angie2443 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 For anyone who's ever been through and EA, what do you think of "work spouses"? My friend was talking about her work husband the other day and you have to have one to make it through the work day. They are each other's confidants and take care of each other throughout the day. I never heard of this term till then. I certainly know that friendships can become very close at work. It sounds funny to me to be calling another man a spouse, and from what I've read about this so far, it sounds really close to an EA. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Lizzie60 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 For anyone who's ever been through and EA, what do you think of "work spouses"? My friend was talking about her work husband the other day and you have to have one to make it through the work day. They are each other's confidants and take care of each other throughout the day. I never heard of this term till then. I certainly know that friendships can become very close at work. It sounds funny to me to be calling another man a spouse, and from what I've read about this so far, it sounds really close to an EA. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Hey that's a good way to call someone you're having an affair with at work.. a work husband.. same as LS husband.. or cyber affairs..
Author angie2443 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Hey that's a good way to call someone you're having an affair with at work.. a work husband.. same as LS husband.. or cyber affairs.. Yikes! Why would someone want a LS husband- or wife?
jj33 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I have heard that term alot - it refers to people who as you said work together perhaps they are married perhaps they are not, they have each other's backs they collaborate bounce ideas off each other. Its great and in most cases I am aware of not a threat to an actual spouse. or so I thought until I had an A. If someone doesnt see infidelity as an uncrossable line then yes getting close to ANYONE of the opposite sex can be dangerous. It really depends on the person. Some people are closed for business. Others are not. But the reference to a work spouse is not in and of itself a problem.
curiousnycgirl Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Interesting post - years ago someone referred to me as my boss's work-wife and I was so grossly offended! Yes I have his back, but frankly that is my job, I am his number two and my job is to take care of stuff before it hits his desk, and ot know when I can't. There is no way on earth I consider our relationship to be anything other than professional - yes we are "friends" - but only within a specific professional context. I will admit however that the other day he told me he loved me (we're having a VERY bad time at work right now - I'm likely going to be laid off) and I was entirely grossed out by it. Needless to say I did not say it back. I guess once I leave we may remain friends, and then it will be outside of the office - but he will never be a confidante of mine.
Lizzie60 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Yikes! Why would someone want a LS husband- or wife? well I have one.. Gold Pile is my LS husband.. and I'm his LS wife..
Curmudgeon Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Well, I've had "work friends" but never anyone I would consider my work "spouse" although many of my work friends are and have been women. The closest any ever came to being a work "spouse" were those who were executive assistants or secretaries who made sure I did my part and job and nagged me when necessary. That being said, I did have one particular work friend who loaned a friendly, non-judgemental "ear" during my divorce and who provided both moral support and some good advice. Two years later I married her and that was 12 years ago.
Lizzie60 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Ha-hem.. Curm... never had an LS 'special friend' ???..
Mr. Lucky Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I will admit however that the other day he told me he loved me (we're having a VERY bad time at work right now - I'm likely going to be laid off) and I was entirely grossed out by it. Needless to say I did not say it back. What do you think would cause him to make such a strange and inappropriate comment? It would sound as though he had feelings for you that extend beyond the workplace... Mr. Lucky
Curmudgeon Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Ha-hem.. Curm... never had an LS 'special friend' ???.. I'm an equal opportunity flirt, Lizzie, and my wife knows it. Interestingly enough, during the four years we worked together in the same department she was the one woman I WOULDN'T flirt with. Flirt with the Ice Maiden? I don't think so. But that left all the rest. There are several women on LS whom I admire, whose advice I value and with whom I've corresponded outside of this site. However, there's not one I've ever met, I may never meet any of them and my wife is well aware of all of them. She's comfortable because she knows I'm completely monogamous and faithful. For purposes of full disclosure, I did, however, meet with a family member of one of the LS women -- a lovely lady, as well as two other very attractive women. I spent a fair amount of time with all three of them as well as e-mailing and time on the phone. In the end, I helped them get a very important and emotionally significant bill authored, introduced, through legislative committee hearings in both the Assembly and the Senate, passed and signed by Governor Schwarzenegger. My bad! Oh, yeah. My wife, also a seasoned and experienced legislative and political analyst also helped them. In fact, she calls them "my ladies." By the way, I have also met six or eight women from a step-parent's site who live relatively close to us. It's not a big deal. I appreciate your "concern!" Thankfully, my wife and I trust one another completely, and with good reason.
