candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Okay so after me begging and pleading with my ex to give us another chance and him saying no to it, I went out last night with my girlfriends for a night out. Was having a great time, and then we went to our usual club. Now my ex has only been there once and that was with me, and he doesn't generally go clubbing, least of all to this particular club. He knows I go there most weekends. Lo and behold there he is last night in the club. Seemed pretty sober and was all dressed up (in clothes I bought him for his birthday). Next thing he is standing there in plain view of me and my friends kissing a girl. A tender kiss. Like he used to do with me. To say I feel like someone has reached inside my mouth and pulled everything back out and twisted it and set fire to it and then stamped on it for good measure is an understatement. Why did he need to do that? I wanted us to stay on good terms but now he has completely ruined any chance of that. He ruined my night out, and has made me feel 1000 times worse than I already felt. There was no need for that. He could have just stayed away and gone to his usual hangouts and pulled as many girls as he liked and I wouldn't have had to watch. But no, he just came out and rubbed salt in the wound. I feel absolutely devastated. Why torment me? Punish me? He said there's nothing I could say to change the situation and I accepted that and knew I would have to try to get over him. I was planning to do that in my own space with my own friends, not contact him, and just soldier on. I was doing ok and now he's set me right back. I can't even cry I'm so upset I just feel sick and numb.
Konfuzion Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I am sorry to hear that, what he did to you was totally uncalled for. But at the same time it should help you in knowing that he's the type of person that would do something like that (in other words hes not a keeper) anyway just go No Contact with him and find a new club to go to.
JooLee Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 crap.. what a jerk! did he know you were there n you could see him? its so disrespectful but you know what, now you know what a douchebag he is, do you really want to be with someone like dat? he has showed his true colours. hang on there, it will pass. hold your head up high.
Author candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 I want to text him and tell him how bad that made me feel and ask him to try and stay away from me especially if he's with someone else. It's not fair to flaunt it in front of me. Should I?
Konfuzion Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I want to text him and tell him how bad that made me feel and ask him to try and stay away from me especially if he's with someone else. It's not fair to flaunt it in front of me. Should I? No you will just feed into what he's doing, which is probably what he wants a reaction. Just stop talking to him all together.
Author candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 It hurts so hard though. How can he ever have cared about me if he's doing that? I would never go out of my way to upset him. I was the dumper but had a good reason and he knows it. I haven't done anything bad to him ever. I never would because I love him.
Konfuzion Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 It hurts so hard though. How can he ever have cared about me if he's doing that? I would never go out of my way to upset him. I was the dumper but had a good reason and he knows it. I haven't done anything bad to him ever. I never would because I love him. Ahhhh that makes even more sense you dumped him... Anyway just avoid him and the pain will go away a lot faster than if you remain in contact with him.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 In your OP you said you begged and pleaded to work it out and he said 'no'....then your last reply you said you were the dumper....so you dumped him and then changed your mind? And he said too late? Is that where the begging and pleading started? I'm confused.
wareagle Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 You dumped him!!!! Oh i was feeling bad for you until I read this!!
Author candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 I dumped him because of his partying, one weekend went on for three days and he missed his work, his dad phoned me to find out why he hadn't turned up and I said because he is still drunk. His dad told me to throw him out. I was already thinking enough was enough so I agreed. But I wanted it to shock him into behaving better. Instead he has seemed to be happy to be free. Last week I tried to instigate a meeting so I could tell him how I feel and that I want us to work things out. But he said there is nothing I can say to change the situation and to delete his number. But then why phone me back when I have texted him How are you - could have just ignored me or texted Fine. Why say he'd come over to pick up his mail? Then not show. Why park at the bottom of my road knowing I will be out and about and see him? Why turn up somewhere he knows I will be, that he wouldn't normally go to? Why make such a blatant move on a girl in front of me and my friends knowing someone would see it? I bet his dad never told him it was his suggestion (validation) to throw him out. Now it's me being punished. I love him and never wanted to split up with him, but this occasion he tested my patience too far and I snapped and threw him out. So as it appears he has moved on and is out kissing and whatever else with other girls, what difference does it make if I do NC properly or not? I know he's not coming back. I don't think I could take him back now anyway knowing he has kissed someone else, and so 'lovingly' (that's how it looked). But I want him to know that seeing that really hurt me. It hurts so much my arms and chest are sore, I can't eat, can't sleep, can't even cry. He should know that whatever his intention was it was uncalled for and cruel. I want him to stop tormenting me. No?
