Capricciosa Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I'm 40, I don't have children and I don't recall anyone every haranguing me about it in the way you describe...but then my feelings about children and motherhood are probably quite different from yours. I was always more ambivalent about it; didn't have that desperate ache to have children that I've heard some women talk about, but wasn't repelled by the idea either. You've put this so well. This is always how I've felt. From my early twenties it was sort of "if it happens fine, if it doesn't fine." I'm not crazy about kids, admittedly, but I don't actively dislike them either. I haven't had a lot of overtly negative reactions to my ambivalence, but there has been some slight disapproval from the parental set, whose choices I support with my taxes. I'm inclined to agree with Kamille. While men will laugh and make the cross sign in respect of "desperately broody" women, the notion of women being desperate for children probably feels like a pretty major trump card...and in that sense, women who are very clear about not wanting children could feel like a threat to that trump card. Very interesting perspective. One less way to wield power over us or to tell us we're worthless when our reproductive years are on the wane. The dawning of the NEW WOMAN. Of course they're attacking. To the OP--my mom had a hysterectomy when she was in her mid 30s for medical reasons. It was pretty brutal on her over-all hormonal-emotional life, not to mention the physical trauma of it. Not a procedure to be taken lightly, though she did seem to get over it in time and had a sex life etc. The pill can also have lousy effects on the hormones, but there's always tube-tying, and other time-honored forms of birth control. No need to do the most extreme thing, though one has to admire the depth of your emotion. Are you even that fertile? Get yourself tested. Maybe a pregnancy would be a long shot anyway.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 If women don't want children I usually don't bat an eyelid, because it's their choice - except for the ex that broke my heart because she decided she didn't want them, that still hurts. Deep down a part of me does think it's a shame when I come across a female I really like who doesn't want kids, purely because I know there's some irresponsible person having one in her place. It makes me sad.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I think it is admirable not to have children these days. Kids are the dumbest EVER . The youth today are a bunch of morons and they are going to grow up to be adult morons. Why put another one into the world for our schools to have to attempt to educate, which is difficult with the bad parents out there. They can't read, write, or do the simplest of math problems. Look at how many kids are in special ed. programs, etc. etc. etc. and scores are so low. The youth of today are just plain stupid! That's the only way to put it! On top of that they are the rudest most idiotic generation ever, caring only about their ipods, PSII, Wii, etc. They couldn't care less about our world. I urge people to stop breeding in general.
Hotel Paradiso Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Ok, so what ARE your exact reasons? As a guy, I was once where you were at, but i've done a hell of a lot of things in my life, and in a way, I see it as shortchanging myself an experience NOT having kids, you know? In my experience, most people who are against it, were raised in a way that their parents resented them, and they don't want to do that to anyone, therefore choosing not to. But, maybe you're different? How about a little more detail?
vonerik012 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I think it is admirable not to have children these days. Kids are the dumbest EVER . The youth today are a bunch of morons and they are going to grow up to be adult morons. Why put another one into the world for our schools to have to attempt to educate, which is difficult with the bad parents out there. They can't read, write, or do the simplest of math problems. Look at how many kids are in special ed. programs, etc. etc. etc. and scores are so low. The youth of today are just plain stupid! That's the only way to put it! On top of that they are the rudest most idiotic generation ever, caring only about their ipods, PSII, Wii, etc. They couldn't care less about our world. I urge people to stop breeding in general. Are you saying your DNA is inferior? lol You, yes YOU raise your child. The youth of today are not genetically inferior to the youth of yesteryear, the parents are either lazy or chasing money.
