Stockalone Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 If the guy is going to put you down within the first 1/2 hour of meeting you, what do you think a relationship with this person would look like? A relationship is probably not what most of these men have in mind. I have no idea if this is actually a method that is being taught, but I have seen guys use it very effectively when all they wanted, was to get laid.
The Collector Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I do get hit on a lot, Collector, every day really, by cute guys as well as not so cute ones - and I'm what you'd put in the beautiful woman category (it sounds so conceited to say that, but I'm just answering your question!-but I believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc-but yes, I can generically say that I am considered beautiful by a lot of men and I used to be a model-and a cheerleader-so am used to attention from men). I think its really nice that guys make the effort, no matter how much it happens and I'm not conceited-I think beauty is as much on the inside as it is on the outside and I love manners, a good heart, integrity, character, etc-way more than a good body etc, and I couldnt care less about whether the guy has money etc (thus, the Simon Cowells/flashy bankers, etc of the world would hold no interest for me). So that means that if a guy puts me (or my friend) down in some strange bid to pull me, I'll just think 'what an arrogant tw*t' as most guys (like I said in my post) treat me nice as a default approach, so thats the least I'd expect in a chat up line (and like I say, I appreciate that good treatment no matter how many guys approach me like that). I read the rude approach as arrogant, ignorant, insecure, mean, etc, and I wouldnt give that type of guy the time of day as a result-I'm not for him, and he's not for me. I'd need someone more confident in his own skin. I also believe in treating others as I would like to be treated, and I would never, repeat NEVER put someone else down to make myself feel better or to get something. I think people like that are stupid. From your ID, I wrongly assumed you were male, hence my 'are you a beautiful woman' question. Like I keep saying, it's not going to work as an approach if you come off as mean or ignorant. It's supposed to be done with charm, in a playful way. I'm sure you can think of plenty of sexy men who tease women in a manner that they find enjoyable. If a woman says 'How dare you!' with a big smile and maybe a blush, it's done right. If she thinks 'drop dead creep' not so much. And some women, as I originally said and like yourself it seems, just don't go for that type. And some men, like myself, are just natural teasers, so the two types are probably not very compatible.
torranceshipman Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Oh I see...yes you are probably right then, I can see some girls going for that, if its done in a cute way! I had an ex who would always tease me and he was very funny but extremely kind hearted about it, so that was cute. It's the ones that are in any way offensive that are pulling the loser card...
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Oh I see...yes you are probably right then, I can see some girls going for that, if its done in a cute way! I had an ex who would always tease me and he was very funny but extremely kind hearted about it, so that was cute. It's the ones that are in any way offensive that are pulling the loser card... Putting down someone's career, implying that they are undereducated, and asking them how they can afford to live in the city do not qualify as teasing. These are two different things.
The Collector Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Putting down someone's career, implying that they are undereducated, and asking them how they can afford to live in the city do not qualify as teasing. These are two different things. While we can agree that this guy didn't manage it, don't you think it's hypothetically possible that a real charmer/funny guy could tease someone about all of those issues and still not offend or annoy- but instead, make him more attractive to her?
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 While we can agree that this guy didn't manage it, don't you think it's hypothetically possible that a real charmer/funny guy could tease someone about all of those issues and still not offend or annoy- but instead, make him more attractive to her? Honestly, I see where you are coming from but I think you would have to be really skilled at walking down that fine line. A lot of what goes into this is intent. If you are perceptive you can see intent.
The Collector Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I love that fine line. I've always found I can get away with the most offensive things so long as there's a look in my eyes that suggests I don't really mean it and am just pushing the limits for fun. One time I remember going too far was when I was talking to an Israeli girl, and all was going well until I joked 'It's not even your country.' Fine line crossed. The suggestion I was an anti-semite wasn't flirty-fun, it turned out.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 The problem is that you don't know what someone's sensitive points are. I can be teased about some things and take it in stride, but others hit a little too close to home.
