EmperorR Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 dont break nc, i was dumb and i msg a mutual friend yesterday and they just had to tell e my ex is dating someone knew, ya it hurt even though shes a cheater. But i still havent talked to her in 29 days and I won't and now next I wont contact the mutual friends, im about to rip up and throw away the cards and pictures finally admitting its over:)
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Gah! I'm having one of those moments where I cannot accept its over! Bleugh! I mean, I know its over, I do. But every now and then I just have these floods of sadness, like waves that just hit me, and they pass eventually but ICK. So not happy right now. I think the big thing today is, saying goodbye to pretending I'll get a second chance. It wont happen! Even if he comes back, I wont be able to go back to him because he cheated emotionally and moved on to another woman! I know there are better things in life coming, I'm actually quite excited, and generally, I'm happier about my future now that I'm not dating my ex than I was when I was dating him. Its like... a lot of the things I wanted out of life I couldnt have while dating him, so its AWESOME having that freedom. But still, saying goodbye forever is hard. Its also hard because him and I were in a LDR for over two years prior to our break up, so a big big chunk of our relationship was long distance, and his whole fantasy was us FINALLY having a normal relationship. I guess he realized it wasnt about him and I so much as him and SOMEONE. That hurts a whole bunch. What we talked about so often he finally has - without me, and with another girl. He wasnt a catch. I don't want a relationship now. I'm not "in love" anymore. I dont even know if I'd be attracted to him. But I still feel so much pain now and then. WHY!? ;p
mendsley Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I am so torn with NC. It has been 4 weeks since she left with the kids and at first I was trying what ever I could to let her know how we need to be together. Well as you can imagine that got me no where but, we have children together so NC is difficult in my situation. The last couple of days I have been working hard to not talk to her but I call my kids almost every night and she always wants to talk after the kids are done. I guess that might be a good thing but there is no "I miss you" or "I love you" or "maybe I made a mistake". I have a deep gut instinct where our relationship is going, no where. How do I know NC is what I need? I feel she is just being nice to me becuse I have no one around, just the demons in my head.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Thats really rough Mendsley. If its any consolation, you have us here at LS. We may just be an online community, but if you ever just need to let it out, feel free to do so. How old are your kids? Is it really necessary you have long conversations with your ex-wife? Maybe if you can't avoid it, keep conversation to a minimum. Also, if you really need someone to help you with your inner demons, maybe go to counseling? It may be nice to have someone to just hear you out, and someone with an objective view of things.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 BlahrjkerhAF I hate not knowing how his life is going. Its TOO strange. I browse the web looking for an answer, but its never going to come. The answer is... how is he doing, whats he up to... but if i found out, I'd be breaking NC, and whats more, it would end up breaking my heart. Ick. Its so weird going from knowing everything about a person to knowing nothing. But, c'est la vie! Goodnight LS
9Lives Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I understand how you feel. I have not talked to my ex and I miss him soooo much. He called last monday but I did not answer and he did not leave a message. I am trying so hard to accept it is over but I still have hope and sadness in my heart cause I love him. Even though he is not what I need nor or maybe ever. I wish we could work out our differences. But I now know I need to work on completely letting go. I just dont feel like it is really over...but it probably is. It has been almost a month.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Sorry to revive my old thread! I've decided I'm going to keep this alive forever (or as long as I need it) to keep from speaking to my ex. I keep wanting to call him. But I wont. No point. The weekend has been amazing for me, don't wanna ruin it. I know I made mistakes, he made mistakes, we wernt compatible. I know, given these reasons, its GOOD hes moving on, and I should be too. Still, he replaced me and it hurts. I know right now he does not miss me. I know that by continuing to contact him I have damaged my chances at him being my friend. It sucks. Oh well. That was my choice to be crazy, to keep trying to subtlety make him miss me. My meddling has only driven him away and now I need to stay away. I don't wanna turn into a crazy ex. ****ty ****ty ****ty.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 Eww tempted to look at his facebook/myspace, but wont! Need to do homework, and need to get over him!
pushforward Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Eww tempted to look at his facebook/myspace, but wont! Need to do homework, and need to get over him! Don't do it. I accidentally saw my ex's myspace. I was browsing an old friend's myspace. Didn't even know they were friends. Saw her comment. Recognized her. Closed everything immediately. Felt my stomach churning and felt my heart dropping. Had a panic attack and fought it off. I'm going nuts right now because my bday is in 7.5 hours. Finally 21.
Peter_pan Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 sorry to hear that if our stomachs churn like that does that mean were not over them? do we want them back?
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 sorry to hear that if our stomachs churn like that does that mean were not over them? do we want them back? I guess it depends on how much of a flip our stomach does. I'm over my ex ex, but I still get kinda "blah" when I see hes dating someone new. I don't really care though, whatever, you know? I don't really feel sick or depressed, just "blah". I think you can tell whether you're over someone or not - the big kinda stomach flip? Probably means you're still into the person.
hereandnow Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Oh man the physical symptoms. The worst for me is the nervous energy. I wake up a lot of days and my heart is just pumping away. It doesn't seem to abate much throughout the day. 3.5 weeks since break. The stomach thing still happening too. No big flips anymore, but I really don't have much appetite. Oh well, makes it easier to eat the way you should I guess!