Hotel Paradiso Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Also, I am up for plenty of other arguments, but the health thing is relatively wrong, unless you truly are working out most every day a week and eating healthy. Anything less than that is 'harming' your body by slowly making it rot. I've seen fit mothers whose bodies looked phenomenal compared to women who never exercised a day in their life.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Are you saying your DNA is inferior? lol You, yes YOU raise your child. The youth of today are not genetically inferior to the youth of yesteryear, the parents are either lazy or chasing money. My DNA is not inferior. Kids really are the dumbest generation ever. They can't read, write, or do the simplest math problems and special ed. is at an all-time high. I don't know the reasons necessarily but the kids in the U.S. are dumber than rocks. Check out the statistics! Ask teachers who have taught for decades how dumb kids are and lacking in the most basic of skills and how it didn't used to be like this! Kids are going to college not knowing how to write a paragraph! There are basic skills writing courses for COLLEGE students now! Yes - you can raise your child, but if you do, put them in a charter school or home school them!
Hotel Paradiso Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 My DNA is not inferior. I teach and kids really are the dumbest generation ever. They can't read, write, or do the simplest math problems and special ed. is at an all-time high. I don't know the reasons necessarily but the kids in the U.S. are dumber than rocks. Check out the statistics! Ask teachers who have taught for decades how dumb kids are and lacking in the most basic of skills and how it didn't used to be like this! Kids are going to college not knowing how to write a paragraph! There are basic skills writing courses for COLLEGE students now! Yes you can raise your child but if you do, put them in a charter school or home school them! It's quite simple. Dysgenics (click for the link) Have you ever seen Idiocracy? It's happening right now. In fact the OP is a shining example of it (an intelligent person intentionally not having their genes pass on due to pragmatism). If you haven't, just watch this tiny clip:
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 That really makes a lot of sense. I actually have that movie recorded from cable and haven't watched it yet.
Capricciosa Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Kids are going to college not knowing how to write a paragraph! There are basic skills writing courses for COLLEGE students now! I agree. I spend 2 hours a week teaching them how to do so. Let's not even get into spelling and punctuation!!! And yes, I teach at a university. They're dumber because somewhere along the line it was decided it was better to teach them self-esteem than to take a red pencil to their schoolwork. Simple as that.
D-Lish Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 "I've been around the world to find that only stupid people are breeding..." That's out of a Blur song isn't it?
MN randomguy Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 "I've been around the world to find that only stupid people are breeding..." That's out of a Blur song isn't it? Flagpole sitter by Harvey Danger Yes, a couple of things, Attractive, intelligent, responsible women not having kids is a shame on a genetic front. I want kids someday. Who are they going to mate with. The children of the retards breeding these days? Its kind of like when Napster took off and all of the music on the radio turned to crap. The only people buying records were those that were too stupid to figure out how to download for free. Since the sexual revolution and birth control the only people having kids are those too stupid to properly use birth control. Next, If you're like, "Oh, I hate the little rugrats" Guys think "damn, Brrr" Its one thing if you're a Nobel Prize winning Oncologist and don't have time or if you have a lifestyle not conducive it would be admirable to be thoughtful enough not to put kids through it. But, worrying about ruining your body you come off as incredibly vain too. As mentioned before, there are many women that have great bodies after the kids. Babies are a good excuse to let yourself go much of the time. BUt, baby or not you're still not going to look like you do now in 40 years, get over yourself. As far as dating, obviously, whether or not a couple wants kids is something that you're going to have to be on the same page with if you want a happy marriage in the long term.
Hotel Paradiso Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Also, btw, this is a more complete clip of it. I tried to edit the other one, but the settings on this forum disallow it : http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=pyVNlvzzSFA And, a photo as another reinforcement of my point: http://img158.imageshack.us/img158/3025/enquirerev0.png
Scottdmw Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Several people mentioned that many women develop a deep desire for kids as they get to 30. If this is at all a genetic impulse, take a guess at what kind of women we're going to see more of in the next generations, as the impact of readily available birth control is fully felt. It used to be people had kids whether they wanted to or not, now only the people that want to are, and pretty soon there won't be any other kind of people left.
Trimmer Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Several people mentioned that many women develop a deep desire for kids as they get to 30. If this is at all a genetic impulse, take a guess at what kind of women we're going to see more of in the next generations... Ones who were conceived because they were wanted, and raised by mothers who had a deep desire to be parents? I'm not sure what other guess I should be making here. Were you making a different point? It used to be people had kids whether they wanted to or not, now only the people that want to are, and pretty soon there won't be any other kind of people left. Again, I'm not sure of your point, unless you are saying we're moving into an era in which children will be raised, more generally, by parents who want and choose to do so...
