you back. I gotta keep telling myself that too...
alwayssme Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 i feel the same way except that i do call him ...beleive me i tried NC, it was hell because i don't want him out of my life...as in for NC making your ex miss you, it didn't work for me. I went NC and didn't see him for a month and it helped him move on even quicker. Before he would tell me he missed me and actually showed hurt about our break-up...Now that's gone too...NC didn't help me, it helped him...i'm still hurting and missing him...i want to call him to because this has really affected my life
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