j22x Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 This kind of has a long back story, but I think it's necessary in order to receive some good advice. When I was a teenager I met this really amazing girl while in high school. We became very very close friends over the years, but never dated. All the while all her friends were telling me that I should ask her out and in all honesty, all the signs seemed right. So one night in high school I did ask her out, she rejected me, and eventually we stopped talking for several years. I was crushed, for me it was hard for me to still hang out with her after being rejected, so the distancing was mostly my own accord. During the following years I went on to meet other girls and was in several other relationships. About a month ago I ended what was a pretty serious two year relationship with a girl, it was a very messy situation, but not really necessary to discuss. The thing is, just recently I have began talking with the girl from high school. She has been very great in helping me deal with ending my previous relationship. But now all those same feelings I had toward her from high school are back, and are actually increased tenfold. To put it plainly, I am crazy about this girl. It started out just talking on the phone for hours and eventually she had taken time to visit me at my apartment a few times. Nothing really has happened, we watch some films and listen to some music, but I like I said, every time we are together or talk I feel madly in love with her. I've flirted with her a bit, really "childish" stuff like tickle her feat or whatnot and she, a usually very unabashed girl, has become very giggly/shy and even blushing. This is really unlike her. I'm too afraid to do anything more than just teenage-esque flirting because I'm worried if I make my real feelings known to her and make any move I will be rejected again and I will lose what I consider to be one of the best people I've ever had in my life as a friend. What do I do? I have it in my mind to just continue being close friends and hope that maybe the feelings I think she has toward me will cause her to make the first move, but my heart has been longing for this girl for over 7 years and I feel like I should just grab her by the hands and tell her how I feel. I'm torn between risking a chance at love with one of the most amazing women I've ever met and ruining one of the best friendships I ever had due to my inability to be "just friends" after I've made my feelings known to a girl.
SushiX Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 You just ended your last serious relationship 1 month ago. Take it slow buddy. Maybe you're just feeling a bit lonely right now. You definitely don't want your friend to be a rebound. Plus you've already waited 7 yrs. It won't hurt to wait another year or two if you really like her that much. If you really can't wait. You don't need to tell her anything. Actions speak louder than words. She'll know. Just don't distance yourself from her again if she rejects you. Then you'll never get her.. Patience and persistence is key.
eric82 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 well, one thing is clear: you can't be friends with this girl. as far as whether you can be more than friends with her depends on how you play your cards. when you asked her out back in high school, how did you go about it? if you explained your feelings or professed your undying love to her, it's no wonder she rejected you. don't forget, it's not about how you feel, it's about how she feels about you. the only way you can raise her interest in you isn't by telling her how much you like her, but instead by flirting with her, being confident, and avoiding things that can lower her interest in you, like being too serious or emotional. if you want to be more than her friend, it's simple: don't act like her friend. she doesn't have to like you to like you as her boyfriend. she has to respect you and be attracted to you. you have to stand up for yourself, be willing to challenge her when you think she's wrong, and be willing to walk away if she disrespects you. another thing, try not to volunteer information about yourself, make her pull it out of you. spoon-feed your "love" to her instead of declaring it upfront. she'll appreciate and value you more.
eric82 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 actually, now that i think about it, you probably have no chance with this particular girl, since she turned you down in the past. it's best to go for a new girl than to try to win over a girl who already rejected you, regardless of how spectacular you might think she is. my above advice still stands, but apply it to other girls you have a clean slate with.
Author j22x Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 I've never been one to "rebound" and I am over my previous relationship. I've also never been the type of person who HAS to be in a relationship. I'm perfectly fine on my own at the moment. When I asked her out in high school I just flat out asked if she wanted to start dating and she said she didn't want to, I never really explained how I felt. When we started talking again she had told me the reason was because at the time her brother had an interest in my older sister and she thought it would have been weird if we were going out, but that she would have dated me if it weren't for that. I guess leaving that part out changes a lot.
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