unknown815 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I have posted way too many times and have heard it all. bottom line is we have a child together and he's gone after 7 years of on and off. he's seeing someone else only after 2 weeks of us breaking up and its killing me. Its been 2 1/2 months now...I acted crazy, called, written letters, and then went to NC for a while now..as of right now we have been friendly for the baby and i have been playing it cool. I know i should stick to this but i want to know if anyone can actually offer some advise to opening this mans eyes up to the love that is there. yes its there. anything that i can do to get him and this other girl to split? i know it sounds crazy but i dont want to hear that. im truly asking to dig a little on the devious side and maybe something can get him to inch back. or something for the other girl to back off. maybe something with the baby. there's got to be something. again, i know it sounds bad but please poeple....
Hersheys Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Nothing devious for you but probably you can.... Get a job if you don't have one. If you do, do well and make lots of money with it. Start living for yourself and your baby alone. Improve yourself, your appearance. If you look good now, make yourself look even better. Improve OTHER areas of your life which you feel you are lacking whether it be a job, education, people skills etc. Start hoping that someday you will realize that you can be on your own and don't need your ex in your life anyway.
CherishG Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I have posted way too many times and have heard it all. bottom line is we have a child together and he's gone after 7 years of on and off. he's seeing someone else only after 2 weeks of us breaking up and its killing me. Its been 2 1/2 months now...I acted crazy, called, written letters, and then went to NC for a while now..as of right now we have been friendly for the baby and i have been playing it cool. I know i should stick to this but i want to know if anyone can actually offer some advise to opening this mans eyes up to the love that is there. yes its there. anything that i can do to get him and this other girl to split? i know it sounds crazy but i dont want to hear that. im truly asking to dig a little on the devious side and maybe something can get him to inch back. or something for the other girl to back off. maybe something with the baby. there's got to be something. again, i know it sounds bad but please poeple.... deng girl, I been hella stalkin u on here, worried sick about you the last few days. Noticed you haven't been posting, so it's a big sigh of relief to see ur here I know how you feel exactly... everything you said up there is how I truly feel, but my conscience, my integrity, my self-respect and my faith in God stops me from doing the devilish things. Don't get me wrong, I sit at work everyday "scheming" things up in my head... Wondering if the new girl even knows that my ex has a daughter... I even have the new girls' cell phone number, BUT... as tempted as I been before, I NEVER ONCE CALLED. I think if I were to do those things, it would just push my ex further away from him. I know you're feeling as desperate to get him to realize what a big mistake he's making... But judging from what others have repeatedly said on here, it will just annoy the hell out of him. And the more we annoy them, the closer they get to the "new girl" just to find more comfort from their guilt of hurting us. There's isn't ANYTHING, I wouldnt do to get him back... to get our family back together... I'm not doing all of this just for me... I'm doing this so my daughter can have her father. Sometimes in my deepest misery, I can't even look into my child's eyes, I feel so guilty... I lost her father because he didn't want me anymore. I feel like I failed her. That's why in the beginning I tried so damn hard... but I can't do it anymore, and there's nothing I could possibly do now I've exhausted all of my efforts, I've pleaded, cried, begged, and he's seen me physically wasting away. It's been almost 1.5 months now since the break up, I've lost a good 20+ lbs., and it's scary... for god's sake! I'm a frickin NURSE...but no food, no sleep can satisfy the pain in my heart. I can't expect you to follow suit in what I'm doing, make him miss you...miss what you two had. If the love is still there like you say it is, let that love lead him back to you...UNCONDITIONALLY I know you want to leave bread crumbs so he can find his way back, but it only prolongs the healing that you need to do for yourself. You know, my daughter's bday is next week... I havne't spoken to my ex in 4 days after our big "blow-out" again...so I don't know what's going to happen. But I did notice something...something that really blew my mind tonight and I can't stop crying... She's going to be 2yrs old and she doesn't talk in like full sentences, but all this time being lost in my sadness, I didn't think she would understand what I was going through, that if I cry in front of her, she wouldn't know what being "heartbroken" or what sadness meant. BUT...tonight, she walked over to me with a wet baby wipe (thinking its what kleenex is the same) and sat on my lap and was wiping my tears. There's no words to describe what I saw in her eyes... She was sad because I was sad...and for a baby, an infant to express that just made me realize I have to do something... I have to rethink our future. Sorry I babbled on, u still haven't emailed me ur contact info...its ok, I understand...I'm as lost as you are, but I do want you to know I know what you're thinking and feeling... *hugz*
