Shygirl15 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I decided to drop by and see a co-worker/old friend of mine who had a big crush on me last year. I was seeing another friend of mine on the same floor, so I thought I might as well drop by and see him, since I have not seen him for almost a year since I moved (I used to work on the same floor with him). So I went to his office with the other friend I was visiting in the first place, and for a moment he looked shocked when he saw me/us, then gave me this WTF are you doing here sorta look. Eerr, didn't expect that as we used to be somewhat friends! So I tried being cheery and friendly but he was very cold and stand-offish. He was clearly annoyed and I fail to understand why? Question; any idea on why he behaved the way he did? Is it because I had someone else with me (note: he's married), or perhaps the crush on me is over? Not that I mind, but I fail to understand why he reacted the way he did. Note: I have no intentions on pursuing anything, just felt bad that I completely ignored him last year and thought I could make up for that. I honestly thought my dropping by his office would make his day *frown*
prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, it would depend on the day. If I'm having a so-so day and some old crush comes by uninvited, I might feel quite annoyed. I think the surprise factor is a risky one, because there's a 50% chance of you showing up at a bad time. If you're not really trying to remain friends with him and that it doesn't matter to you in the grand scheme of things, I would just let it go. Otherwise I'd send him a message (e-mail, text, whatever). Nicely tell him he seemed worried or whatever and ask him if everything's alright, and also apologize if you showed up at a bad time. But that of course depends on how good a friend he is, because if it's just some random collegue or acquaintance, that might sound odd.
Geishawhelk Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I think it would also depend on who ended the R., and on what terms..... if the @$$hole had truly dropped me in the Sheete, I might not be too receptive....!
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Question; any idea on why he behaved the way he did? Is it because I had someone else with me (note: he's married), or perhaps the crush on me is over? Not that I mind, but I fail to understand why he reacted the way he did. Note: I have no intentions on pursuing anything, just felt bad that I completely ignored him last year and thought I could make up for that. I honestly thought my dropping by his office would make his day *frown* Did you ever deny him in any way? If so, he could think that you're just seeking attention or an ego boost.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 No, at this point it doesn't matter if we are friends or not. However I don't understand why guys offer to remain friends after they are rejected, because the truth is they can't really handle being friends with the person the wanted bang in the first place. They're just so fragile in that area. Now this guy looked at me like I was a ghost, and to think only last year we were good good friends?? Don't get it.
prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Was he already married at the time he supposedly wanted to "bang" you?
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Did you ever deny him in any way? If so, he could think that you're just seeking attention or an ego boost. Yes, I denied his sexual advances. I really liked him (romantically too), but had to deny him because he is married. We continue to be friends for a while until I moved. Now he looks at me like I'm a ghost..lol WTF.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Was he already married at the time he supposedly wanted to "bang" you? Yes, can you imagine that? His wife was on bed rest for a long time for spinal cord injury so I assume he was sexually frustrated. We even had a date for our kids at some point (he has a daughter same age as my son). We were good friends.
prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Sounds like a mess. No wonder he's got bad vibes now. He's a married man who wanted to sleep with you, you denied him, he remained friends probably thinking there was still a chance. But then you moved for a year and he probably got over it pretty quickly. Then one year later, you randomly come along to say hi. I mean, no offense, but from what you've told so far, I don't think he ever saw you as a friendly friend. You were a potential lay and that's that. You're no longer around him on a regular basis, which means you're no longer a potential sex buddy, which means you have zero interest to him now. I don't think you hurt his ego all that much. If that had been the case, he wouldn't have remained friendly with you after you had rejected him. I think you simply no longer interest him. Not as a friend (which you never really were), not as a mistress, and certainly not as a tease. Of course I could be completely wrong; but that's my two cents based on what you've shared so far.
ed-205 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 My guess is that it's a defensive thing on his part. Sometimes a "crush" can be a painful experience in itself, especially if the other party shows no interest at all. Perhaps he doesn't want to risk letting that happen to him again. I tend to treat women the same way myself, especially if feel that I am even moderately attracted to them. I do not *want* a relationship, and the easiest way for me to avoid getting too interested in someone is to limit my exposure to them, and be aloof but congenial when I have to. I'm sure a lot of them think I'm a real jerk, but that's just the way I am. Sometimes, I can get to know them as "people", and my interest turns more friendly, but that usually takes me a few weeks. Of course, I realize that this is purely a *me* issue, and has nothing to do with the women involved. One thing you should keep in mind is that it isn't anything that *YOU* have done directly, it's all within him. In time, he may ease up a bit, but there's no guarantee of anything.
