thedistrict Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Hi all, i've ran myself into a bit of a mess. It's my first year of college and I have this one girl in mostly all my classes so I end up seeing her everyday for a couple hours. We sit beside eachother in every class, we have eachothers numbers, go to get coffees together at the shop inside the school. Basically we've become good friends. She seems incredibly nice and approachable but I just can't read her. I've been telling myself to finally ask her out but i've ran into one problem Facebook. It says she's in a relationship. Not with anybody in particular, just that she is All my other friends keep on telling me we'd be cute together and that I should go for it. And I whole heartedly agree that I'd love to but I just can't get myself to finally pop the question. I'm worried that if I ask if she wants to hang out sometime and she's already taken, it will ruin our friendship and it'll be awkward to see her everyday like I used to. Help!
joshaz Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 No... It won't ruin it. Just don't put too much pressure on it.
TigerCub Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Well when you chat with her over coffee, does she never mention that she's seeing someone? I think your first move should be to bring up the topic of relationships and find out if she is in fact in a relationship or not.
Author thedistrict Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 I agree, but it's harder than it sounds I find it kinda fishy that she avoids the topic all together, and hasn't sent me a signal yet if she is or not. She's asked me about siblings, where I was born, etc. But never if im in a relationship.
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Two major keys here: 1. Her FB says she is in a relationship. You would take that at face value, because it either means she IS in one, or she at least wants guys to think that she is. Either way, not encouraging for your prospects. 2. You've become good friends, and you're worried about ruining the friendship. If YOU, my man, are thinking this, I'm sure she is too. You're probably in the friendzone with her, and if you ask her out now, it may be awkward as you suspect. Fortunately, your chances with her aren't dead. But rather than ask her out now, you should ask out some other girls. Why? Because you're too fixated on the outcome with this one, and she is thinking of you as just a friend right now. She's more likely to think of you romantically if she knows you are seeing other girls AND if you stop spending so much time with her. But besides that, for your own sake, you're in college, man. Now is the time to meet lots of women - believe me, they're dying to meet you! You'll have a much more balanced outlook on this one that you like if you spend some time with some others. This one still probably wants to shag you and maybe date you, but not at your current state. Do you flirt with her? Tease her? Start being a flirt with her, hang out with her a little less, and meet some other females. Good luck.
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I forgot to add: If she is a freshman like you, her "relationship" is probably with her h.s. boyfriend. Hopefully he goes to another school many miles away. Chances of a breakup before Christmas are about 85%. Patience, my friend.
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 There it is. Distance yourself and flirt with other women until after Christmas. Check in with this lady from time to time but remain topical. Don't ignore her but don't engage her. If you really focus on the other ladies, you'll send out a specific signal that she'll pick up on. That is the signal which will cause her to remove you from the friend-zone, if that is currently where you are. IMO, you're young and no one woman should garner importance in your life as of yet. Plenty of time for that
prettybaby Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 At her age: being in a relationship doesn't mean jack. It will end sooner or later, I mean, really, it's just bound to fail at some point. So don't worry about it. If she isn't single now, she will be later lol I also agree with the person who said you should interact with other girls as well. Trust me: I'm a girl, and when a guy (even if he's just a friend) gets attention from other girls, it makes him more attractive!
Author thedistrict Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Thank you all, and I agree with you guys. But i'm one of those guys who look a lot younger than most guys and I get a lot of "he's such a cutie" thing and I only get noticed by those females who are in the same boat as me. So, as we can see, I dont get many chances with the female population. Anyways, the whole school has a week off this week. We took the subway home together and before she left she mentioned we wouldnt see eachother for a week, I tried to make a joke out of it (stupid, stupid, stupid!). I was gonna call her up and ask her if she wanted to hang out one of the days were off, but now im not too sure. It seems that im confident enough to think and tell myself to do things when im with her, but once I get home, it just seems like she's way out of my league
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 We took the subway home together and before she left she mentioned we wouldnt see eachother for a week, I tried to make a joke out of it (stupid, stupid, stupid!). "Take care and see you in a week" with a That's it.....friendly.... Oh, and not "stupid" (what you did); it's called "learning". Get used to it. You'll be doing it for a lifetime
Author thedistrict Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 "Take care and see you in a week" with a That's it.....friendly.... Oh, and not "stupid" (what you did); it's called "learning". Get used to it. You'll be doing it for a lifetime next time, I guess Should I attempt to hang out with her this week? my scheduals pretty packed with friends, wisdom teeth extractions, etc. But im willing to make time
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 next time, I guess Should I attempt to hang out with her this week? my scheduals pretty packed with friends, wisdom teeth extractions, etc. But im willing to make time If you do it, do it before the extractions!
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 If you do it, do it before the extractions! No doubt about that!
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 She's not out of your league. And don't beat yourself up over one lame comment or joke. As for getting noticed - you need to build your confidence and approach more women. That's what gets you noticed. A lot of short, boy-ish, fat, and/or ugly men get plenty of women. You can too. The ones who don't are the guys who think they can't.
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