dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Well here goes. I am a single mother of five kids (ages 15,13,6,2,1)with another on the way. (im over seven months now). The father, my ex, i have been with since i was 17. I am now 34. So almost 17 years and been married for 9 of them. Anyways, i guess throughout our relationship he has cheated on me. We've had some bad years to go along with the good. He cheated on me twice throughout our relationship and each time i took him back. We had barely gone a night without us not being together. For a few years things were going good until about last year when i started noticing the signs or "flags" and of course the good ol fashion gut feeling. He had started working weekends to make some extra cash in the next province where his family lives. He was making pretty good money. It was hard getting used to not being with him on weekends but at the time we had another baby on the way so we figured do it for awhile. As time went on I began to notice that the times he was gone were getting longer and longer and he barely called. I also noticed that he didnt seem interested anymore in the job he had at home and it got to the point where he quit and the job in the other province became his job. By that time i was lucky to see him for a few days before he would head back. It also seemed the money wasnt so prosperous anymore. It seemed he was coming back with less and less each time. Anyways, to make a long story short i found out he had and was cheating with not one but at least SIX girls in that town. I cannot even describe the devastation i felt and still hurt from that whorefest he had going there. Even after finding out and me kicking him out of the house did not really stop him. He had another cell that he was using to text and call these girls, from his cousins house he was staying at here. The whole time trying to get back with me! Everyone says he seems to be having a midlife crisis. Trying to relive his youth but ya whatever. I wanted to move on and to make a long story short I slept with someone else and when he got wind of it, boy did that hurt him. After that he quit the job and the girls. He seemed to be wanting to change and making it work so stupid me gave him another chance. For the next few months it was a yo-yo relationship. During this time i ended up getting pregnant...again. Breaking up...getting back...i think mainly because i had a hard time to "get over it". I also realized that it was me that was doing all the work. He had his fun and now he wanted back but he wanted it back the easy way. For me to "forget" that it ever happened. It doesnt work that way though. The wounds are unseen but deep. My self esteem was demolished, my trust, my hopes destroyed. Finally we had a fight and a couple months ago and i kicked him out because i was like who the hell are you to talk to me that way, after everything you did to me and with me taking you back? So he left. Which wasnt hard for him to do it seems. I think he was so used to leaving by now and probably expected that he would be back in a couple days. Like always. I wanted to end my relationship. I realized at that point that nothing was ever going to change for us. He wasnt ever going to change for me or for anyone else. We been going through this crap for how long now, over and over. It wont change because i allow him to get away with it everytime. I have very little contact with him and for the most part i was doing good until recently. Shortly after i kicked him out he went to another part of the next province where he has family and has been staying there. Its been two months now and its the longest that we have ever been apart. Yet he doesnt seem to care. I also heard that he fooled around with some skank at a party. Like i said what else is new right? But it hurt me so bad because he moves on like nothing and i feel like im still stuck loving this guy for what reason now i dont know but i do. I thought he would miss me as much as i miss him. Its been real hard and he came back here a couple days ago and in talking with him nothing still has changed. He told me he got sick of being kicked out and that hes tired of kissing my ass and its all my fault were like this now. I feel im back to square one again in getting out of this. I cried so bad for my past, my present and the future i thought i was gonna have with this man. I think my problem is that i have to fully ACCEPT this relationship is over and let him go. Ya maybe one day he will regret everything and realize what he had with me, but i cant wait around forever and go through this pain again and again. It hurts feeling i never mattered to him, maybe he still doesnt believe its over, i dont know. I want to escape while there is still something left in me. Being pregnant and having all his kids make it harder to do but at the same time if i didnt have them in my life i would never have made it this far. So today i am going to have absolutely NO CONTACT anymore with him. I always gave in but as of now...not anymore. The grass isnt always greener on the other side i find. I wonder sometimes if i will ever love anyone again as i have loved him. It seems impossible as im feeling "stuck" at the moment. The grieving process is so hard at times, i would love to hear from anyone that can give me any advice on getting through this without giving in to the pain and lonliness? I talk to friends and family and read alot. I have my good days and my bad days, but i figured i would try this out and talk to people that are going through the same things i am.
pelicanpreacher Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 It is nigh time to put a clip on this guy. Since he seems so immature that he can't fathom the level of responsibility that he's incurred in bringing children into this world, you need to be adult enough for the both of you to seek child support for all the children he has sired with you. Speak to an attorney NOW! Securing a legal order on this manner gives you the leverage to at least make him responsible to his offspring else you can guarantee a routine colo-rectal exam as part of his health care routine, courtesy of "Bubba", the hard way untill he gets on the same page of all other men with the same responsibities!
joybean72 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Damn....he's in for one helluva shock when he finds out how much child support he's going to have to pay for 6 kids! (He better find a self sufficient skank (Like my stbx) to support his broke ass too!) I am sorry he's putting you through this. He is in for a rude awakening. Consult a lawyer a.s.a.p. and apply for emergency support.
Author dazedandconfused2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 I already went to get help from social assistance here and right away i applied for child maintenance. So at the moment we are surviving but as you can imagine not the greatest way to be living. He paid me support for a month and a half and he got fired about a month ago. I think thats why he is "hiding" out in another province as he lives there for free and has no bills to pay. Then he cries to me that he cant see the kids and im being a control freak when i bring up scheduled visits. I can never win with this guy. I ran into him the other day and guess what? The guy had brand new clothes and shoes and hat and expensive cologne on. Needless to say i feel choked about it. He acted all happy to see the boys but i was so disgusted. We kinda got into it a bit and he sure didnt act like a guy that missed me or even wanted me anymore. After crying to everyone else that he did. I am such a fool and i wish that i could hate him and have this switch to turn off all my feelings. Even all this crap he has put me through...whats wrong with me that i wont let go of him?
whyme393 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 i've been on the receiving end of getting my ass handed to me by my wife. right now we're seperated and she wants a divorce. i admitted I broke many promises, told her yes, yes to agree to what she tells me but never followed through, and basically didn't do my part to maintain the relationship. basically I took her for granted and thought she would be there for me. I was so shocked and depressed that she wanted to leave me, she depended on me and in very hard time but I wasn't around. I know it can be a cycle of madness. But I think it can work. I really do think both you need to go to councilling (one on one) if the other parties cannot be in the same room together. To work on communication and the trust issues. I would give the guy another chance IF he truly wants it to work, and shows that he's doing things to try to make it work with you.
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