Hersheys Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 He's not tormenting you. He's just trying to get on with his life and so should you. I understand what you're feeling right now. I too wouldn't want to see my dumper / dumpee out having more fun than I do. As the dumper, you want him to fight for the relationship and change for the better and now it hurts seeing him moving on with his life instead. Go NC. If you start missing him just think about the reasons why you had to dump him. Seeing him move on so quick to another girl is enough to give you a reason why you made the right decision to dump him.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Wow, classy. I agree that you should NOT show any kind of reaction. I'm sure he's looking for that and would love it. Don't give him the satisfaction. And yeah, someone who would flaunt that in front of your face is definitely not a keeper.
Author candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Well I'm an idiot, I just sent him a text saying how much it killed me to see him with someone else last night. I'm a dick. Just felt so helpless and needed to take some action and it was the only thing I could do. I'm sure it's given him the satisfaction he was looking for. So at least one of us is happy.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Yeah that was bad. I think you just need to chalk up a loss and find a new love. He sounds like a tool anyway. Will be better for you in the end.
smoochie Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 OMGosh this just happened to me last night!!!!! He dumped me. He cheated on my while I was away and told me this outlandish lie to cover it up. I found out and he never admitted me. We hang at the same spot he hosts. I stayed away for a minute and started going back about two weeks ago. The girl he cheated on me with was there with her young daughter. I always sit in the front and he sat in the front towards the side. The girl proceeds to leave her seat, go sit in his lap and begin french kissing right there in front of everyone. I didn't flinch one bit. I know an act when I see one. I was fuming when I finally left to go home but I always keep a poker face. And the best part, the feature act kept giving me shoutouts and read me this beautiful poem. It was about how pretty I am and how much he loved me (this is a famous poem of his...he just asked if he could change my name and be his "poem"). It was great but I still feel like warmed over crap for how he treated me. I know you sent the text but trust me, you will have another opportunity to turn the tables back in your favor. Didn't mean to take up so much of your thread with this....it is just so ironic this could happen to two women in the same night. Good luck.
Author candiix Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Well smoochie I know exactly how you feel but at least you managed the poker face. I didn't. I ended up phoning him crying last night. He claimed he never knew I was in the room when he was kissing her, and that he only went to the club because he thought I WOULDN'T be there. Whatever. So now he's made a fool of me, and I've made a fool of myself back, so if he wanted to make me feel like **** as revenge for me dmping him well he's succeeded. But he's also succeeded in forcing me to move on and at least seeing as I can't bear to look at food hopefully I will lose loads of weight and it won't be long before it's me kissing someone in full view of the nightclub. And I can't wait. x
smoochie Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Well smoochie I know exactly how you feel but at least you managed the poker face. I didn't. I ended up phoning him crying last night. He claimed he never knew I was in the room when he was kissing her, and that he only went to the club because he thought I WOULDN'T be there. Whatever. So now he's made a fool of me, and I've made a fool of myself back, so if he wanted to make me feel like **** as revenge for me dmping him well he's succeeded. But he's also succeeded in forcing me to move on and at least seeing as I can't bear to look at food hopefully I will lose loads of weight and it won't be long before it's me kissing someone in full view of the nightclub. And I can't wait. x He knew you were going to be there since you introduced him to the spot. He was just trying to get back at you for ending the relationship, that's all. I forgot, how long were you guys together? Even the dumper will do stunts like that sometimes. Yeah, it may have stroked his ego because of your reaction but that will pass. You can actually turn the tables in your favor. I may get virtual tomatoes thrown at me for this but give him a call. And explain away whatever you said by being completely honest. Tell him seeing that made you realize you had unresolved feelings for him BUT after thinking about it a few days that you are happy with your decision. Or go NC right away, either one will work. But if you do the first suggestion, go immediately NC after the call. I look at it like this....if my ex's gf feels so compelled to make sure I see them kissing, then she is obviously intimidated. If he feels the need to do the same after her, he is trying to upset me (for some unknown reason). They are crap and classless. Nobody is that in love after only three, almost four months that they just CAN NOT keep their hands off each other...especially in front of the girl that got cheated on. I feel so much better today after talking about it. People helped me see it for what it was, pure evil insecurity on BOTH their parts. I love it. I almost thought about not going back but the hell if I am going to be chased off from a place i like hanging at. Screw them.
