Blue Speckled River Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Hi everyone I just joined up here because I decided I needed some advice and after lurking, I thought a few of you may be able to help. I'm a 19 year old girl. My boyfriend (also 19) and I have been together for two years. We have a long distance relationship (he lives about 6 hours south of me, in SD). About a year ago, we broke up on good terms for a few weeks, then got back together. We broke up for a lot of reasons, mainly from outside stress factors and not quite sure what direction either one of us were taking. He is really the sweetest guy ever. A very rare find in today's world. He is very in love with me and I know I'm very fortunate. We are a lot a like, we finish each others sentences. I've been told we're "perfect for each other" multiple times by other people. The crazy thing is, I'm thinking about breaking up with him again. I love him a lot, but am beginning to think maybe only as a brother or best friend. I don't know what's wrong, but I can't bring myself to even hold his hand. I don't really like hugging for more than a few seconds (he'd hug me all day if I let him) and and we've never kissed. He wants to kiss me, but I've just never been "ready." His personality and everything else about him is what attracts me. Not his looks so much, though other girls think he's handsome. And I know looks might sound shallow, but I think it's an important factor in this situation. ...AND this is the only relationship I (or him, for that matter) have ever had, so it is just extra confusing. So I've started to think that maybe I should see some other guys and try to find out if this problem with hugging/kissing/hand holding follows me or if this relationship in particular just won't work. So what do you people think? Would it be good for us to see other people?
Geishawhelk Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Yes. You clearly love him, but you're not IN love with him. If he's not aware, i think it important to talk to him about this. And yes, I think it sound to see other people.
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 And yes, I think it sound to see other people. Seconded and motion carried... OP, I know what this feels like. It's like you want to be with him but just not in *that* way. Be aware you can have such deep and meaningful connections to people without it being a "complete" sexual and spiritual union. That's healthy. Talk to him about it. Accept his reaction. Your feelings are valid and, if he's the great guy you say he is, he will come to accept them, and you. Perhaps, in your future, you can resume that friendship you so cherish, but with both of you on the same page. Anything is possible
Author Blue Speckled River Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Yeah, I kinda think you're both right and this is what I think I'm going to do. But I would still love to hear other people's opinions and advice, if anyone has any. Thanks to those who've responded!
forrest Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 so wait, let me get this straight. You've "dated" this guy for 2 years and have yet to kiss? Am I understanding that correctly?
Author Blue Speckled River Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 so wait, let me get this straight. You've "dated" this guy for 2 years and have yet to kiss? Am I understanding that correctly? Well, yeah, which I know is weird. But part of that is just because we weren't trying to rush anything physical because we're both sort of the "wait till marriage" types. But even I realize that two years is way too long. My bf just seems to think it'll get better and I'll come around eventually. He's too optimistic for his own good, I think.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 If you have dated this guy for two years and have yet to kiss, there is definitely a problem. It is possible to care deeply about someone, even love them and feel totally connected to them, without feeling a strong sexual attraction. You don't want this person touching you at all. How can you continue this? He is far away, so that should make the break up a little easier.
prettybaby Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Well sounds like you need to break up with him. There's no pretty way to put it. You're not physically attracted to him, and that's a big problem. I also don't understand how you 2 are calling this a relationship if you've never even kissed in those 2 years. What exactly makes this different from friendship? Holding hands? (and don't take this the wrong way, I'm honestly just trying to understand). I think you're both too young to get stuck in a relationship you're not 100% satisfied with. I'd try to break up smoothly and stay in good terms if possible, I mean, he could always remain your friend if that's okay with him.
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I was in a RL with someone years ago and when I first met him, I was attracted to him physically but I did notice he had a little bit of a beer belly and he was very hairy chest-wise (I prefer no hairy chest). But, I liked him so much that I grew to like the extra belly & I'd grab onto it when we'd lay around watching tv or sleeping or something. We broke up after several years but for me, I never thought to break up with him over those two items when we were together, just something that never crossed my mind once I got to know him. So I think physical attraction can grow over time but there has to be some level of attraction there initially.
Author Blue Speckled River Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Okay, guys. Thanks. I think you're all right and after a lot of thought (among other things), I've decided we need to break up. And we are actually going to unexpectedly see one another at an event this weekend. So this is the time.... Thanks!
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