johan Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 The problem is that you don't know what someone's sensitive points are. I can be teased about some things and take it in stride, but others hit a little too close to home. Good point. So why do you think you are sensitive to that kind of comment? You didn't have to take it as seriously as you did.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Good point. So why do you think you are sensitive to that kind of comment? You didn't have to take it as seriously as you did. True, true. First of all, he was just a jerk. His comments were way off base even if I were not already sensitive to them. Why am I sensitive? Well, to make a long story short....Ironically, as a kid, I was known as a "smart kid" and I was always trying to downplay that. I did very well in HS and college but I always had trouble finding a work situation that fit me. My passions lay in more creative endeavors. I just always thought I could not make a living doing what I really wanted to do, so finding a career for me meant finding something I could do that would give me the time and ability to also follow my other passions. So.....I never followed the corporate track, I never went to grad school, I never followed some predefined career trajectory that others seemed to have followed. Where I come from, nobody really cares what you do or where you went to school. Here in DC, a lot of people do, so I find myself having to "prove" that I am smart and have found my own type of success in life. It sucks. Not everyone is like that here. I have a ton of friends who come in all types of packages and no one cares.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Wow, that guy sounds like a tool. When he asked you if you could afford to live in DC you should have said : "No, that's why I am here. To meet men who make oodles of money to support a lifestyle I am not yet accostomed to". Then smiled sweetly and asked him what he did for a living.
monkey00 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 When I was younger and wasn't much of a conversationalist, I'd usually ask questions and sometimes dumb comments too. I know there's a fine line between sounding condescending and being genuinely interested in questions..not everyone knows the difference. The guy obviously didn't. But I think it's also important for people to have standards, when it comes to the opposite sex. Personally for me, the person I date or would want a relationship with has to have some kind of ambition and/or goals in life. The last person I dated had a part-time job who only worked a few days a week and who may have been in debt also. Needless to say we didn't go far at all. I asked her about future goals and ambitions, blatantly she had none. Now that's something I could never accept from the person I date. Anyway my point is everyone has standards when it comes to dating...as Tony said, look all the women who ask guys what they do, where they live, and if they have a car. That guy obviously did it in a blunt matter...whereas most women are subtle about it.
Nemo Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 But I think it's also important for people to have standards, when it comes to the opposite sex. Absolutely. Their important bits should be functional. Then again, you might not know that without doing a bit of probing.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 But I think it's also important for people to have standards, when it comes to the opposite sex. Personally for me, the person I date or would want a relationship with has to have some kind of ambition and/or goals in life. The last person I dated had a part-time job who only worked a few days a week and who may have been in debt also. Needless to say we didn't go far at all. I asked her about future goals and ambitions, blatantly she had none. Now that's something I could never accept from the person I date. Anyway my point is everyone has standards when it comes to dating...as Tony said, look all the women who ask guys what they do, where they live, and if they have a car. That guy obviously did it in a blunt matter...whereas most women are subtle about it. Hmmm....are you saying I have no ambitions or goals in life? Well, let's see. My last job was directly affected by the aftermath of 9/11. Very difficult emotionally and professionally. I took a huge financial risk after this to go back to school and chart a new path. I did, so successfully. I now have a new profession and I am respected in my field. I am a licensed professional. I go to work every day and help people become healthier. I saved enough money to buy a condo in a one of the most expensive cities in the country. I volunteer once a week at a local school and I am also working on some creative projects. So would I not live up to your standards? Fine. You probably would not live up to mine, either.
monkey00 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Hmmm....are you saying I have no ambitions or goals in life? Well, let's see. My last job was directly affected by the aftermath of 9/11. Very difficult emotionally and professionally. I took a huge financial risk after this to go back to school and chart a new path. I did, so successfully. I now have a new profession and I am respected in my field. I am a licensed professional. I go to work every day and help people become healthier. I saved enough money to buy a condo in a one of the most expensive cities in the country. I volunteer once a week at a local school and I am also working on some creative projects. So would I not live up to your standards? Fine. You probably would not live up to mine, either. What I said was more a general example of having standards when dating. The guy who hit on you was an idiot. Plenty of fish in the sea, find someone who accepts you for you.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 What I said was more a general example of having standards when dating. The guy who hit on you was an idiot. Plenty of fish in the sea, find someone who accepts you for you. Got it Monkey, thanks.
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Cherry, where you go to school only matters on a CV, reliant on what industry you're in and if you're trying to network for upward mobility. Beyond that, as dating criteria, that's pure silliness. I would be tempted to ask him which toilet paper he uses, denigrate it, to illustrate how incredibly meaningless it is. If he doesn't pick up on the analogy, he's one dumb guy!
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