kars111 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 He knew you were going to be there since you introduced him to the spot. He was just trying to get back at you for ending the relationship, that's all. I forgot, how long were you guys together? Even the dumper will do stunts like that sometimes. Yeah, it may have stroked his ego because of your reaction but that will pass. You can actually turn the tables in your favor. I may get virtual tomatoes thrown at me for this but give him a call. And explain away whatever you said by being completely honest. Tell him seeing that made you realize you had unresolved feelings for him BUT after thinking about it a few days that you are happy with your decision. Or go NC right away, either one will work. But if you do the first suggestion, go immediately NC after the call. I look at it like this....if my ex's gf feels so compelled to make sure I see them kissing, then she is obviously intimidated. If he feels the need to do the same after her, he is trying to upset me (for some unknown reason). They are crap and classless. Nobody is that in love after only three, almost four months that they just CAN NOT keep their hands off each other...especially in front of the girl that got cheated on. I feel so much better today after talking about it. People helped me see it for what it was, pure evil insecurity on BOTH their parts. I love it. I almost thought about not going back but the hell if I am going to be chased off from a place i like hanging at. Screw them. here is my opinion on this matter. well you dumped him so he is free to do whatever he wants and wherever he wants. Did you tell him when you break up you two have a contract not being involved with someone else or not to show up same places?? His action may not be as classy as sounds if he is purposely kissing a girl in front of you to make you jealous but it does change the fact that you dumped him... I hate to see dumpers acting selfish no matter how bad the other person is. You have no control or say to whatever he wants.
Author candiix Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 So here's the thing. He called me twice yesterday and I ignored it. I was starting to feel better about it because really it made me think well there is nothing to save now so it's game over, move on. And then about 8pm last night my doorbell goes and there he is. He said that he'd interpreted something I'd put on facebook as meaning I would be out of town on sat so he thought I wouldn't be in the club. That he had not set out to pull or to hurt me, he was just having a night out. He said that what I saw was all that happened, and that he;s known the girl a long time and she is fragile just now having just had a shocking bereavement (I know this is true) and it was nothing more than him affectionately comforting to her. He says he is sorry. He says he wants us to try to work things out. So like. What now? I really don't know what to do. Until I this incident I was sure I wanted to work things out too. Now I'm not sure I (or my friends for that matter) can see past what he did in that club. We'd have to take things slowly no matter what, but should I even go there? Maybe there's been too much water under the bridge now? (I say all this consciously trying not to be a selfish dumper!!)
kars111 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 So here's the thing. He called me twice yesterday and I ignored it. I was starting to feel better about it because really it made me think well there is nothing to save now so it's game over, move on. And then about 8pm last night my doorbell goes and there he is. He said that he'd interpreted something I'd put on facebook as meaning I would be out of town on sat so he thought I wouldn't be in the club. That he had not set out to pull or to hurt me, he was just having a night out. He said that what I saw was all that happened, and that he;s known the girl a long time and she is fragile just now having just had a shocking bereavement (I know this is true) and it was nothing more than him affectionately comforting to her. He says he is sorry. He says he wants us to try to work things out. So like. What now? I really don't know what to do. Until I this incident I was sure I wanted to work things out too. Now I'm not sure I (or my friends for that matter) can see past what he did in that club. We'd have to take things slowly no matter what, but should I even go there? Maybe there's been too much water under the bridge now? (I say all this consciously trying not to be a selfish dumper!!) how old are you guys? seems like very immature behavior both sides..sorry! It is up to you getting together! Do you want it? If yes, then I suggest that talk to him and be friends again and talk about your issues without any games. Dont get back together or have sex until you both feel better..it is very new breakup and sooner you guys get back together may not be good! thats all I can say.
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