muse08 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 so this guy i went out with comes to visit me and meets me in person for the first time a month ago. we were supposed to do dinner only! but we were both pleasantly satisfied with one another and he takes me to dinner, then suggests a movie so we do that. we enjoy our time together thoroughly, i.e. conversation and flirting. it's late after the movie and we're both tired. he lives 3 hrs away. so i let him stay over. we ended up spending 3 days together! we were really into each other and weren't too shy about it. but we didn't go all the way...we both want to wait until we have made a more serious commitment to one another. and he says he doesn't want to have to wear a condom when we have s3x. anyway,on his last day he looks reluctant to leave. [mind you he bought himself a shirt once he got to my city. i was wondering why. and he sort of keeps it off to his side/kind of behind him, when we met and hugged.] so when he gets ready to walk out of my house on his last day, he slowly and thoughtfully takes the shirt off and says he wants to leave it here with me. so he walks back to my room and puts in my closet. he didn't say why...i didn't ask why. it was kind of strange, but it was cool with me at the same time. so now i wonder why would a guy leave an item of clothing openly like that...? any meaning to it. of course i like the guy and want to see him more, but not sure if i ever will for other reasons...(different story!)however, he came back to visit 2 weeks later and didn't even ask about the shirt... ...can i get some feedback.
Geishawhelk Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 .....and he says he doesn't want to have to wear a condom when we have s3x. (I'm sure ou discussed this in more detail, really, but...) therefore he expects you to deal with contraception? Not sure I'm really comfortable with the feeling I'm getting here... ...anyway,on his last day he looks reluctant to leave. [mind you he bought himself a shirt once he got to my city. i was wondering why. and he sort of keeps it off to his side/kind of behind him......] ....he slowly and thoughtfully takes the shirt off and says he wants to leave it here with me. so he walks back to my room and puts in my closet. .......however, he came back to visit 2 weeks later and didn't even ask about the shirt... ...can i get some feedback. You're right. It's definitely weird... Are you telling me he bought it, wore it, then left the shirt he was wearing all day, with you, or he bought a new shirt, changed into it and gave you the one he'd been wearing....? It's one of two things: he either has someone at home who might detect you on his clothing and he dioesn't want that.... or He actually thinks that it would be terribly sentimental of him to leave you his shirt to remember him by, and as a reminder of your time together. Which, together with the condom thing, strikes me as being self-centred and arrogant. But I could be wrong. I'm as perplexed as you are! 'Course, you could just try asking him why he doesn't want to wear a condom (making you responsible) and why he left his shirt..... I'd be grateful for some insight!!
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 He's good Is this relevant? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165526/ I think it's time for you to visit him. If you have, tell us how that went...
bobdole Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I've had girls ask me for something that "smells of me" to keep while I'm away - a shirt, pillow case, something with my cologne scent on it (spray her stuffed animal). Maybe he thinks you desire something similar? I've never given anything like this unless asked directly though.
prettybaby Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 What a weirdo. That would be a turn off for me, and I'd feel like he's trying to impose himself in my space. My house is sacred, and it would take more than 3 days for me to emotionally accept that. It would also take a LOT longer for me to accept no condoms. Honestly, what a weirdo.
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 "I'm sure ou discussed this in more detail, really, but...) therefore he expects you to deal with contraception?" "Are you telling me he bought it, wore it, then left the shirt he was wearing all day, with you, or he bought a new shirt, changed into it and gave you the one he'd been wearing....?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thanks geisha. regarding the condom, he said he was ready to start having kids...never said anything to me about birth control. but we haven't had sex so that's a non-issue right now. regarding the shirt. yes he bought the shirt once he got to my city. it was raining that day and the shirt got wet damp right b4 we met up. yes he left that shirt at my spot.
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 He's good Is this relevant? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165526/ I think it's time for you to visit him. If you have, tell us how that went... yes carhill, it's relevant. however, other things have transpired since that post. you should check this one out: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t166039/ visiting him is not happening any time soon. he's been contacting me since, to get a response from me i guess. i finally responded w/a short one liner just 2-3 days ago. very unfortunate situation...
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 What a weirdo. That would be a turn off for me, and I'd feel like he's trying to impose himself in my space. My house is sacred, and it would take more than 3 days for me to emotionally accept that. It would also take a LOT longer for me to accept no condoms. Honestly, what a weirdo. LMAO,you are funny and very blunt @prettybaby...i'm laughing b/c i thought the same thing about the shirt and condom, but in these words: "...the hell...?nobody asked you for a shirt, lol. u acting like a little girl." "no condom...? the hell...? you must be ready to talk about marriage." i have not said these things, only thought them, but trust that i will verbalize these exact words if the time EVER presents itself again. btw,we HAVE NOT had sex yet...but close. yes, my home is sacred and i he will not let him force his presence into my space. that's something i don't put up with unless i want it. i didn't have a problem with the shirt, but it was kinda strange...na'mean. i've been living alone for about 8 yrs now and have grown quite selfish of my privacy. thanks for the comments and (((laughs))) prettybaby.
