Lucky555 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 The guy has the power in the beginning. Its kind of like a game. My friend keeps saying how in her relationship she has the power! Does anyone else believe in the power system. She does like the guy shes with but she mentions power like shes got a handle on the guy. I have noticed that guys have the power because they have to show interest in you and chase you, ask you out, and then after that you either hold their interest or you don't, (thats if you like them) I have heard of this power in relationships more than once. I always believe "equality" and not power. I never wanted the guy to be like a dog waiting for me. However, as i have seen maybe they like this and maybe it holds their interest? not knowing about their girl must be part of the attraction? any ideas?
Lee725 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Don't know much about the 'power' system myself but, i have heard of the 'challenge' and normally once the challenger gets the advantage or 'wins' what they want it becomes 'boring' and it is over. The way i figure it tho is that if i want 'power' over something i will buy a dog. To look at another person like that in a relationship conveys bigger issues with the person seeking the 'power'. If you believe in equality the same as i do, look for that in a relationship, otherwise you will not find what you seek.
Yamaha Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 The power belongs to the one who cares the least......
Walk Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I never found it was a matter of "power", as if a person has control over another persons choices and decisions. The only "power" you have is in how confident you are in yourself. If you have no confidence then other people can dictate your life, if you have confidence then you can control your own life. You can't force people to do things they don't want to do. Having confidence doesn't mean you always get the guy that you initially wanted... but if you have confidence then you'd understand that if the guy didn't want you then it's wasn't a good match anyway. Either because his values are different, or he's already interested in someone else, or other issues are in the way. If you buy into the power play idea (of someone else controlling your destiny), then you're in for a long and difficult dating life. I know others will disagree, but if you're interested in a guy and he isn't asking you out, then you could ask him to grab a cup of coffee with you. Rather then passively waiting for someone else to tell you where your life is going, you could have the confidence to decide what you would like (i.e. time with the guy) and ask for what you want. Then have the belief in yourself that even if he's not interested, that you're still a great catch for someone who will value what you have to offer. Or you can believe that men hold all the power, and your a helpless little girl who has to go along with whatever the guy wants. Or you can choose to feed off of the "chase", playing games until you manipulate the guy into giving you what you want. I suppose any of those alternatives will work, it just depends on what you want from your life and how you want to live it. But to me, neither of those options show much confidence. Both tell me that the person is insecure with who they are. That they don't understand what power really is.
prettybaby Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 The power belongs to the one who cares the least...... That is sooooo true!
Geishawhelk Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 As someone whoi has worked in counselling, could I add something here? As far as I have been able to tell, everyone wants to be Understood, appreciated and loved. All our young lives have been spent 'trying to be good', 'trying to do as we are told' and 'trying to please'. Firt, our parents exerted control ogver us, then our elder siblings, then at school, our teachers and older kids, then at work, our bosses, and so on and so forth.... Finally, in a relationship, we have found our one 'true love' - the one person on this planet that loves us enough to be everything we'd like them to be. The one person who will do whatever it takes to make us happy.... The big problem is, we little realise.... They have exactly the same agenda..... The above is highly simplistic, and there are extremes, obviously... it also depends on our individual relationships with our families.... but you get the general gist. "Love" can be a power game.....
Trialbyfire Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 When you have more than one person in a social or romantic situation, you'll always have politics, hence power and control issues. Be yourself, hold true to your morals and values while at the same time, be willing to compromise wants v. needs. Try to make certain that your needs are reasonable or if they're unreasonable, be prepared for whatever consequences happen. You cannot control or be controlled, unless the other person or you allows it. Control is a human failing due to ego/power and/or insecurities. People want their way and some are willing to exceed a reasonable degree, to get that control. When you encounter someone with major control issues, try to address it with them. If they aren't willing to discuss it or become offensive, walk away. Life's too short to put up with this kind of crap. No one needs to carry the burden of another's insecurities, although as a compromise, you can help to a reasonable degree without losing your autonomy. Just don't enable it.
Author Lucky555 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 well for my friend she is not controlling him. She just has the "power" over him. She can basically keep him interested i guess i have no idea what she is doing with this so called power. She does like him but she gets what she wants i believe. She makes it clear to him that she is going to do what she wants and she has made it clear to him that he better know what he wants. I think a power in her sense is control of herself and what she wants. However, its like he doesn't want the relationship to end so she uses her "power" to say i can move on and don't waste my time. He likes this because it shows him that shes not stupid. I think this is what the power is.
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