Agape12 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I stumbled onto this site this morning and am hoping to get some advice on things. My Wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 1.5 of that. We are 24 and 26 (Grew up together and I know that causes its own probelms). At her request we separated yesterday after about a week of her feeling like she wanted out of the relationship. We have a one year old daughter together and a few months ago my wife was diagnosed with depression. After taking the anti-depressants for about a month she stopped two weeks ago because she was gaining wieght from them and couldn't handle that. After a week of being off the meds she had a minor breakdown and then decided she was not in fact depressed just that she had been sad because she wanted out of the relationship. I am willing to go with the separation and I have a hope of getting back together but I understand she needs time to be alone. She is moving back to her moms for now while I and my daughter stay at home. A problem is that about 6 months ago the roof of our house leaked near a drain and caused about 55 thousand dollars damage to my house. My insurance paid about half and I used credit cards and saving to pay the rest. I make enough to pay my house and car payment and still eat but other bills kind of required both of us to stay caught up. We have already talked of her moving back in as a roommate to help make our payments to everything. We are best friends even outside of the relationship but I am certainly concerned that her moving back would cause damage that would make reuniting almost impossible. I guss this massive port is more asking if anyone has stayed as a "roommate" with their ex and how that worked for them. I want my daughter to have us both in her life and that really seems like the best way to do that but I can only imagine that it would cause us both hurt.
Geishawhelk Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Your wife is suffering from post-natal depression, and trust me, this can hit even two years after the relevant child's birth. She can move out and start anew if she wants, but it won't go away on its own. Don't pressure her with regards to anything to do with the marriage (this 'wanting out' is part and parcel of the depression) but suggest she seek counselling or other meds.... It's vital she is looked after, if only for the sake of your little girl. You may find thst if she straightens herself out with this deprerssion, thoughts of the marriage will improve. Maybe not. Cross that bridge when you come to it. I personally would quietly take charge. She's feeling all at sea now, and probably very confused and isolated. Try to get her to talk to someone professional but impartial. Insist she do this for the sake of your child. If the very worst comes to the even worse, you may be entitled to seek custody, because she's not mentally able to take care of the child on her own. I know it sounds drastic, but less than 150 years ago they were still locking women up in mental asylums for post-natal depression.... She has to be shown how destructive this is, but she has to want to do it. This isn't like her, is it? My aunt suffered from Post-natal depression. It's a terrible, terrible form of depression, but it can be helped.
Author Agape12 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 I have made her promise to talk to her doctor again in regards to another kind of medicine and right now it is more important to me that she get help then we "fix the marraige" but its hard to do since she refuses to think she has depression at all. She has convinced herself that she is fine and that she never had it to begin with. Its certainly my biggest concern.
pelicanpreacher Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I stumbled onto this site this morning and am hoping to get some advice on things. My Wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 1.5 of that. We are 24 and 26 (Grew up together and I know that causes its own probelms). At her request we separated yesterday after about a week of her feeling like she wanted out of the relationship. We have a one year old daughter together and a few months ago my wife was diagnosed with depression. After taking the anti-depressants for about a month she stopped two weeks ago because she was gaining wieght from them and couldn't handle that. After a week of being off the meds she had a minor breakdown and then decided she was not in fact depressed just that she had been sad because she wanted out of the relationship. I am willing to go with the separation and I have a hope of getting back together but I understand she needs time to be alone. She is moving back to her moms for now while I and my daughter stay at home. A problem is that about 6 months ago the roof of our house leaked near a drain and caused about 55 thousand dollars damage to my house. My insurance paid about half and I used credit cards and saving to pay the rest. I make enough to pay my house and car payment and still eat but other bills kind of required both of us to stay caught up. We have already talked of her moving back in as a roommate to help make our payments to everything. We are best friends even outside of the relationship but I am certainly concerned that her moving back would cause damage that would make reuniting almost impossible. I guss this massive port is more asking if anyone has stayed as a "roommate" with their ex and how that worked for them. I want my daughter to have us both in her life and that really seems like the best way to do that but I can only imagine that it would cause us both hurt. You really should have sought out refinancing with an FHA 203K rehab loan. This way you would have been able to get all the work done even if your home's value didn't appraise well at a decent rate without stretching yourself thin by putting everything on credit cards.
Author Agape12 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Well, hindsight and all that. Thanks for the info for if it ever happens again though.
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 ....she refuses to think she has depression at all. She has convinced herself that she is fine and that she never had it to begin with. Its certainly my biggest concern. I don't know if you can talk to her family. Emphasise to them that you are not trying to turn them against their daughter - far from it - but could you outline the situation to them, and see if they can nhelp convince her to get professional counselling? Typical. Denial, and complacency. Depression will make you think you are fine - it's everybody else. If she point-blank refuses, and continues to dig her heels in and distance herself in every way, then I'm afraid it's plan B. Divorce and custody. I hope - goodness me, I pray - it doesn't come to that. Honestly I do.
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