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Yes, I denied his sexual advances. I really liked him (romantically too), but had to deny him because he is married. We continue to be friends for a while until I moved. Now he looks at me like I'm a ghost..lol WTF. Well I would have nipped it sooner and become cold to you immediately after you denied my advances. It sounded like he thought he still may have had a chance with you or he didn't want to have bad vibes going on in the office. Now that you are gone he has no reasons to be friends with you because he doesn't need to placate for the office environment's sake nor does he have the suspicion that there's a possibility of you two getting together.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Ah. Thank you guys. You all have made some very good points. I don't know why I was all bothered by this yesterday, because frankly I care nothing about him.
StartingOver07 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I completely ignored him last year and thought I could make up for that. to think only last year we were good good friends?? Which one is it?
b4jinthenow Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Ah. Thank you guys. You all have made some very good points. I don't know why I was all bothered by this yesterday, because frankly I care nothing about him. why would you care? he's a married man, stay away from him and respect his relationship with his wife.
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 So, how many years were you friends before he wanted to bang you? Hmmm My guess, not knowing the backstory, was that he was attracted to you and came to know you at work and made his advances within that context, even while married. You weren't "friends" since I'm pretty sure his wife would know his friends. Fast forward.... you stopped by innocently, or was it so innocently? The subconscious is an interesting thing. Did you really "feel bad" about ignoring him? Why? Although happening when single, I was in that guy's position many times in my life. Looking back, such "appearances" were nothing more than the woman checking in to see if she could get a rise out of me, which inevitably most did because I had poor masking skills. I now know it had nothing to do with me but was merely a situational ego feed for them. How do I know this? Simply because they disappeared as quickly as they appeared, regardless of my reaction. Sound familiar?
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 why would you care? he's a married man, stay away from him and respect his relationship with his wife. Did you even read my post?
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I would be annoyed if they just showed up without warning... You have no idea what has transpired in that man's life in the last year and catching up should have started with contact other than face to face pop in contact that he didn't know was going to happen.. It is also possible that he and his wife had issues and your name came up and when you moved he told her all was clear.. but now you show up.. and maybe his wife was getting ready to show up in his office ... You never know..
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Which one is it? We were good friends before he pursued me sexually, after which I reduced contact. My focus was on what happened yesterday than what happened a year ago, though. I absolutely don't want anything to do with him at all. He was one of many of my ex co-workers I saw on that floor yesterday, so it's not like I had a hidden agenda planned on him or anything. But thanks for your opinions.
StartingOver07 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 We were good friends before he pursued me sexually, after which I reduced contact. My focus was on what happened yesterday than what happened a year ago, though. I absolutely don't want anything to do with him at all. He was one of many of my ex co-workers I saw on that floor yesterday, so it's not like I had a hidden agenda planned on him or anything. But thanks for your opinions. Except you say you ignored him all last year. If so, why would you think he'd be remotely happy to see you yesterday? Actually, I don't care. Just pointing out the discrepancy.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Except you say you ignored him all last year. If so, why would you think he'd be remotely happy to see you yesterday? Actually, I don't care. Just pointing out the discrepancy. I was not in contact with him for a full year after I moved. Maybe ignored was not the right word. I'm always happy to see people I have not seen in a long time so I expected the same.
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 If he were an "old friend" as intimated in the OP, regardless of the interceding time, he would've given you a hearty hello and a big hug. Let's rewind He was a married guy hitting on a single woman who rejected his advances. He lost power. Males thrive on power. A woman, for that moment, had power over him. Perhaps, at the same time, he felt powerless in his M, due to circumstances there. Those are images not easily erased from the male mind. Fast forward one year and the recording brought back by the image of seeing you again. I've felt that (though not the married part). I can imagine what my face looked like
muse08 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 the fact that you "completely ignored him" before would be my clue... he may be thinking, "you're not God's gift to the world or this office. so why are you here...?" *frown* put yourself in his position. someone ignored you, but decides to come visit you out of the blue. would you be chipper? personally i would remain stoic , yet pleasant. but definitely not chipper...
EYECANDY000 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 It seems like he was still cordial and that was it. He wasnt excited to see you, and he wasnt pissed to see you either. If you ignored him for a whole year, then I think you should be glad he spoke. and Im not trying to be mean! I would probaly act the same way. I would say hi, and continue my work duties.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 You guys are both right. I'm conflicted between just forgetting about him and try to make it up, perhaps drop an email to meet up for lunch or something. Like I said we were good friends.
Author Shygirl15 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 If he were an "old friend" as intimated in the OP, regardless of the interceding time, he would've given you a hearty hello and a big hug. Let's rewind He was a married guy hitting on a single woman who rejected his advances. He lost power. Males thrive on power. A woman, for that moment, had power over him. Perhaps, at the same time, he felt powerless in his M, due to circumstances there. Those are images not easily erased from the male mind. Fast forward one year and the recording brought back by the image of seeing you again. I've felt that (though not the married part). I can imagine what my face looked like Yeah. You're right. But I considered him to be a good friend.
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