Scottdmw Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 What I was saying, to be blunt, is that people who choose not to have children are going to weed themselves out of the gene pool. In the future, there won't be any people like that left, everyone will be descendents of those who had a strong desire for children.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 What I was saying, to be blunt, is that people who choose not to have children are going to weed themselves out of the gene pool. In the future, there won't be any people like that left, everyone will be descendents of those who had a strong desire for children. Alternatively everyone will be descendants of irresponsible teens.
StartingOver07 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I agree. I spend 2 hours a week teaching them how to do so. Let's not even get into spelling and punctuation!!! And yes, I teach at a university. They're dumber because somewhere along the line it was decided it was better to teach them self-esteem than to take a red pencil to their schoolwork. Simple as that. Ditto on all fronts! They're dumber because our K-12 schools are doing everything but teaching.
O'Malley Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I think it's about the timing and manner of how you're disclosing this. Being in my thirties and never having felt one pang for motherhood, most men have been accepting of my feelings, even if it turned out that they wanted children themselves. Bringing up children, marriage, cohabitation or your desire for a hysterectomy on first acquaintance is a turn off. More problematic are people who want to pass on their 'superior' genetics (whatever the criteria for that is) and become disappointed when their kids appearance or skills differentiate from what they wanted.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I'm a 27 year old woman who decided many years ago not to have children. As far as I'm concerned, that's it, it's my business, my decision and I will not change my mind - case closed. Not a big deal, right? Not at all. But I hope you find a man that will outlive you. Otherwise you are going to be alone when you are in your elder years.
stillafool Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Not necessarilly. I've never wanted kids and am married and happy. I agree that society does look at you strange when you are a woman who doesn't want kids. I was raised in a happy family and my mother understood my not wanting children. However, my father and brother have always had a problem with me not wanting them. They felt if was unnatural. I think babies are so cute and I do go "ga ga" over them. But, I've never, ever wanted babies of my own. I don't care if I leave anything of me behind when I die. What difference does it make if I leave anything on this earth when I'm gone. I can't enjoy it anyway. I talked to an ex of mine from many years ago. Before he could even ask me "how have you been?" his first question was "Do you have any kids?" when I said no, he was so disappointed. I was thinking "what, do you think my life has been too easy because I don't have kids?" I don't know what the big deal is with wanting kids anyway. I would agree that babies would tear your body apart. I've had too many friends tell me what has happened to theirs after childbirth. I wouldn't opt for a hysterectomy though.
stillafool Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 [quote=Angel1111;1888540 Just as a sidenote, if you really don't want kids, then be sure to really have a great career that you truly love. Because there will come a time when you will feel very out of place if you're not deeply involved with something you truly resonate with. Children do fill a void that we sometimes don't know exists until we find ourselves looking backward with regret. I'd just hate to see you have regrets -- and you most likely will if you aren't living a life you love, or becoming a true expert at whatever it is you do. I don't think if you never wanted kids that later on you're going to look back with regret if you don't have a great career. Suppose you don't want a great career either but you just don't want kids. Maybe you won't need a great career without kids because you won't need as much money. I've never had kids and was never a career woman but I'm happy as can be. I have no regrets about not having kids. Friends my age have kids that moved out and are now moving back home because they can't afford to live on their own. This is after they graduated from college. I say enough is enough already, I would be pulling my hair out. OP can save her money, still have a full life, and plenty of money to take care of herself in old age.
mixwell Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 OP I think it turns guys off because it is human nature for the male to want to produce offspring to carry on his bloodline. We are animals after all and we are constantly looking for the best possible mate to produce our crumb crunchers.. Its nature.. To hear that a female isn't willing to do that could be a huge turn off if that person is interested in more than banging you.. I personally wouldn't get in a serious relationship with a woman who didn't want to have kids.
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