Sks Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 No condoms is fine, as long as you have been in the relationship for a while, I would rather wait a year to have sex with a girl and not use a condom then use one and have sex in a month. Its just a more fulfilling experience.
likestolaugh Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 No condoms is fine, as long as you have been in the relationship for a while, I would rather wait a year to have sex with a girl and not use a condom then use one and have sex in a month. Its just a more fulfilling experience. ....until the babies start falling out.
Sks Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 ....until the babies start falling out. Hmm, birth control pills are fairly effective and I have no problems with abortion.
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 ....until the babies start falling out. exactly.thank you, likestolaugh!
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 If it was a boyfriend or something then I wouldn’t think anything of it as far as “why” he left it there, in fact I would love it if he did because it would be something of his that I’d have with me at all times, something I can wear of his, etc. But if it was someone I JUST met, I would find it odd only because I’d wonder why he was leaving it there so early on. And since you don’t know him that well, naturally you’d question it. It could be merely for sentimental value and that he would like something of his to be with you/remind you of him but on the flip side, it could also be used as a means to “leave the door open” (i.e. if for whatever reason you stop talking, he can reestablish contact by mentioning the shirt or something) and it could be for a variety of other reasons, who knows. Like geisha mentioned – combined with the condom thing so early on, would also strike me as someone who may be on the “overly confident” side. It’s like he’s staking his claim from the get-go and that’s not necessarily a bad thing but you have to look at the whole package in that case since you don’t know him well enough yet or where the relationship is headed. Women trap men all the time with the whole birth control thing and ooops, all of a sudden they’re pregos. So, maybe in this very rare instance, he wants to inseminate you with babies. And that would be considered odd but to each their own.
MasonMan Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 sounds like he was leaving it as an excuse for coming over to see you (should he ever need one). he's also probably thinking that it will remind you of him every time you see it and get you addicted to him. or he might just be "marking his territory." or he might just be weird.
Art_Critic Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 You're right. It's definitely weird... I sooo agree with GW.... It is very weird.. He bought it.. wore it and left it behind so you could wear it and smell him while he wasn't there.. I personally would just wash it and throw it in the closet... if he asks you for it someday then mail it to him...
2sunny Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 there are two ways to respond to this "marking of the territory" scenario (which is what he was doing by leaving it). if you like him: tell him you wore it around the house for the day and it was nice to smell him while he's not with you... OR if you don't like him enough: tell him you had a visitor stay and he needed to make use of the shirt he left behind.
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 2sunny, you'r too funny. "if you don't like him enough...". i do like him quite a bit, but i actually washed the shirt the next day or 2 after her left. i didn't want to keep thinking about him too much. we live 3 hours away and i didn't want to miss him too much. plus, i'm not communicating w/him much at all right now,for a few reasons. he is making contact w/me, but i haven't really given any response, but once. long story...refer to my other posts. i just needed insight on things. 'cause i was thinking "strange" when he left the shirt...i'm not always receptive to things like this. it makes me think that a guy is trying to impose imself on me and my space. even if i do like a guy, i don't like a man forcing himself in my space. it's happened before with another guy who left shoes at my place, but he did it on the 'sneak tip', so i had to REMIND him that he'd left them. i knew what he was trying to do. he got upset when i reminded him that he'd left his shoes. he thought i was trying to push him away. we ended up dating for almost 2 years, but he ended up stalking me when i broke up with him and i had to get a protective order against him...hmmm. is there a pattern with the men i allow into my life...?(another topic perhaps)
prettybaby Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 if you don't like him enough: tell him you had a visitor stay and he needed to make use of the shirt he left behind. LMAO!! And make sure to add "I hope that's okay!"
Author muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 LMAO again...you 2 should do stand-up...lol.
pretty professional Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 ....until the babies start falling out. or your d**k starts falling off from contracting an STD. That is the real issue here.
Author muse08 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 exactly...which is why we haven't gone there...and may not
2sunny Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 my natural counterpart for standup here would be jilly bean... somehow we always end up encouraging each other - she's hilarious... if tudor were around his humor would be a perfect third... sorry for the off topic... my bad.
Author muse08 Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 humor is always good. sometimes these threads get to serious! thank 4 the humor:)
2sunny Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 muse - has your guy been in contact since the territory marking episode?
Author muse08 Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 muse - has your guy been in contact since the territory marking episode? thanks for asking, yes he has.he came back to visit 2 weeks after the territory marking and stayed over night. we had an excellent time together...not problems. he didn't mention the shirt.hasn't been back since then. we stopped seeing each other temporarily or 4 good. who knows...he has some issues to take care of. he's been in contact w/ me to keep me updated on taking care of the issues and just reaffirmed it again today. not sure why he's keeping me posted when it doesn't look like we'll ever see each other again. long story, so this is just a summary...
Recommended Posts