unfinished business.

[juliemanooli]

My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, and it was so unexpected that i took it really hard. 2 days before the breakup we went to Orlando to celebrate his birthday, and everything felt so perfect. So thats why i didnt know that he was gonna end things.

We were so happy together. He was (and still is) the best person i've ever met. So when he said he wanted to be friends, i couldnt believe it.

 

He couldnt even end things himself, i had to drag the words "lets be friends" out of him. It all started when he randomly called me and asked "do you think our relationship was as strong as it was a little while ago?" i was like.. wtf. i told him yes! of course! i didnt see anything wrong. obviously he must have been good at keeping his feelings in. during the conversation, i asked him "what do you really want michael?" and he just kept saying "Idk" He said he wanted what was best for the both of us and that "he didnt know what he wanted", but i could tell that the conversation wasnt getting anywhere. He even said "I dont want you to be without me no matter what my decision is". selfish *******. i still love him though :/

 

He avoided seeing me at school for a week. We were both afraid of running into eachother in the halls. Then one day i decided to text him. I told him that when i agreed to be friends, i actually meant it. None of this ignoring business. he agreed and once again apologized for all he's done. Then, i asked him again why he truly ended things with me. he said he stopped liking me a few days before the breakup. we dated for 9 months. and he randomly stopped liking me for 3 days.

 

and then he says "I'll never know if what i did was a mistake or not, but i want us to be friends"

 

What does this mean?

 

 

so now we're cool, i guess..

Everytime i see him, its a mutual thing. the akward "hello" and whatnot.

But i always catch him staring at me.

I feel as if there are unfinished business between us. Like its not truly over.

I dont believe that he could just end it after nine months and move on that quick.

 

What should I do?

[UnamedSeven]

My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, and it was so unexpected that i took it really hard. 2 days before the breakup we went to Orlando to celebrate his birthday, and everything felt so perfect. So thats why i didnt know that he was gonna end things.

We were so happy together. He was (and still is) the best person i've ever met. So when he said he wanted to be friends, i couldnt believe it.

 

He couldnt even end things himself, i had to drag the words "lets be friends" out of him. It all started when he randomly called me and asked "do you think our relationship was as strong as it was a little while ago?" i was like.. wtf. i told him yes! of course! i didnt see anything wrong. obviously he must have been good at keeping his feelings in. during the conversation, i asked him "what do you really want michael?" and he just kept saying "Idk" He said he wanted what was best for the both of us and that "he didnt know what he wanted", but i could tell that the conversation wasnt getting anywhere. He even said "I dont want you to be without me no matter what my decision is". selfish *******. i still love him though :/

 

He avoided seeing me at school for a week. We were both afraid of running into eachother in the halls. Then one day i decided to text him. I told him that when i agreed to be friends, i actually meant it. None of this ignoring business. he agreed and once again apologized for all he's done. Then, i asked him again why he truly ended things with me. he said he stopped liking me a few days before the breakup. we dated for 9 months. and he randomly stopped liking me for 3 days.

 

and then he says "I'll never know if what i did was a mistake or not, but i want us to be friends"

 

What does this mean?

 

 

so now we're cool, i guess..

Everytime i see him, its a mutual thing. the akward "hello" and whatnot.

But i always catch him staring at me.

I feel as if there are unfinished business between us. Like its not truly over.

I dont believe that he could just end it after nine months and move on that quick.

 

What should I do?

I don't mean to bring any more bad news upon the situation, but he could have found somebody else and decided to degrade what the both of you had together?

 

Its kinda hard to tell with your situation. If he feels that you should be friends with him still, then by all means, play along with this whole thing and see if he comes around. It very well could be that he just wants some space for no apparent reason.

 

Respect his decision and keep as close a friendship you would but don't go over-board with the situation

[ninjaturtles]

I am sorry for the unexpected break up.

 

Your story sounds really similar to mine. Are you in college or between the age 21 and 23? ...or younger?

 

You have come to the right place on here. I understand what you mean about unfinished business....however I must warn you that if you know in your heart, you still love him and want to be with him; then being his friend is not going to work. How will you feel, if you heard he had a new girlfriend in say a month's time? Will you be happy for him? Will you be sad? Of course you will be. My point being that, as long as you have feelings for him, especially strong, raw and fresh feelings, then being friends with your ex is a no no.

 

I know how it feels. You may not want to lose him all, you may think that being his friend will somehow keep you two close to each other. No, it would not. Infact, it will help ease his guilt.

 

Now, I dont know exactly what you want from him or how you are feeling. However, I know for a fact that if you still have fresh feelings for him, you need a clean break from him. you need time away from him, to get over him...to get used to being without him.

 

If you carry on being friends, you will get yourself in the 'friends' zone. One day, you will find out he has a new girlfriend ...how will you honestly feel?

 

As much as you feel like you can handle being friends, trust me it will backfire. I have been there, done that.