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I feel bad making so many threads! This isnt about not contacting my ex so much as missing the little things he did. I miss em tons. I miss his home. I miss his parents. I miss our adventures. I miss a lot. But, I do not want him back. It feels good to say that. I miss him terribly, but only in small pieces, like little bits of fabric that made up a whole blanket... I dont miss the blanket, I just miss some of the strings. Ha! I wish him all the best. He was a good guy. I wish I hadn't been so heartbroken out of the gate. I wish I had been more accepting of the breakup. Not really because I think I SHOULD have been composed - but I think all my suffering hurt him and annoyed him, possibly even confused him. I miss ya Jon. When was it last that we had a great talk? Since before I left to Japan, a month before our breakup. You've been gone for so long now, but I sometimes, the echoes of the past almost seem real now.
alwayssme Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Lately I have been thinking about my ex alot..(what a surprise lol ) I heard from friends he has been having some problems and feel sad that before I was always there for him and now he completely cut me out of his life. I wish I could call him and say "I miss you" I'm not even thinking about "being with him" I simply miss his for the person he used to be and for the great friendship/relationship we had. It hurts me to have him out of my life. We left things on good terms but we're not talking anymore. Break-ups suck cause you lose so much all at once. It makes me sick how two people that were so close for so long, can become strangers. I miss him so much! It's so cold, we used to always cuddle and winters were great. Now they are just cold. But no matter how much I miss him, I'm not contacting him.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 Lately I have been thinking about my ex alot..(what a surprise lol ) I heard from friends he has been having some problems and feel sad that before I was always there for him and now he completely cut me out of his life. I wish I could call him and say "I miss you" I'm not even thinking about "being with him" I simply miss his for the person he used to be and for the great friendship/relationship we had. It hurts me to have him out of my life. We left things on good terms but we're not talking anymore. Break-ups suck cause you lose so much all at once. It makes me sick how two people that were so close for so long, can become strangers. I miss him so much! It's so cold, we used to always cuddle and winters were great. Now they are just cold. But no matter how much I miss him, I'm not contacting him. Its so hard, isn't it Always? Though I now understand my ex and I will never get back together, I long to take care of him. Despite all I have said, and all that has transpired between us, I always, ALWAYS, saw the good in him, I always wanted him to be happy, and I encouraged him to follow his passions. Today, him and I can't be friends. He is not playing the part, and to be honest, neither am I. I'm still hurting. Not deeply, not... romantically - the romantic love is all but evaporated, but I still am too wounded to talk to him. He, well he is probably to.. happy! Happy because his life is moving as he wants it to, for us to play friends. I am no longer a key player in his life, nor is he mine. I will not contact him, not now, because it wouldn't make sense to. In a few years... I probably still wont. If he ever needs me, he can call me. When we broke up, he cried saying he was afraid of losing me. I told him I could not be his friend, but I would always be there for him. I suppose that is my silent promise. Should he call me years from now and need help, I will do my best to support him, but I will not contact him nor will I seek out his heart. Its sad in some ways, but happy in others.
hereandnow Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Though I now understand my ex and I will never get back together, I long to take care of him. Despite all I have said, and all that has transpired between us, I always, ALWAYS, saw the good in him, I always wanted him to be happy, and I encouraged him to follow his passions. I can really relate to this. I know my ex was going through some pain and confusion right around the time we broke up, it's a bad time of the year for her. She told me about some of it the last time we met up and I just wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but that's not my job anymore. That hurts a lot.
