katty774 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Mine is a strange story, I have been dating this great guy. Nothing has been normal or simple in our relationship. We have both been hurt bad before. Well I won't drive you crazy with all of the details but here is my major problem, right after we started dated he told me that he had plans for a much younger friend (thinks of her as a child) to come to the US to visit him. He had made these arrangements way b4 we got together. She would be staying and traveling with him, etc. I was hurt and shocked but tried to take this news maturely. He works with a mission group and is very religious and he really wanted to give something back to this girl that needs it. Well time past and our relationship grew and he even admitted to me right b4 time for her to come that he wished he hadn't made the commitment. We had gotten more serious by this time. Well her stay is for a month. I dreaded it and I even talked as if we would not see or talk to one another for that month. She has now been here over 3 weeks and hopefully will be going home soon but my problem is even though I conditioned myself to be prepared to not hear from him, etc. I miss him like crazy.. I have been pretty stable and when she first arrived he called me once and then text me a couple of times. The last time he called me was a week ago and I broke down on Wed. and sent him a text that said- do you ever even think of me anymore? His reply was 6 hours later and all it said was "of course I do" I didn't reply back but today I was feeling pretty low and I made a huge mistake again. I text him a message that said- Hope you have a great weekend, I still miss you, sometimes more on the weekends. Now I am sitting here crying for being so stupid. WHy couldn't I just wait it out and let him contact me? I don't know what is going on with us or if there is even an us anymore. My mind is playing games on me, you know the mind games of what if??? What if he has fallen in love with her during her stay?? What if he wasn't totally honest with me about her?? What if she stays??? What if he keeps her here?? I have to also add that he did send me a text a week ago saying he couldnt wait to be able to sleep in his own bed again because his back is killing him. He let her have his bed and he has been sleeping on an air mattress in the other bedroom. Please someone give me some input on how I should be acting because right now I am just sobbing my butt off and typing. BTW- he never returned my text that I sent about missing him that I sent over an hour ago. I just really miss him and I think it would be easier for me if we had gotten into a huge fight or something and then there was no contact because this is driving me crazy. please help.
norajane Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 There's something fishy here. Why can't he call you, text you, email you, and SEE you while this young woman is visiting him? Why can't you join them when they go sight seeing or whatever they're doing? She's staying at his house...so he's in town. So why are you supposed to disappear for a month instead of being a part of his life as usual, including you going on dates. She's a grown woman - she can spend an evening watching movies while he's out with you. I don't understand that AT ALL.
Author katty774 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 I know that is weird but I will have to admit that I didn't encourage that as an option. He did invite me to come and listen to his band when she first arrived in town. He told me it would be great to see me but I told him I thought it would be too weird. To be honest I just wpasn't sure how I would feel. I feel really stupid now because I was the one that decided that we would go cold turkey during this visit. I just thought it would be easier for me. To be honest I really thought he would miss me. If it was anyone other than him pulling this stunt I would have all kinds of red flags but he is the most honest person I know. I just want him back. I worry that I have now lost him forever. We both went into the rs very cautiously because we had both been hurt. His wife had left him after 10 years of marriage and he chose not to date, etc. for 4 years. He went out with a few girls a couple of times but nothing serious. He was even celibate (however you spell it) and even had a battle with his conscious because we finally decided to have sex (he was ready before I was) and then he felt guilty that he was having sex without marriage. As I said it has been a strange rs but one that I really want back desperately. In my heart I really don't feel as if he is playing me, he really isn't the type. Of course I have been played and hurt before so what do I really know.
norajane Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 That sheds a completely different light on this, if you are the one who imposed this rule not to see each other while his guest is here. You thought he would miss you, and what? Kick the girl out in the middle of her trip? Yes, he should have made arrangements for her to stay elsewhere, but your reaction was to push him away, rather than take part in his life. Had you gotten to know her, you may have even liked her, or felt some compassion for her if she's as unfortunate as your bf says. Do you share his religious beliefs and his ideas about mission work? If not, I suspect there are deeper conflicts between you. I would suggest inviting him and his guest out to dinner. Since you imposed this distance, you will have to reach out, since he's honoring your requests to stay away.
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