 

I was 'friends' with the Ex before my last Ex for a while. Until I realised that he wanted nothing more than friendship and I was only preventing myself from moving on. I finally had to take a clean break, and you know what, he tried in subtle ways to get back with me. Trying to arrange meetings all time, amongst other...however by that time I was fine without him and declined all his attempts. Infact, I even became a bit rude to him at some point, because he just did not get the point- which was that I was not interested in him ANYMORE.

 

So, hun, I would advice you to avoid being friends with your ex. I am not implying you should keep malice or anything, but for YOUR own sanity, you need to stick with your REAL friends, and get a clean break. Infact, this may allow him miss you etc.

 

Keep posting on here.

 

How are you feeling today?

[UnamedSeven]

Ninjaturtles is right. In even just a month, if he bounds to get a new girlfriend, and you are still his friend, then he is willing to go to you for advice or anything. If you have the heart to put up with him having somebody else in his life, then its only hurting you more on the inside.

[MichiganMan222]

I don't mean to bring any more bad news upon the situation, but he could have found somebody else and decided to degrade what the both of you had together?

 

 

That's the first thing I thought of when reading this It may not be the case, but with such a quick turnaround, you have to wonder if he's at the very least interested in someone else and decided to pursue her. Hope I'm wrong.

[juliemanooli]

Unamedseven and everyone else,

 

That was one of the first ideas i got about the sudden breakup.

But the thing is, 2 days before the breakup when we went to orlando, he was soo happy.

the entire week before the breakup, he showed no signs of being unhappy. The only day he was being weird was the day of the breakup. He couldnt have found a new girl that quickly and decide to end things that fast, i wouldve noticed. I dont know what caused him to "fall out of love" in me, but I would deffinitely know if there was another girl involved in changing his mind. Unamedseven and Ninjaturtles, i couldnt agree more with the both of you. maybe he does just want his space. Does this mean i should ignore him completly? I have to admit, I want to be friends with him only so that i'd be able to have him in my life still. But obviously i know now that it would hurt me even more and allow him to take advantage of me.

 

Ninja turtles, i can tell you know how to handle a problem like this. How do i feel about him? I am not over him, nor will i be anytime soon. I guess alot of it has to do with the unexpected break up. I was so happy, and getting dumped never stood in my mind. It was like a slap in the face. My feelings for him are still insanely strong, probably even stronger now with the fact that he's no longer mine anymore. My friends have been very supportive since the day of the breakup. They've kept me out of the house and away from anything that reminds me of him. Yet somehow at the end of the day, i still find myself back to being sad and miserable. you are right. I dont want to be friends with him. But i dont want him to be out of my life either

 

 

Thankyou for all your responses, this has helped me soo much. thankyou thankyou thankyou.

[MrMe]

Um...i cant really give you any advice..

Except the exact same thing happened to me about a week or two ago.

My (now ex)gf did the same thing that your bf did...

[UnamedSeven]

Unamedseven and everyone else,

 

That was one of the first ideas i got about the sudden breakup.

But the thing is, 2 days before the breakup when we went to orlando, he was soo happy.

the entire week before the breakup, he showed no signs of being unhappy. The only day he was being weird was the day of the breakup. He couldnt have found a new girl that quickly and decide to end things that fast, i wouldve noticed. I dont know what caused him to "fall out of love" in me, but I would deffinitely know if there was another girl involved in changing his mind. Unamedseven and Ninjaturtles, i couldnt agree more with the both of you. maybe he does just want his space. Does this mean i should ignore him completly? I have to admit, I want to be friends with him only so that i'd be able to have him in my life still. But obviously i know now that it would hurt me even more and allow him to take advantage of me.

 

Ninja turtles, i can tell you know how to handle a problem like this. How do i feel about him? I am not over him, nor will i be anytime soon. I guess alot of it has to do with the unexpected break up. I was so happy, and getting dumped never stood in my mind. It was like a slap in the face. My feelings for him are still insanely strong, probably even stronger now with the fact that he's no longer mine anymore. My friends have been very supportive since the day of the breakup. They've kept me out of the house and away from anything that reminds me of him. Yet somehow at the end of the day, i still find myself back to being sad and miserable. you are right. I dont want to be friends with him. But i dont want him to be out of my life either

 

 

Thankyou for all your responses, this has helped me soo much. thankyou thankyou thankyou.

I can never forget what happened to me just this past summer. I have posted this once or twice, but haven't added these details.

 

Over the summer, i met a girl through my High School's Play that i was helping out with. When i joined, there were only a few weeks left, and i had to act fast. Because, after the play was over, we wouldn't see each other since she goes to a separate school, and is 2 years younger than me We became bf and gf quickly but only stayed that way for a week

 

The night of the last showing of the Play, there was a party that me and her went to together. It was a cast/crew party and we spent the whole night together. Before she left, she wouldn't let go of me for 10 straight minutes until she had to go. We agreed that we would still be as close as ever. I never saw her that Happy just that night.

 

The next day...she broke up with me and told me a lie that i, still, don't know the truth behind. I was never so heart-broken and she told me that she loved me. Turns out, one of her friends told me a month later that she just wanted to end our Relationship.