Author unknown815 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 deng girl, I been hella stalkin u on here, worried sick about you the last few days. Noticed you haven't been posting, so it's a big sigh of relief to see ur here I know how you feel exactly... everything you said up there is how I truly feel, but my conscience, my integrity, my self-respect and my faith in God stops me from doing the devilish things. Don't get me wrong, I sit at work everyday "scheming" things up in my head... Wondering if the new girl even knows that my ex has a daughter... I even have the new girls' cell phone number, BUT... as tempted as I been before, I NEVER ONCE CALLED. I think if I were to do those things, it would just push my ex further away from him. I know you're feeling as desperate to get him to realize what a big mistake he's making... But judging from what others have repeatedly said on here, it will just annoy the hell out of him. And the more we annoy them, the closer they get to the "new girl" just to find more comfort from their guilt of hurting us. There's isn't ANYTHING, I wouldnt do to get him back... to get our family back together... I'm not doing all of this just for me... I'm doing this so my daughter can have her father. Sometimes in my deepest misery, I can't even look into my child's eyes, I feel so guilty... I lost her father because he didn't want me anymore. I feel like I failed her. That's why in the beginning I tried so damn hard... but I can't do it anymore, and there's nothing I could possibly do now I've exhausted all of my efforts, I've pleaded, cried, begged, and he's seen me physically wasting away. It's been almost 1.5 months now since the break up, I've lost a good 20+ lbs., and it's scary... for god's sake! I'm a frickin NURSE...but no food, no sleep can satisfy the pain in my heart. I can't expect you to follow suit in what I'm doing, make him miss you...miss what you two had. If the love is still there like you say it is, let that love lead him back to you...UNCONDITIONALLY I know you want to leave bread crumbs so he can find his way back, but it only prolongs the healing that you need to do for yourself. You know, my daughter's bday is next week... I havne't spoken to my ex in 4 days after our big "blow-out" again...so I don't know what's going to happen. But I did notice something...something that really blew my mind tonight and I can't stop crying... She's going to be 2yrs old and she doesn't talk in like full sentences, but all this time being lost in my sadness, I didn't think she would understand what I was going through, that if I cry in front of her, she wouldn't know what being "heartbroken" or what sadness meant. BUT...tonight, she walked over to me with a wet baby wipe (thinking its what kleenex is the same) and sat on my lap and was wiping my tears. There's no words to describe what I saw in her eyes... She was sad because I was sad...and for a baby, an infant to express that just made me realize I have to do something... I have to rethink our future. Sorry I babbled on, u still haven't emailed me ur contact info...its ok, I understand...I'm as lost as you are, but I do want you to know I know what you're thinking and feeling... *hugz* i feel for you. i really do..Its weird because i have been doing so great and thinking positive and then BAM, I feel like i am back to the beginning. Don't even get me started on the **** i did when i found out 2 weeks in that he was seeing someone. I got her number. prank and then worked up the balls to actually talk to her. Told her lies how he was with me last night and she should back away..yea, that worked! NOT!!! Don't with that though. I know the answers, I do. Leave him alone, better myself, realize my self worth bla bla bla...As far as HE is concerned that's what im doing. BUT, i too sit and try to scheme up things to get them to break up. I want this girl out of his life. I know there is nothing realistically i can do, is there :? Like i said, i am going back to strict NC. we have been speaking more over the computer but it makes me feel worse. we are nice to each other but its unnecessary contact. Its so hard because i see him often. because of the baby. But again just gonna stick with the handing her off and that's it. walk away. say nothing. don't talk over computer...Its funny you mention God. I prey all the time to take the evil thoughts of my mind and let me find peace. He has been there for me But that it still doesn't mean if someone had some great idea, i wouldn't listen...YIKE, I'm scary! i
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 If the love is still there like you say it is, let that love lead him back to you...UNCONDITIONALLY I really liked that line Cherish! I think thats a wonderful point. I think for some people, they find a love so great that their heart, soul, body - everything - knows the love they shared with that someone is the kind of love that can never end. The person may heal, both parties may move on and be happy in their own lives, but that deep love resonates always. Personally, I have not felt that kind of love, but I believe its out there, and I believe that with time, that kind of love with always bring people back together... they may not get their happy ending necessarily, but they'll always be a part of each others lives.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Also, Hershey's gave some good info, but probably not exactly what you were looking for. I'd suggest doing that and thennn I dated a guy once who's ex kept trying to win him back, and he was totally not interested. It made me like the guy even more, and it made me feel more secure in my position with him, because I was completely normal, and made him happy. She annoyed him, and I was there to be the good, cute, girlfriend who was just happy go lucky. Her constant trying to shake him back into going to him actually made me feel more confident in our relationship. If she had been happy with her own life, confident, funny and cool? I definitely would have got mopey and wondered - wow he dated such an amazing girl... I don't know if I can measure up. I'm sure if she had been happy with herself, he would have held onto some kind of attraction to her, and it would have rattled our relationship to the core. Another example thats slightly different is one of my best girlfriends. She dated this guy that NO ONE wanted her to date. Not her friends, not her parents, not his