Touche Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I'm an equal opportunity flirt, Lizzie, and my wife knows it. Interestingly enough, during the four years we worked together in the same department she was the one woman I WOULDN'T flirt with. Flirt with the Ice Maiden? I don't think so. But that left all the rest. There are several women on LS whom I admire, whose advice I value and with whom I've corresponded outside of this site. However, there's not one I've ever met, I may never meet any of them and my wife is well aware of all of them. She's comfortable because she knows I'm completely monogamous and faithful. By the way, I have met six or eight women from a step-parent's site who live relatively close to us. It's not a big deal. I appreciate your "concern!" Gotta love the ones who insinuate you're up to no good while they have affairs left and right and can't be monogamous to save their lives!. Hell, most of them can't even manage to have kids that are not out of wedlock!
Curmudgeon Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Interesting, isn't it? See you and hubby when we're back in your neck-o-the-woods next year (repeated for Lizzie's benefit).
JamesM Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Yes, I have had work wives, but that is where it ended. In fact, my work wives have always turned out to be friends with my wife. So in reality, my work wives were spies for my real wife. Never did any of those relationships ever cross the line into an EA. I think it is entirely possible to have work wives without having anything illicit happen.
Touche Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 It kind of saddens me that some of us long-married folk have to explain it to those who will never have a clue. OH welllll.....
cadmus Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 My A was with my office wife. Neither of us had ever heard of that title before but somone else in the office said we acted like we were married and we created the titles of Office Husband and Wife thinking it was just a bit of harmeless fun. It allowed us to be even closer as no one really saw any harm in it as we were just fulfilling our roles of Office husband and wife. If anyone ever says it to me that my actions with someone at work makes it seem like we are married then I will immediately question what the hell I am doing and back away. My relationships with women at work is strictly business now, I know what a slippery slope it can be to be flirtacious and get caught up in another woman's company and before you realise it the EA has started and you have fallen for her hard.
Arise_Serpentor Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I'm an equal opportunity flirt, Lizzie, and my wife knows it. Interestingly enough, during the four years we worked together in the same department she was the one woman I WOULDN'T flirt with. Flirt with the Ice Maiden? I don't think so. But that left all the rest. So tell us exactly what you do and WHY you flirt so much?! Do you have a weak ego? Do you treat these women with respect?! I don't quite get it!! And what number marriage you on?!?! And what is equal opportunity flirt exactly? You flirt with men too?! And so what if your wife knows it! She probably just tolerates it! I bet it bothers her but she doesn't let it show! Why flirt at all? Whats the deal?
2sunny Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I'm an equal opportunity flirt, Lizzie, and my wife knows it. Interestingly enough, during the four years we worked together in the same department she was the one woman I WOULDN'T flirt with. Flirt with the Ice Maiden? I don't think so. But that left all the rest. There are several women on LS whom I admire, whose advice I value and with whom I've corresponded outside of this site. However, there's not one I've ever met, I may never meet any of them and my wife is well aware of all of them. She's comfortable because she knows I'm completely monogamous and faithful. For purposes of full disclosure, I did, however, meet with a family member of one of the LS women -- a lovely lady, as well as two other very attractive women. I spent a fair amount of time with all three of them as well as e-mailing and time on the phone. In the end, I helped them get a very important and emotionally significant bill authored, introduced, through legislative committee hearings in both the Assembly and the Senate, passed and signed by Governor Schwarzenegger. My bad! Oh, yeah. My wife, also a seasoned and experienced legislative and political analyst also helped them. In fact, she calls them "my ladies." By the way, I have also met six or eight women from a step-parent's site who live relatively close to us. It's not a big deal. I appreciate your "concern!" Thankfully, my wife and I trust one another completely, and with good reason. C=Lion muah! and for those of you (arise serpentor) trying to criticize C=Lion - there is no reason for the accusations... maybe you read his post wrong. as a nice friend and a true gentleman, any gal should feel privileged to have interactions with such a nice person that has values and morals and actually lives by them. not every relationship (work or not) with the opposite sex is consideration for a sex or emotional partner. if boundaries are well defined and respected it should never be an issue.
Arise_Serpentor Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 C=Lion muah! as a nice friend and a true gentleman, any gal should feel privileged to have interactions with such a nice person that has values and morals and actually lives by them. . True gentleman? You mean the same guy that called a woman a 'pig' not too long ago?!! Or the same guy that was glad (though he claims he wasn't) his exwife got in a bad accident or something? puleeeze!