alwayssme Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 hi tokyo... we are doing much better now than at the begining but of course it still hurts. i read your other posts and you two were long distance right? for how long were you together? The thing with me and my ex is that I spent so much time with him for two years every day. I still love him and can't imagine being with someone else. I'd rather be alone right now. I'm okay with that. I still miss him although I know he's not at home thinking about me, at least not as much as I do. He has moved on but he knows I love him. I don't know if we're ever going to talk again but I hope we do. Love is a weird thing! First time I have been in love, I have liked before but never loved like this.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I can really relate to this. I know my ex was going through some pain and confusion right around the time we broke up, it's a bad time of the year for her. She told me about some of it the last time we met up and I just wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but that's not my job anymore. That hurts a lot. I think if you can let go of being with her, maybe you can still be there for her if she needs someone. Sometimes love has to extend beyond your own personal needs and you need to just step outside your own emotions to help others. That being said, if you are not ready to do that kind of thing, it cannot be forced. For me personally, my ex does not need me at all right now. Maybe he never well. I see myself as just being loyal in his shadow... unless he needs me, I plan to be my own person, he may never need me. Maybe he will, if he does, he knows my number. hi tokyo... we are doing much better now than at the begining but of course it still hurts. i read your other posts and you two were long distance right? for how long were you together? The thing with me and my ex is that I spent so much time with him for two years every day. I still love him and can't imagine being with someone else. I'd rather be alone right now. I'm okay with that. I still miss him although I know he's not at home thinking about me, at least not as much as I do. He has moved on but he knows I love him. I don't know if we're ever going to talk again but I hope we do. Love is a weird thing! First time I have been in love, I have liked before but never loved like this. My ex and I dated 2.5 years, almost all of which was a LDR. Honestly, to me it does not seem that crazy, but after the break-up, SO MANY PEOPLE told me they were amazed we had lasted as long as we did, being in college and in a LDR. We saw each other about once every month and a half. Sometimes long, not really ever shorter. 4-5 days at a time. We talked every day though, and he called me EVERY night. Every night. Even if he had to stay up till 2am waiting for my drunken ass to stumble home from a friends birthday party. ;p To be honest, I've never had a non long distant relationship. He was my first love, my first real boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything except second base because some guy got there with me once but... thats another story (lol!). I guess he wasn't my first husband ;p dur! Anyways. I can't compare to a normal relationship because I just don't have the knowledge. Therefore its kind of hard for me to say if our relationship was super close, if I was really dependent on him or not - all I know is I loved him a ton, he was my anchor in life, and yeah! My world was filled with bits of him.
crazysnail Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 I've got some questions about NC. Is it possible that there are different levels/degrees of NC? Or does NC mean just that - nothing. 1. I met my ex at church and bcos he and I still go there we would sometimes bump into each other and nod/say hi if we make eye contact after the service. Is this breaking no contact? Even if we just say hi and don't talk. 2. We haven't talked to each other since he broke up with me (2 months ago), then on my birthday a few weeks back he texted me very briefly to say happy birthday. I messaged him back just saying thank you. Does this mean he has broken NC? After that again no more contact between us and nothing from him.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 I've got some questions about NC. Is it possible that there are different levels/degrees of NC? Or does NC mean just that - nothing. 1. I met my ex at church and bcos he and I still go there we would sometimes bump into each other and nod/say hi if we make eye contact after the service. Is this breaking no contact? Even if we just say hi and don't talk. 2. We haven't talked to each other since he broke up with me (2 months ago), then on my birthday a few weeks back he texted me very briefly to say happy birthday. I messaged him back just saying thank you. Does this mean he has broken NC? After that again no more contact between us and nothing from him. I think sometimes complete NC (as in not even looking their facebook/myspace, old pictures, momento's etc) does not work for everyone. From the sounds of it you are doing the right kind of NC for you. Its pretty impossible to erase a person from your life when they go to the same church as you. As long as you are keeping things to a minimal (which it sounds like you have), I would say you are doing NC very well. The ultimate goal of NC is to help you heal. I suppose it does not matter how strictly you follow NC so much as the end result - you moving on.
Jolie76 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 BlahrjkerhAF I hate not knowing how his life is going. Its TOO strange. I browse the web looking for an answer, but its never going to come. The answer is... how is he doing, whats he up to... but if i found out, I'd be breaking NC, and whats more, it would end up breaking my heart. Ick. Its so weird going from knowing everything about a person to knowing nothing. But, c'est la vie! Goodnight LS The hardest part for me is the myspace thing to. You just have to not do it. Trust me. I know you have to let go of Hope but deep inside I think we always carry it with us. It may be buried and we move on etc, but none of us are God and can't see the future, there is always a possibility the person could be back in your life, its just up to you or US to make the decision if its right for you. But the point is to move on with your life and accept that their gone, and be realistic I guess. No Myspace, when you want to go there use a rubber band and snap it on your hand it will hurt but seeing his page and his girlfriends comments and so on will hurt more trust me.
EmperorR Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 blah right now would have been 3 years and a month, i just want to text like HEY but F*(W she already has a new man, damn the cheat, stays strong
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 Are ya talking about the same guy she left you for Emp, or someone else?
EmperorR Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Are ya talking about the same guy she left you for Emp, or someone else? she cheated on me with a guy in europe, came back and dumped and me said she wanted to be alone, a week later met a guy from school that she has butterflies for, and now there dating. With the luck I have they will probably get married and have 4 kids:laugh: I'm pathetic I just prank called
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 Its kinda funny that you prank called. ;p Its not pathetic just crazy!! She was engaged to you, right? This is clearly a rebound relationship, so try not to take it too personally. I think... when people go into rebounds, sometimes its because they miss the person they dumped an incredible amount, and needed to fill the void. Maybe you two were not right for each other - if she cheated, there must have been problems, at least on her end, but regardless of being compatible or not, she loved you and you filled a big space in her life. Now, shes on the rebound. It hurts but... its most likely because shes trying to fill the space of missing you. Sometimes, rebounds can last years. Sometimes, rebounds turn into meaningful relationships. It depends on the people in them. I'm sorry you're in this situation Emp. You'll get stronger.
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