parents, not his friends, not her ski team... no one. And it made them stronger! The more people told them they were a terrible idea, the more they felt driven to stay together, as if they were fighting some common fight, one where their passion triumphed over all. Of course, when everyone stopped caring and went back to living as per usual... their relationship got crumbly. Suddenly there was no drama to fuel their relationship, the passion they fought for served no purpose. They fell apart shortly after. So... the point I am trying to make is... How can you be deviant and shake things up? Be foxy and happy. For yourself. But when you get there, hell, flaunt it a little! Recovering a painful breakup is ROUGH, and so so so hard to do. You don't need to be 100% over the guy to do this, but you do need to get kind of a... "I am happy, I know I'm amazing, I don't need you" kind of vibe going. It will for sure make the new girl feel a bit insecure when she sees you with your child. That insecurity, combined with your ex suddenly remembering how sexy and fun you can be, could be enough to shake the relationship. Break it? You never know. Relationships have endured worse things than a foxy ex. But.. thats probably the closest you'll get to stirring up trouble, without looking really petty or desperate. Who can blame someone for being happy with themselves? SO.. thats my deviant advice. Its not super dirty, its like, coming back amazing, and with a vengeance... but its still a bit cruel, shaking up any relationship is bad mojo - so with that said I need to walk away from the computer and do something good to make up for my semi-deviant behavior
Author unknown815 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Also, Hershey's gave some good info, but probably not exactly what you were looking for. I'd suggest doing that and thennn I dated a guy once who's ex kept trying to win him back, and he was totally not interested. It made me like the guy even more, and it made me feel more secure in my position with him, because I was completely normal, and made him happy. She annoyed him, and I was there to be the good, cute, girlfriend who was just happy go lucky. Her constant trying to shake him back into going to him actually made me feel more confident in our relationship. If she had been happy with her own life, confident, funny and cool? I definitely would have got mopey and wondered - wow he dated such an amazing girl... I don't know if I can measure up. I'm sure if she had been happy with herself, he would have held onto some kind of attraction to her, and it would have rattled our relationship to the core. Another example thats slightly different is one of my best girlfriends. She dated this guy that NO ONE wanted her to date. Not her friends, not her parents, not his parents, not his friends, not her ski team... no one. And it made them stronger! The more people told them they were a terrible idea, the more they felt driven to stay together, as if they were fighting some common fight, one where their passion triumphed over all. Of course, when everyone stopped caring and went back to living as per usual... their relationship got crumbly. Suddenly there was no drama to fuel their relationship, the passion they fought for served no purpose. They fell apart shortly after. So... the point I am trying to make is... How can you be deviant and shake things up? Be foxy and happy. For yourself. But when you get there, hell, flaunt it a little! Recovering a painful breakup is ROUGH, and so so so hard to do. You don't need to be 100% over the guy to do this, but you do need to get kind of a... "I am happy, I know I'm amazing, I don't need you" kind of vibe going. It will for sure make the new girl feel a bit insecure when she sees you with your child. That insecurity, combined with your ex suddenly remembering how sexy and fun you can be, could be enough to shake the relationship. Break it? You never know. Relationships have endured worse things than a foxy ex. But.. thats probably the closest you'll get to stirring up trouble, without looking really petty or desperate. Who can blame someone for being happy with themselves? SO.. thats my deviant advice. Its not super dirty, its like, coming back amazing, and with a vengeance... but its still a bit cruel, shaking up any relationship is bad mojo - so with that said I need to walk away from the computer and do something good to make up for my semi-deviant behavior I love this post. It's not like you're saying anything i havent heard but maybe its just the way you're saying it...Like i said, im going back to NC and putting up the biggest front ever. I was doing this but think i'm gonna do it harder. No small chit chat, ALWAYS looking sexy, smile on my face and DEF not signing online anymore. Screw that, let him wonder why i havent been on aol..this prevents me from even the temptaion to IM him over some made up BS about the baby..I guess i have no choice. To to toot my own horn, but i am an attractive young women. I have a great froup of single girl friends, i have my own place and take care of me. I am confidant that even as a single mother, I wouldnt have trouble meeting other men..I know in the back of my head, this girl will never make it past 6 months with him. Just my feeling. Instead of sitting around waiting for them to split maybe i will go out and shake it up a bit. Hey, i might actually enjoy it. Let this moron see whats hes misssing out on...Maybe i can meet someone - give him a taste of his own medicine and see how it feels when he picks up his daughter and theres another man standing there. GOD I WOULD LOVE THAT! ok, going out with the girls tonight. Something i havent done in a while...Baby is staying with him tonight. I'm sure his girl will be there..Let them play house for now and im gonna try to think as positive as possible..I think im bi-polor
EmperorR Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 been there, i know the new "friend" facebook and feel like msgn him, but i wont stoop that low
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