Lizzie60 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 So tell us exactly what you do and WHY you flirt so much?! Do you have a weak ego? Do you treat these women with respect?! I don't quite get it!! And what number marriage you on?!?! And what is equal opportunity flirt exactly? You flirt with men too?! And so what if your wife knows it! She probably just tolerates it! I bet it bothers her but she doesn't let it show! Why flirt at all? Whats the deal? Exactly why tempt the demons.. I never bought the 'innoncent flirting' anyway.. why flirt when you're happy at home and you've got the best.. doesn't make sense to me. I know for a fact that some members here have had EA with other members but they deny it 'faroushly' (I think I invent a word )
Arise_Serpentor Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I know! Innocent flirting! What a joke!! "Oh look honey, I'm flirting 'innocently'!! I know it must make you feel great to watch me FLIRT with other women!!" THere is something more to that there, I tell ya!!!
Lizzie60 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I'm an equal opportunity flirt, Lizzie, and my wife knows it. Interestingly enough, during the four years we worked together in the same department she was the one woman I WOULDN'T flirt with. Flirt with the Ice Maiden? I don't think so. But that left all the rest. There are several women on LS whom I admire, whose advice I value and with whom I've corresponded outside of this site. However, there's not one I've ever met, I may never meet any of them and my wife is well aware of all of them. She's comfortable because she knows I'm completely monogamous and faithful. For purposes of full disclosure, I did, however, meet with a family member of one of the LS women -- a lovely lady, as well as two other very attractive women. I spent a fair amount of time with all three of them as well as e-mailing and time on the phone. In the end, I helped them get a very important and emotionally significant bill authored, introduced, through legislative committee hearings in both the Assembly and the Senate, passed and signed by Governor Schwarzenegger. My bad! Oh, yeah. My wife, also a seasoned and experienced legislative and political analyst also helped them. In fact, she calls them "my ladies." By the way, I have also met six or eight women from a step-parent's site who live relatively close to us. It's not a big deal. I appreciate your "concern!" Thankfully, my wife and I trust one another completely, and with good reason. Well you said it yourself in your previous post: That being said, I did have one particular work friend who loaned a friendly, non-judgemental "ear" during my divorce and who provided both moral support and some good advice. Two years later I married her and that was 12 years ago. See.. sometimes, an innocent flirt might become the next partner.. so I doubt there is ever something 'innocent' about flirting.. I don't buy that theory... sorry.
Arise_Serpentor Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Well you said it yourself in your previous post: That being said, I did have one particular work friend who loaned a friendly, non-judgemental "ear" during my divorce and who provided both moral support and some good advice. Two years later I married her and that was 12 years ago. See.. sometimes, an innocent flirt might become the next partner.. so I doubt there is ever something 'innocent' about flirting.. I don't buy that theory... sorry. Holy snikes! You are right! And why is "ear" in double quotes?! A double entandre?! I think she loaned more than an ear! LOL! But in his defense, he was divorced at the time - oh wait, no he wasn't! Curm man, what's really going on dude?
carhill Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Is there really "innocent flirting"? Sounds like a contradiction in terms. Definitely, there are workplace friendships, but sexual teasing, sharing personal intimacies, and suggestive touching. Whoa, that's a bit much, and, further, EA's can start even without all the sexual stuff. Better to keep the work environment professional IMO. Supportive and collaborative, but professional, that is, if one wishes to maintain a healthy R at home IMO, it's not about what's said, it's about the signals which go out. I remember, at a party earlier this year, my friend was explaining to me about the presentation she had put together (it was a party for her BF's business) that was running on their big screen. Later, after the party, my wife mentioned that she and my friend's BF were standing there wondering what really was going on and mentioned it to each other. I was my friend's "work husband" a generation ago. The moral is, even though our conversation was "innocent", there must have been signals going out that caused others to take notice. That's not so innocent
Lizzie60 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Exactly... to be a confidant at work.. is IMO tempting the devil.. that's how the A always starts, and we know that most A starts at work.. this is exactly how it starts.. one listen to the other's problem.. they become closer and closer.. and BANG .. they're hooked.. Work husbands/wives = EA OM\OW
carhill Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Work husbands/wives = EA OM\OW I can't say it's global, and I've never worked in a coed shop (I was a vendor in the above example, but "hung out"), but I think your assertion has validity, based on experiences related by my wife and other friends. Also, if the people involved happen to be wired to be able to have platonic relationships (even close ones) with the opposite sex, it's possible to be a confidant and not have an EA. I have plenty of examples of that in my own life, but wanted to support the assertion of the risks involved. The difference, for me, was there was no flirtation with my platonic friends; it never even occurred to us to try. We just didn't feel that way. The key is both parties have to be wired and feel that (platonic) way or those signals will leak out and others will notice and one or both parties will develop feelings. That's been my experience.
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