Dominique Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I am in NC in an on-again off-again type situation that was always intense, long-distance, but a "committed" long distance situation... Until I had enough.... Question: I was abroad for three months during the summer. He called constantly, I took the calls, the text messages and so forth. As it turns out, I had to pay those charges because of the way international cell phone-charges work (I guess in some places). When I politely informed him of this, he did go and pay estimated lump sums to my phone company. I thought this would be enough. Turns out, what he paid didn't cover nearly half of what the full charges were in all of these calls. This is very difficult for me because I have to live lean for various reasons right now (taking time from work to pursue a project). The bill that remains is quite high--we are talking several hundred dollars. But we are in NC and I have followed NC beautifully, and it has been very hard. It has been about 20 days. I simply do not want to talk to him for various reasons (this has been a long term on and off thing and I just got tired). My question for those of you who have been through the same: 1) Do I suck up the charges and pay it off as I can, writing it off to the "follies of love" (so to speak)...so that I do not break the NC 2) "Demand" my money...I didn't ask for these calls, I went away for a reason (to distance myself from him--he had been in the same city with me for a while), and I do not want more problems on my shoulders.. 3) Go a third route--I have penned a letter to his secretary as his university (he is a prof) telling her in a professional way what such and such charges are and would she be so kind to relay the message etc etc Of course, this is a form of "contact". I have wondered what he would think of my "popping up" over a bill. I would love to hear advice from those who have been in similar situations. I really am baffled on this one. DOM
Author Dominique Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 PS. I despise "money issues" that is why this might be tough for me. Advice, please!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I was in a similar situation - I was in a LDR, luckily he had free longdistance calling BUT! I always paid for the plane tickets, and he would pay me back... but in the last 6 months of our relationship, he was kinda racking up a tab, he was having financial problems of his own, so I let it slide. Then we broke up, and I was broke, he then had the money to pay me back but... I personally found it petty asking for the money after we split. Yes, he owed me, and I needed the cash but, I've just kinda made it through on my own, wasnt easy at first but I'm doing it! Luckily my living expenses are pretty low, so it hasnt been much of a problem. I'd suggest just working the bill of yourself, if it really is a big financial issue, maybe ask a family member to help out for a bit? I'm not really sure... the bill is big, but not huge, so I suggest holding onto your NC, and working through the bill, if you can.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 suck it up and pay it. The "professional" letter may be business like but it is more hurtful than NC. Just pay it and leave the NC be. If i was him and we had shared an intense/close relationship......it would really hurt to get some official "money request" that business like. It is contact. If thier is no baby involved NC is NC, and money is money. If your super broke and its a real big deal, just email him.....and write "please don't reply" Keep it simple and non-emotional if you want to move on from the person. My ex was so "business-like" towards the end of our relationship it was gross. When I got an email from her about her not be comfortable with certain things in our "new freindship" I felt like throwing up. It was like, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Don't give him that phony robot business tone. You guys shared something that was special....he isn't a stranger. Let it be. You are already holding a broken wine bottle, why smash it into a million pieces. Keep it real with NC. Suck it up and pay?
Ingenue Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I would also suggest paying the bill yourself. You've been handling NC so well, why revert back to a communicative state with your ex over money. In my situation, I had to eat about $900 that my ex had promised he'd pay over a cancelled trip. I decided it wasn't worth breaking NC to ask him for the money and I just chalked up the financial loss as a consequence from a lousy break up. I have to live very lean as well and the hit was quite hard to swallow. But you scrape and you manage and you learn that a monetary promise doesn't mean a whole lot. At least your ex attempted to pay some of it. You have to give him credit for that.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Remain strong. You get stronger the longer you wait. Like a fine wine.
EmperorR Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 me and my ex were on a couples plan and when she went away and cheated on me i got left with a 300 dollar cell phone bill i just chalked it up, and moved on
9Lives Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 yeah it sucks but i agree you need to deal with it and not break NC. It will open negative doors. My ex is in dept to me and I may just take him to court to get it or I might just let it go and pay it myself. I really want my money back though. I hate to know he got over on me in that way. But I will not email or text or call about this money. Like I said, I might take him to court. Im on medical disability and have been laid off while on disability so I dont have any extra money right now.
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